For those who want to know...RULES at my church!

[Michlow]

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

It is a hard thing to get over...but you can...it will never go away but it does get better with time...I can even go out in my town now and not be afraid of running into anyone from that church...for a long time it made me nervous now I know they thing I am backslid and living in sin so I don't care, because I know, the Lord knows and the people I love and care about know...so that is all that matters to me!

Oh, I'm not afraid of anything like that. The bad churches are 900 miles away and so there is no chance that I will run into anyone from them.

No, in my case, I have simply openly embraced the fact that I have no desire to ever attend church or have anything to do with anything that borders on religious. Nor will I ever allow anyone to have any real or perceived spiritual authority over me again.

To be honest, these days I'm not even so sure about Jesus. If he's anything like they have made him out to be, I don't want anything to do with him either.

[freeatlast]

Originally Posted by Theresa

I have to ask....does this kind of thing STILL go on in the churches STS and freeatlast know about??

it is better there now, the chuirch I attended was a large upci with 500 in sunday school in the midwest.

They have changed pastors 2 times since i escaped from there in 1991.

They recently sold there church property to a large corporation and are building a new church.

My thoughts...bankruptcy within 3 years..the new pastor will split for greener $ pastures and it will become one of those little upc outfits where people remember back when we had 500 in sunday school.

Still a mess there in my opinion.

Originally Posted by Michlow

Oh, I'm not afraid of anything like that. The bad churches are 900 miles away and so there is no chance that I will run into anyone from them.

No, in my case, I have simply openly embraced the fact that I have no desire to ever attend church or have anything to do with anything that borders on religious. Nor will I ever allow anyone to have any real or perceived spiritual authority over me again.

To be honest, these days I'm not even so sure about Jesus. If he's anything like they have made him out to be, I don't want anything to do with him either.

OH Mich what you have said sacres me more than anything else...please don't turn your back on the Lord...nothing has been said about Jesus...I love Him evn more now....because I am free to have an open relationship with Him and be the woman he created....

As to church I do understand, it is hard to go to any church after this, but I won't give up, I just will be very careful about who I listen to and what they say....

[freeatlast]

Originally Posted by Michlow

Oh, I'm not afraid of anything like that. The bad churches are 900 miles away and so there is no chance that I will run into anyone from them.

No, in my case, I have simply openly embraced the fact that I have no desire to ever attend church or have anything to do with anything that borders on religious. Nor will I ever allow anyone to have any real or perceived spiritual authority over me again.

To be honest, these days I'm not even so sure about Jesus. If he's anything like they have made him out to be, I don't want anything to do with him either.

Let me assure you Michlow..Jesus is nothing like these pastors and churches being discussed on this thread.

I feel I now know Jesus as never before. He is my rightousesness, my holiness. Hes my advocate who mediates for me day and night. I am a friend of God.

I know now that he took my sin upon him and there is nothing that i can do or need to do to become one one with him.

Simply believe and trust in what Jesus did for you Michlow.

Therefore there is now NO condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus.

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

This is not about bashing...please don't to go there...this is just what my church was like and my Pastor wanted it....we didn't think it was necessary so we left! I love them, and I hope nothing but the best for them, I just think fear rules them and to me that is soooooo sad!

Rules...
1. No talking on the phone for more than 10 minutes
2. No friends outside of church, not even family (it was discouraged strongly)
3. No more than three families at a time in your home and not too often, if you had a gathering you are suppose to ask everyone in the church so no one gets offended.
4. No home bible studies without the ministry being there
5. You must attend all fellowships
6. So lunch dates, or shopping with friends even the ones in church...
7. No important decisions made without consulting the pastor...like, buying a car(new, used, how much you can spend)...same with a home or property.
8. You were not allowed to move, unless you had his OK.

Being we are older we did not attend parenting classes or marriage classes so we missed out on a lot of the rules...but over time we learned. This is not everything, but for the moment its enough...I might add more as I think of them.....

So there ya go Thad....

been under the same mentality. major issues at work.

[Thad]

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

SoCali, that was bad, but this post was uggggggggggggggggggly!

why was this post so ugly ??

[Thad]

Originally Posted by SisBeezer

wow i have been reading this thread for almost an hour now, it is incredible. and i was beginning to think i was one of the only ones who had been through such a mess. i was in two different churches like this. believe me, they are very real and very abusive.

the first church i was in, here are some of the rules:
1) no one under any circumstance could wear the color red, or own anything that was red, no red cars, nothing
2) i was not married by the time i moved to this church, so i was required to give the pastor, keys to my house, my car, he had his name put on my bank account. single women could not even run to the grocery store alone.
3) besides the normal you cant cut your hair rule, they had it, if you were 14 or under you were required to wear your hair down. no pony tails, no bows, no clips, nothing. after 14 you were required to wear your hair up at all times until you married. then you could wear your hair down, only in the presence of your spouse. only thing allowed in your hair was bobby pins. not even hair spray was allowed.
4) you could not purchase anything or take a job without the pastors approval and when you first move there or join that church, if he didnt like your job, or home or car, you were forced to change it, imediately.
5) under no circumstances was a single person allowed to have any visitor in their home unless it was same sexed relatives. i was under constant watch because i was a single mother with two sons. he at one point tried to force me to move my sons out of my home, because he said it did not look right for boys to live with a single lady (omg i was their mother!)
6) no sports were allowed at all for anyone at any time. you couldnt even go in your own yard and play catch with your own children and heaven forbid if you shot a basket!
7) they allowed no dating at all. if a guy liked a girl, he met with the pastor for a year, then the pastor went to the girls parents if he approved, and told them that he had her husband. then the marriage was planned between the pastor and parents. after marriage, he said when they could have children and when they couldnt.

