I Don't Want to be a Preacher

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by Cindy

DB, go be a husband.

Working on it daily, thanks.

[Sister Alvear]

praying for you...

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

Working on it daily, thanks.

[Cindy]

Maybe this should be a lesson for saints. Are there needy saints? I mean, saints that go to the Pastor for EVERYTHING. And also Asst. Pastors, etc to help out the Pastor.

[Old Paths]

The life of a preacher is tuff and the life of the preacher's wife is even tuffer.

The preacher gets discouraged, prays, walks into the pulpit and feels the anointing and all is right in his world.

The preacher's wife, on the other hand, has listened to her husband's gripes and complaints, seen how folks treat him and gets just as discouraged, she shares his life, burdens and joys, but she doesn't share his anointing and the anointing is what destroys the yoke.

Isa 10:27    And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing.

[Cindy]

Praying for you and your family, DB.

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by Sister Alvear

praying for you...

I covet your prayers Sis. A! Thank you.

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by Cindy

Praying for you and your family, DB.

Many thanks. Didn't get here overnight, won't come out of it overnight. But since last Fall I see daily progress. Oftentimes incremental, but progress nonetheless. Just had a nice, personal conversation with the wifey. I see and hear her heart to be close to me regardless. We're going to make it with the help of the Lord, patience and lots of prayer. Its been a long hard road but Jesus has taught me a lot about Him, about me and about her in the process. Wouldnt want to relive it, but I'm thankful for the many lessons learned!

[seekerman]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

I DON'T WANT TO BE A PREACHER

That's what I told God. I was 26 years old, I'd been a preacher for five years. I had been a youth pastor for four years and then I went to Atlanta to assist my brother-in-law. It had been a year since I moved from OH to GA. It was a tough year. It had been a grueling year. I had gone through some of the biggest challenges of my life. I felt trapped and directionless. I wanted out. I didn't want to be a preacher anymore.

And so at a youth camp where I was a counselor, at the end of a service, after praying with various young people, I drifted over to a corner and had a conversation with God. "I love you, I appreciate all you've done for me, I will still serve you all the days of my life. But I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want be a preacher. I'll be a good church member. I'll teach Sunday School. I'll be a blessing to a pastor. But this being a minister as a career? I'm done."

I gave God my resignation. I wasn't cut out for the job. I gave it a good try. I wanted out.

I had finished my prayer. I was about to get up off of my knees. But before I could stand up there was a tap on my shoulder. It was the huge, affable, redneck, country bumpkin preacher I had met earlier in the week. He was deferential. "Hey, uh, Brother Mark, uh, I don't usually do this kind of thing but I was praying over on the other side of the building and I looked over and saw you. And when I did I felt like God told me to come over here and tell you that you're supposed to be a preacher."

Well, that ended my grand exit. It was a pretty convincing "I hear what you're saying, but I'm not accepting your resignation" from God. It was a pivotal moment for me.

I have retreated in my mind many times to that day in my life. There have been frustrating times in my career where the idea of walking away from being a pastor was a pleasant thought. But then I'm reminded of that message loud and clear, "you're supposed to be a preacher."

And really I don't know why. There are a lot, A LOT of guys more talented, more disciplined, more together, better leaders, better speakers, better managers than me. I don't know why I'm supposed to be a preacher. I see guys who love ministry, love being a preacher, pastor, leader. They swim in it. They relish it. They can't get enough of it. Not me.

Don't get me wrong. I love people. I love helping folks and serving folks. I love teaching something or preaching something that connects with those in the audience, something useful, encouraging, inspirational or transforming. I love the relationships I have with those I lead. I love speaking at weddings because of all of the unbelievers there. I love eulogies at funerals for the same reason. I love the Gospel and how it changes lives. I love personal Bible studies and small groups. There's a lot I love about my job and my calling.

But I'm tired. I'm weary. My family has paid a price because of the neglect they've suffered at my hands. Mostly my wife. I've been there everyone but her many times. She tried to tell me, to communicate it to me, but I didn't get it. Now she's distant and unresponsive. She checked out a few years back...

I'm weary of petty church folks who have their agendas, their axes to grind, their silly criticisms for silly reasons, their hurt feelings for one thing or another. I'm tired of folks that are always wanting to be served but are rarely willing to serve. Always expecting to receive and rarely willing to give. I'm fed up with leaders in the church that see their positions as opportunities to self promote and grandstand and show off and perform. But when you ask for a little consistency or commitment from them they bristle because their lives are so hectic.

I pastor a lot of wonderful Christian folks. A precious 93-year-old lady who never forgets my wife or children on their birthdays. There's always a card with money, kind words and sometimes pear preserves or a pie...

