I also think that part of it, at least in my case, is that we can appear defensive or angry or bitter, simply because we spend so much time trying to justify our right to our emotions.
We are constantly admonished to get over it, to forgive, to let it go, to not be angry, etc. I get so frustrated by always being made to feel that my emotions, my thoughts, my experiences are not valid. I don't think those who have not experienced abuse can understand what it is like to be made to feel like you must somehow prove your right to be struggling, to having negative emotions, and doubts.
Maybe its so hard, because that is EXACTLY what we were made to feel during the abuse. That we had no right to question! No right to feel negatively towards what was expected of us. That the situation wasn't the problem. WE were!
And then, when we finally start to deconstruct the dysfuction around us, well meaning people come along and in trying to help, simply make it more difficult.
Mich...we can all sing this song....everyone heals in their own way and in there own time...I know your heart is seeking the truth and when we do that we can't lose! I did read your posts a time back, and understood your pain, your revelation, your time in your healing...its a path so many are on...my prayer is that we all make it to the goal...don't let the man or devil take away the precious gift God gave us! I refuse to let the evil ones win!
You said a mouthful here, Michlow! You are right on. Most people who defend the abuse rather than the victim don't realize that they are not even allowing the person their own very valid feelings. But then, that is exactly what the spritually abusive do. So, the only answer is to know the truth and not respect the instructions of those who say your feelings are not valid.
defending the abuser is agreeing its OK to do this....I think that is because they see some of themselves in this....
defending the abuser is agreeing its OK to do this....I think that is because they see some of themselves in this....
I think that many of them believe that the abuser is doing people a favor. They spiritualize it and make it seem like they are simply "admonishing" a brother. There are better ways to do that than abuse, but some have never experienced it.
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Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the people doing it. ~Chinese Proverb
When I was young and clever, I wanted to change the world. Now that I am older and wiser, I strive to change myself. ~
I think that many of them believe that the abuser is doing people a favor. They spiritualize it and make it seem like they are simply "admonishing" a brother. There are better ways to do that than abuse, but some have never experienced it.
so true....the saying "walk a mile in my shoes" has never had more meaning for me!
STS, putting "For those who want to know" in the title of the thread was appropriate. There are indeed some who don't want to know of these things. Not just the "rules" but the abuse that goes on. Some of the things described here may be extremes, but my guess is that there are more untold stories like them. And many, many more stories of less extreme but still inexcusable abuses of power.
Thanks for this thread.
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Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
STS, putting "For those who want to know" in the title of the thread was appropriate. There are indeed some who don't want to know of these things. Not just the "rules" but the abuse that goes on. Some of the things described here may be extremes, but my guess is that there are more untold stories like them. And many, many more stories of less extreme but still inexcusable abuses of power.
Thanks for this thread.
OH Thank you.....
you are welcome...I am very grateful to be as far down my road that I am. For a solid year I was so depressed, I was in such a black cloud. It has been a painful, but blessed process, because I know the Lord has been in it all the way! I have some wonderful friends and I am healthy today in my walk with God...to me that is worth whatever it takes!
the first night i stumbled across it, i cried for hours. it was the first time i had seen this kind of thing adressed. i took the time to read the entire thread in one sitting, BEFORE i responded.
and unlike those that feel we are church or pastor bashing, i think it was very well done.
if i wanted to bash the preachers that hurt me so bad, believe me, i would have their names, phone numbers and addresses posted all over this forum.
its good to just be able to talk about it and not have to get into who said this and who did that. its good to just be able to work out my OWN salvation, with fear and trembling. this is a full time job, i have no time to work on someone elses.
the first night i stumbled across it, i cried for hours. it was the first time i had seen this kind of thing adressed. i took the time to read the entire thread in one sitting, BEFORE i responded.
and unlike those that feel we are church or pastor bashing, i think it was very well done.
if i wanted to bash the preachers that hurt me so bad, believe me, i would have their names, phone numbers and addresses posted all over this forum.
its good to just be able to talk about it and not have to get into who said this and who did that. its good to just be able to work out my OWN salvation, with fear and trembling. this is a full time job, i have no time to work on someone elses.
the first night i stumbled across it, i cried for hours. it was the first time i had seen this kind of thing adressed. i took the time to read the entire thread in one sitting, BEFORE i responded.
and unlike those that feel we are church or pastor bashing, i think it was very well done.
if i wanted to bash the preachers that hurt me so bad, believe me, i would have their names, phone numbers and addresses posted all over this forum.
its good to just be able to talk about it and not have to get into who said this and who did that. its good to just be able to work out my OWN salvation, with fear and trembling. this is a full time job, i have no time to work on someone elses.
thank you for this thread.
Your welcome sis...I am praying your healing will be complete....to forget will never happen, but to heal can, and forgiveness is so sweet for our own spirit....
Yes it is....truth can stand against attack and false accusations....I have no fear anymore....because I know what is true...and I know God knows...and that is all that matters in the end!
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