For those who want to know...RULES at my church!

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

Sis it is so good to see you....I don't know if you remember me...we have had many conversations in the past....I hope your doing well, I have come a long way....and have you among others to thank for it...God bless you and I hope you will be here often as you can I know your a busy person...Much love to you sis...and Blessings too...I feel like I have just seen a old friend that has been away for a long time....

Yes, I remember- like I stated in one post I saw familiar faces. I'll do what I can to help in this thread.

[freeatlast]

So on target SARGE..welcome to our little corner of the web.

I never cease to be amazed at the comments from people who think spiritual abuse is something that only happens to altar boys. We could'nt have any form of abuse among us. After all, we're Apostolic.

My wife and daughter went thru this for years.

It happend NOT iun a little backwoods church but in a large (500) in Sunday School UPC. pastored by a man well respected in the UPC.

No one, who has never been in the situation, can ever truly understand what those who have been touched by spiritual abuse, have been thru.

Sad thing..the abusers don't even understand what damage they are causing. Many in fact think they are doing it God's way.

There false understading of God causes them to think that God would have them to pastor in that fassion.

Originally Posted by freeatlast

No one, who has never been in the situation, can ever truly understand what those who have been touched by spiritual abuse, have been thru.

Sad thing..the abusers don't even understand what damage they are causing. Many in fact think they are doing it God's way.

There false understading of God causes them to think that God would have them to pastor in that fassion.

so true.

[Michlow]

Originally Posted by Sarge

Thanks, too, to whoever changed my moderated status.

One quick note before signing off tonight- just because one talks about this subject doesn't mean they must still be hurt, angry, bitter or any of the other negatives. Think about it this way: Many testify as to how they used to be before they turned to God. They aren't wallowing in those memories by doing so, nor are they glorifying them. They are simply testifying as to God's delivering power.

In the same way, people who have been subject to spiritual abuse can do the same thing. They aren't where they were before; God brought them through. And in sharing, they can help and touch someone who is not yet where they are. Just as testifying as to where we were before the Lord can touch someone who was like what we were and help them, so can speaking up about spiritual abuse.

Something to think about.....

I also think that part of it, at least in my case, is that we can appear defensive or angry or bitter, simply because we spend so much time trying to justify our right to our emotions.

We are constantly admonished to get over it, to forgive, to let it go, to not be angry, etc. I get so frustrated by always being made to feel that my emotions, my thoughts, my experiences are not valid. I don't think those who have not experienced abuse can understand what it is like to be made to feel like you must somehow prove your right to be struggling, to having negative emotions, and doubts.

Maybe its so hard, because that is EXACTLY what we were made to feel during the abuse. That we had no right to question! No right to feel negatively towards what was expected of us. That the situation wasn't the problem. WE were!

And then, when we finally start to deconstruct the dysfuction around us, well meaning people come along and in trying to help, simply make it more difficult.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Sarge

Ah, finally! Much thanks to the admin who fixed my account so I could post. Those from FCF may remember me and I decided to sign up with the same screen name. This topic is one dear to my heart and I wanted to share concerning it.

STS, you brought up a very valid subject of spiritual abuse. While some deny it happens, some minimalize it, and some tell you to 'get over it', while others call names like 'backslid' in an attempt to discredit what is shared.....none of those things will ever negate the fact that abuse occurs in churches.

I have read a good portion of this thread and even though I deal in this area every day, I still shake my head at some of the comments made which show the writer lacks understanding. Anyone who can simply say something like, "You should have left! You have free will and two legs!" needs to learn the many things that come into play when things like this happen in a church. It's a slow indoctrinating process and the person most times doesn't realize what is happening at the time.

I'd like to be able to share some insights if members here can allow me to do so and not make this focus on me or my site. Regardless of what anyone thinks of me, spiritual abuse happens and unfortunately it happens more often than many realize. When one hears from many people all over the USA and elsewhere, over numerous years, there is a problem. It's not a small one and people need to face it. Why is it that some Christians like to "kill their own?".

Anyway, I may not get to post much until tomorrow. I was ready to previously, but there was a minor problem of getting the account activated.

Hi Sarge!! Good to see you here!

when someone forgives an abuser, any abuser, in or out of the church setting, that still does not erase the memory. there is only one person that can forgive and forget, God. as a human we do not have access to that "sea of forgetfulness" that so many want us to use.

i really think this is why many that have been abused have so much trouble finding healing, because we still remember, so therefore we must have not really forgiven that person.

but i do know, had it not been for my pain, and the things i have gone through, i would not have the insight i have now. i can show mercy to those who have been abused because i "know" their pain. i would have rather not walked in those shoes, but at least now i can use my experience to understand the next abused person i run across.

because now, i can look at what someone says, and i dont have to say things like, "i know that cant happen in the church" or "can you show me proof?" or "you need to just get over it and go on with your life".

sometimes the things we say, out of ignorance, can do far more damage than the actual abuse.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Michlow

I also think that part of it, at least in my case, is that we can appear defensive or angry or bitter, simply because we spend so much time trying to justify our right to our emotions.

We are constantly admonished to get over it, to forgive, to let it go, to not be angry, etc. I get so frustrated by always being made to feel that my emotions, my thoughts, my experiences are not valid. I don't think those who have not experienced abuse can understand what it is like to be made to feel like you must somehow prove your right to be struggling, to having negative emotions, and doubts.

Maybe its so hard, because that is EXACTLY what we were made to feel during the abuse. That we had no right to question! No right to feel negatively towards what was expected of us. That the situation wasn't the problem. WE were!

And then, when we finally start to deconstruct the dysfuction around us, well meaning people come along and in trying to help, simply make it more difficult.

You said a mouthful here, Michlow! You are right on. Most people who defend the abuse rather than the victim don't realize that they are not even allowing the person their own very valid feelings. But then, that is exactly what the spritually abusive do. So, the only answer is to know the truth and not respect the instructions of those who say your feelings are not valid.

[Michlow]

Originally Posted by ILG

You said a mouthful here, Michlow! You are right on. Most people who defend the abuse rather than the victim don't realize that they are not even allowing the person their own very valid feelings. But then, that is exactly what the spritually abusive do. So, the only answer is to know the truth and not respect the instructions of those who say your feelings are not valid.

Thank you for that ILG.

Originally Posted by mizpeh

Great post!!

This wrong thinking which gives way to a distorted perception of God is demonic in its origin because it brings torment and not godly sorrow. Any thoughts that cause us to want to give up serving our wonderful Creator are not from God whether the preacher speaks them or whether they are just thoughts in our minds.

When we fall, God is a good Father and picks us up. He doesn't kick us when we're down. The devil is the accuser of the brethren not the uplifter of the brethren.

yes......well said!

Originally Posted by Sarge

Yes, I remember- like I stated in one post I saw familiar faces. I'll do what I can to help in this thread.

You have done awesome so far!!! Welcome abroad this roller coaster. There is a better spirit over all on this forum....as you may have seen in this thread there are some who have become defenders who before were some of the condemners! This gives me hope!