Marriage is give and take - Page 8

Digging4Truth · #71 06-05-2007, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darty

but I must admit when we have dissagreed on things I have taken polls in grocery stores.

She actually did that folks.

We had some guys helping us move and she was going to make Strawberry Shortcake for them...

I told here... girl... guys like chocolate cake... they don't like frilly strawberry shortcake.

Well she disagreed... but I held my ground.

So... off we went to the grocery store as she began performing an impromptu grocery store poll in Homer Louisiana on whether men like Chocolate cake or strawberry shortcake.

How funny.

By the way... our helpers enjoyed a nice strawberry shortcake that night. I have to admit... it was pretty good.

#72 06-05-2007, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Dear Digging4truth,

If you and your wife are so agreeable and demonstrate excellent conflict resolution skills then ..Bless you. I do know that most couples have disagreements and sometimes one or the other does or says things that are not always respectful or appropriate.

If your wife has chosen to give you the last word/decision making authority regardless of her feelings then I hope it is because she does indeed trust you and not that she feels she has no voice.

I do know of others who report what you report - only to find out that it is the best and only way for the other spouse to survive. There comes a time, in such marriages, that a person reaches the place they feel free to express an opposing opinion and find a way out of an unsatisfactory relationship. This usually occurs after the last child has left the home.

Like i said, if your marriage is as perfect as you report it to be...write a book because we need all the examples of open communication, excellent conflict resolution skills, and most importantly for couples/families to follow God's hierarchy/chain of authority.

Blessings, Rhoni

Rhoni I have told him this for years. I have told him he needs to travel the United States teaching at churches:dateing:marriage and how to raise kids that are a blessing and not a curse lol
I know what your saying... and I must admit our relationship amazes even me. Because I am so not what I was before we met. The hardest part of having a wonderful relationship is the fact that not many people out there do. I have lost friends because of my family. My kids tend to make others look bad when in fact they are just normal. My relationship tends to make others fell like theres is less then perfect because my seems so perfect. It really isnt that hard to have a "perfect relationship" All it takes is consistency. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. If it isnt in your heart then dont say it. If it is in your heart...and it's bad fix it. The problem and the heart. If people would start out a marriage right then there isnt alot of fixing to do. Love one another respect one another and care enought to give. Give up bad habbits-Give in to the right things- and Give it to God.

#73 06-05-2007, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILG

I too, think the husband is the head, but that means responsibility and not Big Boss.

(I am NOT insinuating that D4T is any such.)

I have to be honest with you. It is nice that I dont have to make some decisions for our family. We discuss things... and we usually go with how he feels. Unfortunately time has proven he is usually right

I have a friend that she pays all the bills. She cleans houses for a living to make the bills. Her husband works for a couple years and is off for a few more. She has to deal with the stuggles of family - finance - raising grandchildren and no matter how much she tells him she needs help he wont do anything. I would loose my mind! I get so angry with him because its not her place to have to deal with everything.!!!!

My husband and I split up our bills. My money goes to some bills and his goes to others. He doesnt have to worry about the car notes cause he knows Im gonna take care of them. To be honest I have no idea how much my house note and energy bills are because he takes care of all that. We pretty much decided when I started working what bills we would take care of. Well honestly for a while I blew my money on cloths for the kids and what ever my little heart desired. Then I decided to take some of the burden off of him. And it was nice for both of us. Sometimes I need help and sometimes he needs help. I think the best def. for our marriage is "good communication."

#74 06-05-2007, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by revrandy

Ya'll need to get a room!!

Marriage I heard yesterday is 70% compromise...

Were working on that! lol Were in the process of remodeling a room in the back of our house so we can have a bedroom with doors that lock. Presently our room in our formal dineing room lol
Darty takes out the offering plate and passes it around...any donations would be greatly appreciated lol

ForeverBlessed · #75 06-05-2007, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere

Brother I don't see where arguing or raising your voice is unhealthy.I just
can't fathom never getting angry or never raising your voice.It cannot
be healthy.

