To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter

[Jermyn Davidson]

I still think the daughter is attributing too much guillt to her father in this letter.

For all we know, this could have been a one time slip-up or representative of a very brief period in his life where he fell into a trap of sin.

She is having issues and she is searching for the reasons for her issues. Daddy is the perfect scapegoat.

"Thanks Dad for being such a perv that now it is impossible for me to trust men in general-- you're the best!"


I'm not buying this.

[Aquila]

Men are men. We are susceptible to certain proclivities. That's just the way it is. If we stay grounded in the Spirit we will enjoy greater victory.

When it comes to modesty I normally try to explain it like this...

Women know how touch can excite. A man responds to visual stimuli as much as a woman might respond to voice and touch.

[good samaritan]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

You know what I believe? I am thinking of a comment by Whoopi Goldberg saying that unless you are black, you will not understand what true racism is. She said that some white people get it, but only black people know what it feels like.

In that same vain, unless you are a woman, you cannot truly understand the pressure that we deal with from a sexual society.

This woman opened up a very necessary dialogue we should be having.

By way of example, a supposedly conservative radio host in Houston was calling for everyone to come to the beach in Galveston because they will have a car show with women in bikinis. I asked him why he would suggest such a thing being a married Christian. He said, "Oh, go take it up with Pat Robertson." LOL! He didn't care if he protected those women's lives. Why not? Because "boys will be boys". Does he realize that he is not helping men get out of their porn addictions? Does he realize HE is an enabler? Does HE realize HE is part of the problem?

You can see suggestive stuff on Glen Beck's website, and many others. I guess men don't read the news unless half dressed women are present? They should all be held accountable.

I agree with you, but the good dialogue shouldn't be between a daughter and her father unless he consented and gave permission. Dialogue should be taking place more in the home than on the internet.

I like Fox news because it seems to speak out more from a conservative view. The only thing is the ladies must not be allowed to wear skirts below the knee because they are horribly dressed. Most of the time I will literally either turn the screen on my laptop or cover it with something and try to listen. We need to stand firmer on modesty and maybe start boycotting things more that doesn't hold our christian values.

[Esaias]

Faux News, the "conservative" voice of Minitru.... lol

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by good samaritan

I agree with you, but the good dialogue shouldn't be between a daughter and her father unless he consented and gave permission. Dialogue should be taking place more in the home than on the internet.

I like Fox news because it seems to speak out more from a conservative view. The only thing is the ladies must not be allowed to wear skirts below the knee because they are horribly dressed. Most of the time I will literally either turn the screen on my laptop or cover it with something and try to listen. We need to stand firmer on modesty and maybe start boycotting things more that doesn't hold our christian values.

I had a typo in the post you referenced. It should be "in the same vein", not vain.

But more to your point, the letter was written "anonymously", not targeting a person by name, but rather, opening up an important discussion.

Not everyone is going to react or be affected in the same way. Apparently, for this young girl, it was devastating. I can only imagine what her little eyes saw.

Anyway, it seems the men here are making excuses for their, ummm, "certain proclivities".

The "anonymous" writer wanted to share her experience, and I shared it here. I identified with her, not because my father was into porn, but because he was an alcoholic. That affected me in a lot of ways growing up. I visited him in the hospital one occasion. The pharmacy had to wrap a prescription label around his beer can before sending it to his room. He loved me and that was all I cared about, but it still had a long lasting affect on my life.

I still believe that men in our society do not take their responsibilities as seriously as they should. That shows in how the women are presented on Fox News, etc. Social mores - it is expected of us. The young girl was right - "As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”.

Too bad this point is being overlooked, largely.

[Aquila]

Men and women both should take their God given roles far more seriously.

[crakjak]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Not a problem. And I didn't think it was immature on the writer's behalf to share a traumatic experience that began as a "12 year old" stumbling on her father's computer porn. How awfully shocking!



I agree. I know a couple who went for counseling because of her husband's horrible porn addiction. He was so obsessed that he would look at the lingerie section of her mail-order catalogs - JC Penny, Dillards, etc.

Anyway, the interesting part of the counseling is that the husband was instructed to make a list of EVERYTHING that had a sexual message for him from the time he left the house for work until he got home - billboards, magazines at grocery checkout, etc.

The counselor said, "I want you to be aware of what society is doing to our men so that you can help me fight this."

So, that is why I do not in anyway think the daughter was immature to post the letter.

Men can keep putting on the mantra - "Boys will be boys" and "Cut him some slack." But, please note that in Deut 22:20 if a woman was found NOT to be a virgin, she was brought to her "father's doorstep" and stoned. Not outside the camp or at the city gate, but to her father. He is and should be her principle protector. Men should take that roll much more seriously than they do today.

My...."cut him some slack..." was not directed to the subject of the original post, as you would understand if you read my post in context.

[crakjak]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Was anyone focusing on the daughter who shared her experience at "12-years old" having to process porn on her father's computer? 12 years old!

Can anyone pull up a chair and begin to think of what she had to process when she viewed what her father had been viewing and how that subsequently affected her life. Both scared and curious, how horrible her little heart felt? Did she ever get those images out of her head?

It isn't about cutting her father some slack. It is addressing the lackadaisical attitude that "boys will be boys". Hold him accountable, but cut him some slack, 'cause that what men do. Ugh!

Do men realize why many women dress like they do? I know there are some women who will dress provocative anyway, but "many" already feel objectified and so they fall into that horrible trap that men have laid out for them - I want eye candy!

The daughter began to notice that many men were like her father. "I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way. As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. "

That was the girl's point in the letter. Please stop making excuses for what men and society are doing to women's lives. That has to be a huge part of the conversation while we are talking about both sides of the story.

I agree with your post, there is no excuse for a father that exposes his vulnerable young daughter to the abuse of women that is so typical of porn!!!

If men could see those women that for the very most part are abused and used, for what they are, it would be much harder to derive any pleasure in the viewing!!!

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by crakjak

I agree with your post, there is no excuse for a father that exposes his vulnerable young daughter to the abuse of women that is so typical of porn!!!

If men could see those women that for the very most part are abused and used, for what they are, it would be much harder to derive any pleasure in the viewing!!!

Thank you, Crakjak! This is the post I was looking for!

[shazeep]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

...As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. "

Wadr, this is the culture she lives in, albeit at her father's behest. So change cultures. Then the discussions about defending mens' proclivities, etc, all goes away.