Bullies and bullying- how close to home is it? - Page 5

ILG · #41 10-20-2013, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sasha

Nuff said.

I was raised in the Chicago suburbs.

Yikes. Eat or be eaten.

ILG · #42 10-20-2013, 03:06 PM

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Originally Posted by houston

he is saying that kids are over nurtured. they are not allowed to experience pain and disappointments... then when they do, they do not know how to cope with it...

I think this is true with a lot of mainstream kids.

Sasha · #43 10-20-2013, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esaias

It's not just 'overnurturing', it's a combination of things. 'Different strokes for different folks' is the devil's motto, as far as I can tell. He offers one path to destruction to one group, and another path to another, depending on what their situation is.

But a lot of the 'soft' kids i know about, have horrible home lives. I mean parents who aren't there, who basically despise their own children and let them know it, etc. There's just something missing in the psyche of a lot of youth today. I know many people I grew up with who had unbelievably horrible home lives, who were anything BUT 'nurtured', who did not turn out as 'helpless' as I see a lot of kids today.

In fact that's what it is - learned helplessness. I guess. I see so many kids who seem barely able to tie their shoelaces without someone holding their hand.

Some kids get too much 'affirmation' so that can't deal with 'rejection' or opposition. Other kids get no affirmation to the point they crave it so bad they can't get along without it.

I mean, it's like young people today are just fragile or something.

Of course, I know for a fact my dad felt pretty much the same way about my generation. And I know my grandpa probably felt the same way about my parents' generation, lol.

Like I said, we kicked God to the curb then the world wonders why their children are in overcrowded prisons.

My mom was one to make me do everything myself. My brother, however, she coddled. Today, you can see the difference in him and I in all areas. While I hated her for it then, she actually did me a huge favor!

Praxeas · #44 10-20-2013, 05:10 PM

Because we're conditioned to believe that people commit such horrible acts because they feel badly about themselves, we conclude that these two girls must somehow be psychologically fractured and hamstrung by low self-esteem and self-hate.

Though it is true that "hurting people hurt people," more research reveals that the opposite is true when it comes to bullying: Girls like Rebecca are stalked, harassed, beaten and slandered due to inordinate self-love.
Writes Dr. Roy Baumeister of the University of Florida in Scientific American: "Playground bullies regard themselves as superior to other children; low self-esteem is found among the victims of bullies but not among bullies themselves."

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/...-about-others/

RandyWayne · #45 10-20-2013, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Praxeas

Because we're conditioned to believe that people commit such horrible acts because they feel badly about themselves, we conclude that these two girls must somehow be psychologically fractured and hamstrung by low self-esteem and self-hate.

Though it is true that "hurting people hurt people," more research reveals that the opposite is true when it comes to bullying: Girls like Rebecca are stalked, harassed, beaten and slandered due to inordinate self-love.
Writes Dr. Roy Baumeister of the University of Florida in Scientific American: "Playground bullies regard themselves as superior to other children; low self-esteem is found among the victims of bullies but not among bullies themselves."

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/...-about-others/

Growing up the most common advice I heard from adults as well as "children" books written on the subject of bullies is that bullies are always cowards who will back down if you stand up to them.

I have found this to almost NEVER be the case. In fact MOST bullies will always escalate the situation no matter the consequences in order to come out on top.

MOST of the really bad bullies I dealt with spent some series time in prison and jail.

Esaias · #46 10-20-2013, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Growing up the most common advice I heard from adults as well as "children" books written on the subject of bullies is that bullies are always cowards who will back down if you stand up to them.

I have found this to almost NEVER be the case. In fact MOST bullies will always escalate the situation no matter the consequences in order to come out on top.

MOST of the really bad bullies I dealt with spent some series time in prison and jail.

I must be behind the times. When I was growing up, a 'bully' was basically a twerp who acted tough and terrorized impressionable (and generally smaller and otherwise sheltered) kids. Such people generally ceased to be bullies when they tried to bully someone who decided that, upon the first demand for 'lunch money', the proper response was a swift frontal assault.

I always had a clear distinction in my social taxonomy between 'bullies' and genuine BA's.*

*BA stands for Bad Attitude. Yeah, that's the ticket...

Sasha · #47 10-20-2013, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILG

Those who were usually protected some at home usually could tough it through outside harassment better than those who weren't. Usually it's those who had protection at home who like to throw the word "coddled" around.

I do get sick of having to protect kids from every little thing and the kumbaya atmosphere of a lot of school stuff. But I get just as tired of people who had good family support acting stronger than those who didn't have it. They are often pretty clueless.

While I wasn't coddled, I certainly was sheltered. My mom thought anyone NOT from our church was a vile sinner, so it didn't matter that I had no friends, I couldn't have them anyway. But I agree, a good family support might have made the difference with me.

Sasha · #48 10-20-2013, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILG

I wasn't there when this happened to you, but I believe you. Sorry it happened.

While my adult mind is over it, the childhood memories I have cannot forget.

RandyWayne · #49 10-20-2013, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esaias

I must be behind the times. When I was growing up, a 'bully' was basically a twerp who acted tough and terrorized impressionable (and generally smaller and otherwise sheltered) kids. Such people generally ceased to be bullies when they tried to bully someone who decided that, upon the first demand for 'lunch money', the proper response was a swift frontal assault.

I always had a clear distinction in my social taxonomy between 'bullies' and genuine BA's.*

*BA stands for Bad Attitude. Yeah, that's the ticket...

Thus we get to ILG's comments about lack of home support. I did indeed "fight back" on more than one occasion but in every case found myself in far more trouble than the idiot who started the problems in the first place. My own dad would get upset at me when I DIDN'T fight back (probably the normal "man" part of him) but the part who wanted to be the man with the perfect "UPC family" sitting in the front pew got mad when I DID fight. It really was no win.

Sasha · #50 10-20-2013, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Growing up the most common advice I heard from adults as well as "children" books written on the subject of bullies is that bullies are always cowards who will back down if you stand up to them.

I have found this to almost NEVER be the case. In fact MOST bullies will always escalate the situation no matter the consequences in order to come out on top.

MOST of the really bad bullies I dealt with spent some series time in prison and jail.

My mother would often make me recite the 'sticks and stones' poem to show that bullies meant nothing.

Whoever wrote that had a sick mind, as well as was blind, deaf, and certainly dumb.