Irreconcilable Differences - Page 5

Nahum · #41 05-30-2007, 11:51 AM

This discussion can become something great.

I would be particularly interested in non-bitter, simply factual posts regarding
divorce, job departures, changing individual churches, and organizational drift.

What made you leave? What was the final straw?

Don't get too personal, okay?

rgcraig · #42 05-30-2007, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crakjak

I know there are two sides to every story, but I know this situation well. What did she do? She begged him not to drink in front of their children. She cleaned up after him, she covered for him. She enabled him. If she had been better equipped she could have handled better I'm sure, however her life was in danger at that moment.

I know there are two sides to every story, but my point is there are some situations that "the other side" has no story or no choice.

crakjak · #43 05-30-2007, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by revrandy

In any relationship there are two sides to every story and a person dealing with a couple will not have a full picture of what's going on until both sides are communicated...

1. Abuse in any situation is grounds for seperation in my opininon... leading to Divorce if necessary.. there is no reason a person should be told to stay in a abusive situation..

2. Adultery is not immediate grounds for a divorce.. Relationships can be worked out even when adultery is involved...

3. Not all pregant unwed mothers should marry the Father of their child... this can lead to major problems..

I think if any two people are willing to do what it takes to make a relationship work any problem can be worked out and the relationship saved...

if only one trys... the relationship is doomed..

Good post, I agree. Every situation is different and needs careful counsel. However, many times counsel is totally rejected.

Rhoni · #44 05-30-2007, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

I used to mock people who made that kind of claim to end a marriage.

Irreconcilable differences.

I used to think that there was no difference so great that a resolution could not be reached. I used to think that the "irreconcilable differences" claim was just an excuse to get out of a marriage, and swap up. But the older I get, the more I realize there really are some differences that cannot be resolved.

Understand that I am not excusing divorce. I still believe that a person has a moral obligation to stand by the vows they made to their spouse, and to God. But I can see how two people can diverge after a while. How life can effect major personality changes. So much so, that a person becomes unrecognizable after a while. This is why quality time in marriage must have its place. It minimizes the differences as people grow together.

Before I answer the following questions I need to comment on the above: The sign of a healthy marriage is one that is flexible enough to adjust to changes through the couple's life cycle.

By this I mean, individually we change every 7-10 years. We have to be flexible enough to compromise where we can to accept the changes in each other.

When we are young, many times our personalities are not fully formed and we don't know who we are outside the roles we play, i.e., husband, father, son, pastor/employee.

When we realize who we are, what we want and expect out of life, it is necessary that we speak/communicate with our spouses our dreams, goals, and even changes taken place in ourselves.

Our spouses need to do the same with us. If you can talk/communicate with each other and come up with a plan together how to preserve the marital relationship and yet maintain our individual identity. It takes work, compromise, conflict resolution, and lots of prayer for each other and oursleves.

The irreconcilable differences in marriage are when one changes and the other cannot accpet the changes or compromise together to facilitate the changes...this is when divorce happens.

Quote:

I have several questions about "irreconcilable differences".

How should we handle the irreconcilable differences that arise in our lives outside of marriage?

I think that if we would put these into practice then reconciling in the marriage would be easier...we do not give as much attention to our marriages as we do to our jobs, friends, or our hobbies. Listening, brainstorming a plan for resolving issues, putting our conflict resolution skills inot practice, and choosing our battles wisely. Sometimes battles are won by losing.

Quote:

How long do you stay with an employer you are consistently at odds with?

The last job I had was the worst ever. I did not like the job, the people I worked with were not people I would particularly choose to work or socialize with. The directors/managers/bosses were inexperienced, unable to lead with any degree of confidence or competence. I tried to work around all their issues and differences, but when it came to affecting the integrity of my job I could not continue any longer.

For some this might be 6 months, 1 year, or 5 years...it depends ont he person and the degree to which one can tolerate the differences. For me it was approx. 6 months.

Quote:

How long do you stay in an organization you disagree with?

My reference point is UPCI, I stayed in it and stay around it although I disagree with it in many areas. It is like being in an abusive relationship. The victim at least knows what is going to happen and after a good beating knows there will be a period of wine and roses until the bad starts up again. Those in abusive relationships stay in them because it is what they know. They don't know what healthy feels like and they are afraid of change and the loss of something that might be fixed.
How long do you stay in a church that is headed in a different direction than you want to go?

Quote:

What level of disagreement is tolerable and acceptable? At what point do you cut bait and run?

If you are talking about a marriage...you exhaust all resources and methods of trying and then you try again.

I hope this answers your questions...I have to go.

Blessings, Rhoni

MissBrattified · #45 05-30-2007, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

This discussion can become something great.

I would be particularly interested in non-bitter, simply factual posts regarding
divorce, job departures, changing individual churches, and organizational drift.

What made you leave? What was the final straw?

The final straw for me was when I was mistreated in the same manner many others had been mistreated. Later, one of my biggest regrets was that I didn't stand up for others the same way my husband stood up for me. In fact, that was probably my biggest lesson learned...that we shouldn't wait until injustice hits home to stand against it.

SDG · #46 05-30-2007, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhoni

If you are talking about a marriage...you exhaust all resources and methods of trying and then you try again.

I hope this answers your questions...I have to go.

Blessings, Rhoni

Amen.

crakjak · #47 05-30-2007, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I know there are two sides to every story, but my point is there are some situations that "the other side" has no story or no choice.

I understand and I agree.

"GL" · #48 05-30-2007, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

This discussion can become something great.

I would be particularly interested in non-bitter, simply factual posts regarding
divorce, job departures, changing individual churches, and organizational drift.

What made you leave? What was the final straw?

Don't get too personal, okay?

IMO these shouldn't be grouped together, but rather handled individually.

Divorce is the breaking of a fellowship which God considers a covenant relationship.

Most of the time, leaving a job is not.

It would be interesting, for anyone having the time, to post applicable scripture principles...

Nahum · #49 05-30-2007, 11:59 AM

Be back in a few.

Nahum · #50 05-30-2007, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by "GL"

IMO these shouldn't be grouped together, but rather handled individually.

Divorce is the breaking of a fellowship which God considers a covenant relationship.

Most of the time, leaving a job is not.

It would be interesting, for anyone having the time, to post applicable scripture principles...

If you will read my first opost, I made that exact distinction. Divorce is a good example of a covenant realtionship. The others mentioned are not. My point was that you have the option of ending other relationships. What set of circumstances causes us to do so?