For those who want to know...RULES at my church!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Amos

Frankly, I have a very hard time believing that some of those things were any sort of official "rule."

Things can get blown out of shape pretty easily.

By four people?

Amos, rules like this have been stated about preachers in CA too.

I'm surprised you called these four ladies backslide just because they left a UPC church. You are better than that.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Sheltiedad

It's like an arsonist who says, "None of those people even have houses anymore, how can they accuse me of burning their house down?"

Makes about as much sense.

As tired as some get of hearing some of the stupid things that happen, I get tired of those saying they don't happen.

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Makes about as much sense.

As tired as some get of hearing some of the stupid things that happen, I get tired of those saying they don't happen.

Yeah, I know what happened when I tried to post my family's story a couple of years ago, this is why I stick up for other people who finally get the courage to speak up. Maybe I should just give my story to Thad...

[The Mrs]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Makes about as much sense.

As tired as some get of hearing some of the stupid things that happen, I get tired of those saying they don't happen.

Or that the source the reports come from are unreliable.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Wow.
But ya know, it would be fun joining a church like that (for a very short while) just to have fun with some of these "rules" and tweak the people who make them.
Like opening the door to one of these people "dispatched to get you" while wearing a Hugh Hefner-style robe, Barry White playing in the background, and your wife calling your name from another room.

Lol....

[JaneEyre]

Originally Posted by The Mrs

I see it's the naysayers turn to voice their opinions and make light of something they really have no idea how hurtful and painful it really is.

It has been repeated over and over...if you haven't walked a mile in my shoes, you have no clue what you're talking about. In this case, that really does apply.

I always get irritated when I see posts that say, 'just walk', 'just leave', 'just go somewhere else'. Vote with your feet. I wish it were that simple, but it's not.

Unless you have been under spiritual abuse, or cult-like tendencies, you can't imagine how hard it really is. You don't 'just leave'. You are tied to that place and that leadership with only one thought in mind...your salvation is at stake. You HAVE to make it to heaven. And THIS is the ONLY WAY to get there. You are taught that there's no other way to be saved. I would NEVER risk my salvation like that.

You can't 'vote with your feet' unless you know it's wrong. Unless you've already had some exposure to it, you just don't realize it's wrong. NOW I know what to look for, and what to avoid...but I didn't THEN. I thought it was how everybody lived (inside the UPC of course).

People living under this kind of bondage lead very pain-filled lives. As witnessed in this thread alone, there were remarks made of suicide, or 'death thoughts'. I remember being one of those as well. You can't please the pastor, so you must not be pleasing God, so you start to think you would be better off dead, and wonder why God hasn't taken your life already. I remember several months that everytime I got in the car I expected to die in a crash.

When you first start realizing something's wrong, and you need to get out of there, you don't think about just going to the church next door. The only acceptable way for you to ever leave THAT CHURCH is if you move. So you start praying that God would give your husband a job opportunity in another city. Or another state. Or even in my case, another country. A job change is the ONLY acceptable reason, and even then it still has to be 'okayed' by the pastor. You still have to ask his permission. And he still has to consult with God about it, and will let you know the outcome.

I wish I could convey the hold this type of teaching has on a person...when you are constantly reminded of how your salvation is tied to this, you don't ever just walk away, or even dare to disagree.

I can tell from this post that you "have lived it"....Only someone who's been in this situation - someone's who's lived it can have these insights. Thanks, Sis. I wanted to type something like this but didn't take the time.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by JaneEyre

I can tell from this post that you "have lived it"....Only someone who's been in this situation - someone's who's lived it can have these insights. Thanks, Sis. I wanted to type something like this but didn't take the time.

You are right.

I am dissappointed that some here actually have said some of the things they have. Folks that come throught this and are still here to say to others "you can make it" should NOT have to put up with more abuse. Where's the compassion all around?

[JaneEyre]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

You are right.

I am dissappointed that some here actually have said some of the things they have. Folks that come throught this and are still here to say to others "you can make it" should NOT have to put up with more abuse. Where's the compassion all around?

Why are we blaming the victims? Exactly. Where IS the compassion?

[Tawanda]

Lawrd hold me back.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by JaneEyre

Why are we blaming the victims? Exactly. Where IS the compassion?

The concept of 'spiritual abuse' goes directly against the world view of those who believe in man-made "top down" view of religion. Meaning, pastor and his rules on top and the lay people on the bottom. That is simply "how it is!" to some. The pastor or organization will always be assumed innocent and the lay person will always be assumed guilty.