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Originally Posted by Rhoni
I have heard this one before...
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Dear Rhoni,
My wife just had our first child approimately six months ago. Since the baby has been here I can't understand why she doesn't keep the house clean, have supper ready, and when I walk through the door after working all day...she hands me the baby and tells me it is my turn. What does she do all day? I work 40-50 hours a week trying to supply the needs of my family and she does nothing. What should I do about this? I feel I am doing all the work and she is doing nothing.
Frustrated
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Dear Frustrated;
First, I'd like to thank-you for the question...men rarely write in to advice columns...it is brave of you.
I'd like to say that your situation is more common than out of the ordinary. Life follows cyclical patterns, and one cycle of life is the childbearing years.
When a woman carries a child for 9 months she feels an emotional attachment to the child that will forever change her. This comes later for the father. After 9 months of body changes, i.e., weight gain, water retention, sometimes high blood pressure, or gestational diabetes. There are hormone changes; one either becomes hyper-sexual or hypo-sexual. There is either a pronounced increase in libido or a pronounced decrease.
Regardless,after the birth of a child a woman's body again changes, she has loose fatty deposits in places she never imagined. Her body is stressed, worn, and exhausted from the experience. Then three days after the baby is born and she returns home and is expected to keep her house as clean as before, prepare meals, and greet her husband at the door with a smile.
Reality is, the baby has cried every 1-2 hours wanting immediate attention. She is trying to read the little one's mind: is the baby wet [need a diaper change], is the baby hungry [need a bottle or the breast], or is the baby in pain [sick],; How is one to know? She is overwhelmed with responsibility and she is afraid if she leaves the baby in the bassinett and walks intot he other room - the baby will stop breathing and die.
Her pre-baby schedule is never more the same. She is at the baby's beck and call...trying to meet all the baby's needs. When is she to find time for her own lunch? For a bath? For time to wash the dishes? Time to fix supper? She feels alone, deserted even though she knows her husband has went to work. She is so glad he has coem home to relieve her of the baby responsibilities so she can get a bath, sit down and eat something, and not worry that the baby is being neglected.
Father comes home, wants to relax because he just got home from work...he opens the door to a distraught wife, to a crying baby, and no supper, and the house is a mess. He feels that he has worked all day and she has done nothing, and tells her about it. Talk about miscommunicating and frustration. And having a baby is supposed to be a happy time...
Here are some things we might try to restore balance/ homeostasis to the situation:
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I will ignore your homophobic remark
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