Train up a Child

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by The Mrs

Maybe not initially AG...you may not have put that training INTO him, none of us would intentionally do that. But by being passive and allowing it, we do them a great disservice. EVERYTHING is training to a child, whether it's active or passive.

They are always testing and trying new things, new attitudes, new behaviors. They grow and change every day. We have to keep up with their changes, and adjust accordingly.

Apparently you didn't keep indulging that behavior, but you worked to take it OUT of him. You demanded better character from him, and he changed.

Really, if you look at the root of it all, it boils down to self-centeredness. They want. They get. When we come against those bad behaviors we are teaching them to control themselves, which will lead to selflessness as they grow.

Good post.

Initially, disrespect is something most children will try at some point or another. Just like lying. The parents' response to that behavior is what matters.

[The Mrs]

Originally Posted by AmazingGrace

So you are going to tell me that a 2 yr old who had never been told these words were wrong because I never thought in a million years that he would hear them from me and he never heard a single word that was bad from me... would call me these horrid names... yet I went into the hospital and came home and find out by his father admitting that he told him to call me those names.. that its now my fault???? BTW he neverrrrrrrrr called me another name after that day! He learnt better real fast!

AG...I think the situations that TS and I are referring to would be an ongoing behavior that isn't corrected out of a child.

What you are referring to is a child experimenting.

He experimented with a behavior, you corrected it. You did the right thing.

What we are talking about is children that exhibit bad behavior who are never corrected. If this same child had called you those bad names, and you didn't do anything about it, you would have reinforced his bad behavior by being passive about it. That's what we would mean by disrespect being the parent's fault.

Again, EVERYTHING is training to a child, whether active or passive.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by AmazingGrace

lol....


Let me just clarify...

This child in question...

Was beaten from birth by his father (no I did not know this till years later for whoever wants to blame me for that too)

He was abused severely by a babysitter

He watched his grandmother die

He was locked in a basement for 4 days by a babysitter and beaten across the face with a beltbuckle until he had no skin left on his nose and one cheekbone was exposed...

All this by the age of 2

If a curse word was the worst I got out of him then I think I did pretty good...

This post makes me want to cry.

Most of us have never had to deal with a child who has had such severe stressors. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize that such trauma can lead to disciplinary problems and other issues. Which is why a "Good Whoopin'" simply isn't adequate or intelligent.

Of course, on the flip side, if you indulge a child too much out of pity, that can be damaging as well, as I'm sure you're well aware.

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by AmazingGrace

So you are going to tell me that a 2 yr old who had never been told these words were wrong because I never thought in a million years that he would hear them from me and he never heard a single word that was bad from me... would call me these horrid names... yet I went into the hospital and came home and find out by his father admitting that he told him to call me those names.. that its now my fault???? BTW he neverrrrrrrrr called me another name after that day! He learnt better real fast!

Your saying the same thing I am "BTW he neverrrrrrrrr called me another name after that day! He learnt better real fast!"

This what i said "BTW if my child calls me a name and there's no just recompence of reward, then it's my fault if he continues to call me names."

Kinda the same thing

I said "disrespecting" as it continued to be allowed do so.

Any kid has the potential to show out but if allowed tp do so without being checked then yes it's the parents fault.

[dizzyde]

Originally Posted by Joseph

Every mother and wife have two books that are a must for them.


1. "TO TRAIN UP A CHILD" BY MICHAEL & DEBI PEARL - www.nogreaterjoy.org

(you can read chapter 1 here: Click Here)


2. "FASCINATING WOMANHOOD" BY HELEN ANDELIN - www.fascinatingwomanhood.net

There is some wisdom to be had in this book, but these people have completely removed themselves from society, not all of their methods are entirely workable. They are pretty hard-core.

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by The Mrs

AG...I think the situations that TS and I are referring to would be an ongoing behavior that isn't corrected out of a child.

What you are referring to is a child experimenting.

He experimented with a behavior, you corrected it. You did the right thing.

What we are talking about is children that exhibit bad behavior who are never corrected. If this same child had called you those bad names, and you didn't do anything about it, you would have reinforced his bad behavior by being passive about it. That's what we would mean by disrespect being the parent's fault.

Again, EVERYTHING is training to a child, whether active or passive.

Exactly! they are missing the word i used "disrespectING"

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by The Mrs

AG...I think the situations that TS and I are referring to would be an ongoing behavior that isn't corrected out of a child.

What you are referring to is a child experimenting.

He experimented with a behavior, you corrected it. You did the right thing.

What we are talking about is children that exhibit bad behavior who are never corrected. If this same child had called you those bad names, and you didn't do anything about it, you would have reinforced his bad behavior by being passive about it. That's what we would mean by disrespect being the parent's fault.

Again, EVERYTHING is training to a child, whether active or passive.

I agree with this. And none of us like a BRAT... Usually when you meet a brat, you tend to immediately blame the parents. (And mumble about them under your breath, or to your husband....LOL!) There is good reason for that, because of what you stated above.

In general, if a child is constantly disrespectful, ill-mannered and badly behaved, it is either because of a lack of discipline and love from his caregivers, OR it is because he has a behavioral problem that needs to be addressed.

In today's culture of disengaged parents and children who are raised by nannies and babysitters and preschool teachers, I would think that disconnection and a lack of love and attention IS a contributing factor in bad behavior. Of course, I'm not a professional...just my opinions.

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

This is a shortsighted statement.

So if a child continues to disrepect his parents, who fault is it?

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by dizzyde

There is some wisdom to be had in this book, but these people have completely removed themselves from society, not all of their methods are entirely workable. They are pretty hard-core.

Fascinating womanhood...is a fascinating book. But I agree...there is a problem with practical application.

[The Mrs]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Fascinating womanhood...is a fascinating book. But I agree...there is a problem with practical application.

Wasn't there a big brew-ha-ha over on NFCF over this book?