This is the catch-22 of the submission topic. While I firmly believe in the rightful roles of authority and submission between a husband and a wife in marriage, as girls growing up in the church we have not generally been taught the difference between being submitted, and being abused. I am seeing more of it taught now, at least in my church, what it really means to have a biblical relationship, and how God expects us to treat each other.
A woman that has to ask her husband's permission in every situation and one that alienates her family and isolates her from others is abusive. Many abusive hsbands are hidden and are leaders in fundamentalist churches regardless of denomination. The Patriarchal stance of women in a lesser postion than men promote abuse.
The hardest thing about being in an emotionally abusive relationship is that there are no visible scars. Most men who are emotionally and psychologically abusive are very smart, and very good at hiding it in public. Any kind of abuse breaks down the will of a human to survive, and if you believe that you have to submit to it, then it is a double whammy. And with any kind of abuse, the abused want to hide it, or pretend it isn't happening.
You are so right about this Dizzyde! Very intelligent men can manipulate and control situations so that to the outward appearance others believe him to be the victim and take sides against the abused wife. The abused wife feels as if she has no one to stand with her and she feels "hopeless" which adds to the depression.
The other problem is the church as whole doesn't know what to do with emotional and psychological abuse, it is one of those areas that makes everyone nervous. The result is that if you do work up the courage to escape, you forever live with a question mark hanging over your head. Which is why many women walk away from God, it is just to much to live through that and then have to deal with rejection from the church. I thank God that I had people willing to stand by me.
Like I said, many rigid fundamentalist churches promote abuse without even realizing it until it comes to ahead and someon has the strength and support to stand up to it and get out. Women who are under this kind of abuse walk away from the religious dogma but many attribute their deliverance to the move of God to allow them to have the strength to stand alone [with God] and just say "No, I refuse to take this any longer"!
There are no easy answers for this and I am not trying to pretend that there are. It is just another, more sobering side to the issue being discussed.
Yes, this is a sobering subject and one that touches all of us in a real way when it involves friends and family. And you are right...the church as a whole does not know how to deal with it therefore it turns a blind eye and the woman caught in the cycle of abuse is victimized over and over again, not only by the abusive spouse, but the church, and the friends and family who want to cover it up and pretend it isn't happening.
I think the question itself is most interesting.It also depends upon your culture.In certain cultures the women are more assertive and the men
rely on them more.That is why marrying equally yoked is important.Its not just that the person is a christian that qualifies them for marriage.It takes
more than that.Some shoulder responsibility more equally and some less
depending on character and up bringing.
She should always submit without question. She should never usurp his authority. For example, if he comes in and wants his supper right now, she should give it to him. If he wants his slippers right now, she should get them and put them on his feet with a little foot rub beforehand. If he yells at her and is mean she should just take it and smile and tell him he's had a hard day.
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You become free from who you have become, by becoming who you were meant to be. ~Mark from another forum I post on
God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ. ~Romans 3:24 from The Message
I think if the man fulfills his God given responsibilites the wife has little problem submitting to him...Women find it hard to submit to a bully, a person who just thinks about himself, a persom that wants to show off power or authority...but a real man of God most of us women admire and gladly follow.
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I think if the man fulfills his God given responsibilites the wife has little problem submitting to him...Women find it hard to submit to a bully, a person who just thinks about himself, a persom that wants to show off power or authority...but a real man of God most of us women admire and gladly follow.
Absolutely!
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