Bullies and bullying- how close to home is it?

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by Ferd

im glad i didnt have that problem. I grew up in the country. perfection had more to do with how many doves you killed out of a box of shells.

I was NEVER perfect.

Randy, you guys have these horror stories of the UPCI and I honestly do believe you. But that just wasnt my experience. I was lucky or blessed or both.

For a few years -before my dad realized what was going on, had the pastor said "God is telling me that you need to share your wife with me! I am so sorry!", he would have seriously considered it. That is what I was exposed to, on top of some extreme school situations.

The only one who DIDN'T abandon me was God Himself. I tell ya, that sappy "Footsteps" poster has special meaning to me.

"Train up a child in the way he should go.....", well now I am an adult and have been for some time and will NEVER become a member of such an organization again (other than to have some fun and play some practical jokes).

[ILG]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Growing up the most common advice I heard from adults as well as "children" books written on the subject of bullies is that bullies are always cowards who will back down if you stand up to them.

I have found this to almost NEVER be the case. In fact MOST bullies will always escalate the situation no matter the consequences in order to come out on top.

MOST of the really bad bullies I dealt with spent some series time in prison and jail.

All true bullies do exactly what you said. Some people are bluffers and puff out their chests but many people will constantly up the ante to make your suffer.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

The only one who DIDN'T abandon me was God Himself. I tell ya, that sappy "Footsteps" poster has special meaning to me.

I know exactly how you feel, Randy. Different situations but, yeah.

[Michael The Disciple]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Growing up the most common advice I heard from adults as well as "children" books written on the subject of bullies is that bullies are always cowards who will back down if you stand up to them.

I have found this to almost NEVER be the case. In fact MOST bullies will always escalate the situation no matter the consequences in order to come out on top.

MOST of the really bad bullies I dealt with spent some series time in prison and jail.

Agreed. I grew up in an area around Dayton Ohio called "Hells Half Acre". I was as far as I recall the smallest, skinniest male in my school from the 8th grade on.

I suffered a lot of shame and misery from bullies in school and the neighborhood. As I know bullies they were usually people who had already proved themselves somewhat in battle and wanted to add to their reputation.

At least generally speaking if one stood up to them they would be quickly put in their place, I know it happened to me. What terrible years those were, from 1966 to 1973.

[Esaias]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Thus we get to ILG's comments about lack of home support. I did indeed "fight back" on more than one occasion but in every case found myself in far more trouble than the idiot who started the problems in the first place. My own dad would get upset at me when I DIDN'T fight back (probably the normal "man" part of him) but the part who wanted to be the man with the perfect "UPC family" sitting in the front pew got mad when I DID fight. It really was no win.

My dad told me if I lose a fight, no big deal. but if I QUIT a fight, give up, or back down, I'd have to deal with HIM when I got home.

In any event, none of my friends would have let me back down or quit a fight anyway. I knew if I did that, I'd not only have zero friends from then on, but I'd also be the target of every boy trying to prove himself and every girl would have treated me like a leper.

So, yeah, I didn't get to back down. lol

[Nitehawk013]

I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you this. I am tired of the anti-bullying PSA garbage. "Don't call Tommy fat or he will either shoot up a school or shoot himself". I'm sick of it.

I was the fat kid in school. I never shot anyone over it. I never even threw hands over it. I dealt with it. I was fat. Maybe kids just need to accept reality. If you are fat...you're fat. If you're ugly...you're ugly. If you're stupid and dirty...you're stupid and dirty. Suck it up and deal with it.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by Esaias

My dad told me if I lose a fight, no big deal. but if I QUIT a fight, give up, or back down, I'd have to deal with HIM when I got home.

In any event, none of my friends would have let me back down or quit a fight anyway. I knew if I did that, I'd not only have zero friends from then on, but I'd also be the target of every boy trying to prove himself and every girl would have treated me like a leper.

So, yeah, I didn't get to back down. lol

There is a classic scene from the Andy Griffith show where Opie stands up to someone and at the end of the episode runs into his dads office with a huge black eye, and a grin. The episode ends with Andy and Barnie congratulating him.

[Sasha]

Originally Posted by Ferd

I was raised UPCI.

I was picked on in grade school. I was little. My dad told me to fight. He told me to not stop fighting until the bullies decided it wasnt worth it.

I did.

they quit.

I told all of my children they better stand up for themselves.

My youngest daughter, who is almost 11, told me last week that a boy smaller than her punched her in the stomach. I asked what she did about that. Nothing, she said. I told her if she does nothing again, she will be in trouble. She said she was afraid that if she hurt him or hit him back, she would be in trouble.

I told her she might get in trouble at school, but I would back her up. However, if anyone hits her again, she is to knock them to the ground and if they try and get up before help arrives, she is to knock them down again...or she would be in trouble at home.

I told her she has to make a believer out of people like that or she will never get away from them.

[Sasha]

Originally Posted by Nitehawk013

I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you this. I am tired of the anti-bullying PSA garbage. "Don't call Tommy fat or he will either shoot up a school or shoot himself". I'm sick of it.

I was the fat kid in school. I never shot anyone over it. I never even threw hands over it. I dealt with it. I was fat. Maybe kids just need to accept reality. If you are fat...you're fat. If you're ugly...you're ugly. If you're stupid and dirty...you're stupid and dirty. Suck it up and deal with it.

I told my kids they will get made fun of for all different kinds of things....fat, ugly, mommy dresses them funny...etc. But I also told them to remember that people who belittle others have small minds, and there is NOTHING you can do about a small minded person. Smile, and remember, your brain is bigger than theirs.

[Michael The Disciple]

Should our kids be taught to fight according to Jesus?