I can understand what you mean. I cannot even fathom a day without some type of raised voice… yet my more mellow sister cannot understand what all the commotion is about in my household and it makes her nervous. I cannot understand her quiet, meek and mild ways and I think she would benefit by expressing herself more.

Some people are just more expressive in conversation… I know that I am… the more excited, upset or passionate that I am on a subject, the louder I get. I don’t look at that as being wrong at all.... although I can't seem to train myself to realize getting louder doesn't make others under more...lol

I totally agree with the respect issue that other’s posted about though… bottom line… it is about respect and if you can be louder and more expressive without tearing someone down and disrespecting them, then I don’t see the problem.... especially if the mate operates the same way. I always liked to refer to it being debating an issue… not arguing. Sounds better huh?

Seriously though… hashing something out respectfully can be done.

#76 06-05-2007, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Digging4Truth

She actually did that folks.

We had some guys helping us move and she was going to make Strawberry Shortcake for them...

I told here... girl... guys like chocolate cake... they don't like frilly strawberry shortcake.

Well she disagreed... but I held my ground.

So... off we went to the grocery store as she began performing an impromptu grocery store poll in Homer Louisiana on whether men like Chocolate cake or strawberry shortcake.

How funny.

By the way... our helpers enjoyed a nice strawberry shortcake that night. I have to admit... it was pretty good.

Well as you can see lol I am by no means ruled by an iron fist lol but I do seek to become more meek

LOL oneday maybe when Im older

should I take a poll D4T? Make everyone sing that childrens song we have disscussed for 16 years now? lol
The problem with dissagreeing isnt that you dissagree it is how you dissagree. Ladies when you think your husband is wrong grab a notebook and take poll LOL I must admit this is something we have laughed about for years lol He was dieing and I was having a blast asking men... Do you like Strawberry short cake. And of course most of them said yes lol and my husband was saying "Hold on that wasnt the question" it was "would you rather have "CHOCOLATE CAKE" or "strawberry short cake." Being that I am such an outgoing person I think most of the guys that voted strawberry shortcake voted because I wouldnt let them leave the isle until they agreed with me lol but it was fun and he was dieing! As my mother in law always says,"making memories"
BTW LADIES AN GENTLEMENT!.....
I love my mother in law we get along splendid!

#77 06-05-2007, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere

I thought I would post this here in large enough print for my eyes to be able to read.lol..I posted it on the Should sex be taught at church thread but really its not about sex.Its about what makes marriage work.
I would be interested in some good ideas and opinions by those who are married and what it takes to make the long run.We have been married for twenty-one years next December.The following is a scenario I witnessed today.It grieved me so.

Speaking of relationships.I spoke today with a person that I have known for along time.In the context of conversation the wife turned to the husband
and voiced this,"You always try to make me look stupid in front of our friends."
We were talking about surfing as he is a professional surfer.She hates the outdoors altogether.They have a gulf between them an ocean wide.
I left the conversation so grieved.I can see the divorce court so clear because neither is willing to give.
You have to give.You may not like the outdoors or the beach but have to put up with a trip or two just to be together and make the other person happy.
He may hate the mall but if a trip or two makes her happy go for it.
Marriage is give and take.You cannot always have things your way.
The other person has a voice and feelings as well.
A relationship does not begin in the bedroom.

I am sure some of you ladies who have been married for awhile can attest to this.
Sinful things you don't have to agree to but there are somethings that are not a sin and the other person enjoys so for the sake of the marriage
join them.Its not going to kill you to give a little.

To make marriage work is to seek God and to marry the one that He wants you to marry and not the one that you want to marry. That is one of the reasons why marriages end in divorce. To stay married, it gets harder, because people are selfish (sad, but true). The internet is a marriage killer too.

Hoovie · #78 06-05-2007, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pragmatist

I can't say my husband and I are as successful in not raising our voices as D4T and his wife, but it is definitely something we strive towards. I do think it is possible and healthier for a marriage.

Ditto.