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07-21-2007, 02:55 AM
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Resident Insomniac
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,222
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The Injun
Two old cowboys, Ralph and Bill, topped a hill one day.
Saw an Indian on the ground, not too far away.
They looked at one another, then rode that way real slow.
They could see that something strange was goin’ on below.
"I’ll bet he’s listenin’ to the ground," said Bill, "'cause it’s a fact
That they can tell what’s goin’ on for miles by doin’ that."
"If this ain’t no Injun trick," said Ralph, "come on, let’s go
"And find out how he does that, 'cause I’d shore like to know."
They rode up real cautious, then heard some real low tones.
"One wagon pulled by six big mules. White man not alone.
"White woman sit beside him; six kids in wagon too."
They looked at one another, not believing this was true.
"Hey, Injun, how do you know that?" Said Ralph. "I’d like to know --
Did you really hear those things, and is this really so?"
"White man speak with loco tongue," said the Indian with a groan.
"Wagon run over Indian and just keep rollin’ on."
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07-21-2007, 08:29 AM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 426
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Stop me if you heard this one,
Two men are shipwrecked on an island. One is crying, screaming, and just going nuts. "We are going to die, we are going to die, God help help we are going to stave to death". The other guy is just leaned up against a palm tree being real calm. When the first guy noticed how calm the second guy was acting he just couldn't understand. Finally he screamed at him, "don't you get it we are going to die!". The second guy looked at him and said, "you don't understand, I make $100,000.00 a week." The first guy was dumbfounded, speechless. He tells the second guy, "it doesn't matter how much money you make, we are still going to starve to death, we are going to DIE!!!" The second guy looks at him and says, "no you don't understand, I make $100k a week, I pay 10% tithes on that money." "My pastor will find me!"
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Save yo drama for yo mama 
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07-21-2007, 06:16 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,315
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Quote:
Originally Posted by delta soundman
Stop me if you heard this one,
Two men are shipwrecked on an island. One is crying, screaming, and just going nuts. "We are going to die, we are going to die, God help help we are going to stave to death". The other guy is just leaned up against a palm tree being real calm. When the first guy noticed how calm the second guy was acting he just couldn't understand. Finally he screamed at him, "don't you get it we are going to die!". The second guy looked at him and said, "you don't understand, I make $100,000.00 a week." The first guy was dumbfounded, speechless. He tells the second guy, "it doesn't matter how much money you make, we are still going to starve to death, we are going to DIE!!!" The second guy looks at him and says, "no you don't understand, I make $100k a week, I pay 10% tithes on that money." "My pastor will find me!"
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That's a good one!!
__________________
God is so good!
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07-21-2007, 09:31 PM
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My Family!
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Collierville, TN
Posts: 31,786
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New Use for Windex
(I didn't check this out in snopes, but it sounds like it will work. lol lol)
If you sometimes get the sudden
urge to run around naked.
Drink some Windex.
It will keep you from streaking.
__________________
Master of Science in Applied Disgruntled Religious Theorist Wrangling
PhD in Petulant Tantrum Quelling
Dean of the School of Hard Knocks
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07-22-2007, 11:11 PM
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Not riding the train
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 48,544
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rgcraig
New Use for Windex
(I didn't check this out in snopes, but it sounds like it will work. lol lol)
If you sometimes get the sudden
urge to run around naked.
Drink some Windex.
It will keep you from streaking.
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Well, what do you know. I'll buy a new bottle tomorrow!
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07-23-2007, 12:37 AM
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Resident Insomniac
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,222
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A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party.
"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?"
The minister replied "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
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07-23-2007, 12:37 AM
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Resident Insomniac
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,222
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A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.
The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of the pastors. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
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07-26-2007, 01:15 AM
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Resident Insomniac
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,222
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A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, "Mommy, my stomach hurts."
Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!" She then prepared a bowl of soup.
Later that day when the pastor and his wife were over for dinner. The pastor began to feel bad. Holding his head he said, "I have such a terrible headache!"
The little girl looked up at him, giving him the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, "That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!"
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07-29-2007, 11:41 PM
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Resident Insomniac
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,222
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DEFINITIONS
* ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
* BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
* CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
* COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
* DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
* EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
* GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
* HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
* INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
* MYTH: A female moth.
* MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
* RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
* SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
* SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
* TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
* TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
* YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
* WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.
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08-03-2007, 10:44 AM
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Guest
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: In a cold dark cave.....
Posts: 4,624
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Sounds
A teacher arranged her young students into a circle. She
then went around the circle and asked each one a question.
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh ... it goes ... 'click!'"
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I am not a member here -Do not PM me please?
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