i could go on but i am sure this one post wouldnt hold it all. sigh the next church was just as bad, almost the same rules stated applied, plus a few new ones

1) no electronic devices were allowed, no tv, no cell phone, no computer, no radio, no MICROWAVES even, we were required to use wind up alarm clocks even!!
2) if you wanted to go out to eat after a service, you were only allowed to go with your immediate family, and had to order it to take home.
3) under no circumstance were you ever allowed to visit another church, OF ANY KIND! i made the mistake of visiting a revival that a friend from work was going to at her church, and they were apostolic! i wont say what i went through over that one.
4) we were not allowed to go to any kind of doctor, dentist or anyone in the medical profession, no medication is allowed at any time, not so much as an asprin.

anyways the list is endless. what made me finally leave and never go back was, one night around 3am, the pastor came into my home, i was in bed asleep as was my youngest son, he was 15 at the time. the pastor drug my son out of his bed, with the help of four other elders, they took him out into the street into the church building that was across the street and beat him from head to toe. when i asked as to why this was happening, i was told that God told him that my son was watching porn on a tv hidden in his closet! there was no tv anywhere in my home at the time, for we were not allowed any electronics.

this is very real, and there are so many that are being spiritually abused at the hands of so called pastors. if you have not experience this you need to thank God that he protected you, but for many this is very real and very damaging. dont look down on those who leave the churches all together because of this. these kinds of abuses are the worst. its one thing to be abused by friends or family, but when you are abused by your pastor and church it does something that is not easily healed. its easy to sit and pass judgement on us, but until you have walked in our shoes you have no idea just how deep this pain goes.

*********BUMP**********

[Michlow]

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

OH Mich what you have said sacres me more than anything else...please don't turn your back on the Lord...nothing has been said about Jesus...I love Him evn more now....because I am free to have an open relationship with Him and be the woman he created....

As to church I do understand, it is hard to go to any church after this, but I won't give up, I just will be very careful about who I listen to and what they say....

STS, I didn't mean to scare you! You know me, too transparent for my own good. The truth is, everything I ever learned about God was distorted and twisted. God to me is someone who can't be trusted. Someone you can never please. Someone who is arbitrary and capricious. Malicious, cruel, and unjust.

Would you want to serve a God like that? Yeah, me neither.

A part of me knows and accepts that they were wrong, that the god they serve is not the real Jesus. But because all my former beliefs and concepts were built on a highly faulty foundation, most of it has crumbled into dust. And I find it extremely difficult to trust anything.

Furthermore, I don't trust any of the tools that one would normally obtain answers from (not to mention that I don't necessarily believe that there ARE answers to obtain).

My signature actually sums it up fairly well. I do believe in a divine creator, a higher power, a God. And I do believe that he is Jesus. But that is as far as I am willing to go.

Churches, demoninations, doctrines, rules, heaven/hell, even the concept of the Bible being inerrant, are all things that have no meaning to me.

And the truth is, I am happier than I have been in as long as I remember. Peaceful, you know?

Originally Posted by freeatlast

Let me assure you Michlow..Jesus is nothing like these pastors and churches being discussed on this thread.

I feel I now know Jesus as never before. He is my rightousesness, my holiness. Hes my advocate who mediates for me day and night. I am a friend of God.

I know now that he took my sin upon him and there is nothing that i can do or need to do to become one one with him.

Simply believe and trust in what Jesus did for you Michlow.

Therefore there is now NO condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus.

I can't say that I know Jesus better than I did before, but I can't say that I know him less either. In fact if anything I question what I ever really knew in the first place. Even further, I question if God even intended for us to ever have the answers.

[StillStanding]

Originally Posted by Michlow

STS, I didn't mean to scare you! You know me, too transparent for my own good. The truth is, everything I ever learned about God was distorted and twisted. God to me is someone who can't be trusted. Someone you can never please. Someone who is arbitrary and capricious. Malicious, cruel, and unjust.

Would you want to serve a God like that? Yeah, me neither.

A part of me knows and accepts that they were wrong, that the god they serve is not the real Jesus. But because all my former beliefs and concepts were built on a highly faulty foundation, most of it has crumbled into dust. And I find it extremely difficult to trust anything.

Furthermore, I don't trust any of the tools that one would normally obtain answers from (not to mention that I don't necessarily believe that there ARE answers to obtain).

My signature actually sums it up fairly well. I do believe in a divine creator, a higher power, a God. And I do believe that he is Jesus. But that is as far as I am willing to go.

Churches, demoninations, doctrines, rules, heaven/hell, even the concept of the Bible being inerrant, are all things that have no meaning to me.

And the truth is, I am happier than I have been in as long as I remember. Peaceful, you know?



I can't say that I know Jesus better than I did before, but I can't say that I know him less either. In fact if anything I question what I ever really knew in the first place. Even further, I question if God even intended for us to ever have the answers.

Michlow, what you are experiencing is totally normal!

When you are released from extremism, folks tend to pull away like a pendulum and it usually doesn't stop in the middle.

My prayer for you is that you find peace with God in one way or another!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Pianoman

Michlow, what you are experiencing is totally normal!

When you are released from extremism, folks tend to pull away like a pendulum and it usually doesn't stop in the middle.

My prayer for you is that you find peace with God in one way or another!

Excellent insight and advice!