There's the woman whose life was ripped way from her when her husband died. Her daughters won't have anything to do with her because of the horrible life they lived with her long before she was a believer. The men in her life abused her and her girls. They were both victims. They were sinners. It was horrific. But Jesus wasn't in the picture. Later she met Bruce, a prince of a man. The only man who really loved her and they had 20 beautiful years together. Five years before Bruce died she became a believer. Bruce followed six months before pulmonary fibrosis killed him. She's alone but she treat me like a son. She adores me and my family.

There's the family that recently joined the church. The wife came first. Lifelong Catholic, she was drinking a lot, thinking about divorcing her chronically depressed out of work husband. She started having Bible studies with a member of our church. Then she started to attend services and other activities. One day last August she repented of her sins to Jesus and made Him her Lord and she testified later that her life began to change from that very day. Her husband and sons started to attend. They rarely miss a service.

There's the couple that almost divorced last year and with of prayer and counsel and patience God helped them hold it together and theybare doing better now than ever.

There's the family that gives and gives and gives and never complains. In fact our church is filled with families and couples and individuals that are like that. Really our church is filled with wonderful, kind, thoughtful, faithful followers of Christ.

And they help keep me going. I feel a sense of duty, an obligation, a debt I owe these quiet and consistent members of the church I pastor.

And then there are the people in the community. The woman who needed two nights out of the cold in a local Red Roof Inn. We gave her food from our food pantry, bought her two-year-old little girl some diapers. The man we allowed to live in our church for a year until he could better his circumstances. The barista whose husband was in the hospital for three weeks and almost died. He was on our prayer list, we visited him in the hospital. He's making a recovery. There's dozens of others I would miss if I left this place.

My kids are great. My son is in the Air Force, he got engaged to get married over Christmas and will get married this year. My daughter is in middle school and brought home a fairly good report card today. She's happy go lucky and loves life. My baby boy is in second grade and is a walking comedian. He has us laughing all the time.

I find myself cruising the Internet for career change ideas. Maybe go back to school, get another degree. A guy in our church with a GED decided to become a bond broker and within three years was pulling down $125,000 a year. It's a tempting thought...

I still don't want to be a preacher. But I know I'm supposed to do this. Just every once in a while I feel a little burned out. And then I go through this same thought process. And I am reminded of that night at the GA youth camp.

Ultimately I just want to follow Christ. I want to do His will. I daily pray for my wife. God has given me peace that she will come out of the place she's in. Sometimes I see glimpses of hope in her. It will take time. I've changed. I'm changing. I believe eventually I will change to such a degree that she will see the change and she will change as a result. I just want to see her happy and joyful again. It's coming. It'll happen in time.

Even then I'm sure I still won't want to be a preacher.

You've spoken the heart of so many ministerial friends I know. Ministry has brought both joy and sorrow to their lives and most believe things would have been better had they been 'normal' and not called of God into a special work in His kingdom. I was one of those.

You're called, chosen, predestined for ministry. You know it and others know it and you're miserable doing it and miserable not doing it....so what to do. The issue is this. You're attempting to operate in the gifting and calling of God in a religious system which has little to do with the pattern of the New Testament church. I'm sure some here will think this just another one of my rants on the 'romanist' system of religion which permeates Christianity, but it still needs to be said again. The pastoral/pulpit/micromanagement man-centric, building-centric religious system isn't of God. It's of man.

Look at your surroundings, look at your ministry, look at what you do within the religious system of which you're a part. Now take your bible and honestly compare that to the New Testament church. You will find that the vast majority of what you're doing, how you're operating, your problems and issues have nothing to do with the Church of the New Covenant but instead is almost totally driven by the 'church', i.e., the romanist system of religious order.

I was once as burned out as you, knowing a calling and a ministry, knowing the joy of helping and ministring to folks, but the romanist system was taking the joy of the Lord out of me and my wife. Thankfully, my wife and I were in complete agreement in coming out of this system. We decided that we weren't going to follow the romanist system anymore but will instead simply minister. No trappings of religion, just being part of the Church, not part of a man-centric, building-centric 'church'. I've never been happier, brother. It's absolutely wonderful.

Look at the New Testament church and look around you. Big big big difference isn't it? There's the source of your problems.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Cindy

Maybe this should be a lesson for saints. Are there needy saints? I mean, saints that go to the Pastor for EVERYTHING. And also Asst. Pastors, etc to help out the Pastor.

Yes, you hit one of the nails on the head Cindy. Sometimes saints just need to get down and pray for their own needs from the Lord. Why bother the Pastor with things you can do for yourself? What's wrong with asking a prayed up saint to help you pray?

In my time working in the medical field, I found there are patients that call the doctor's office literally every day. There are many things a doctor just cannot fix. You got to study out how to take care of yourself in addition to the medical care.

Same thing with one's spiritual life. People must learn to gain that connection with God without having to go through the Pastor for every dot and tittle in their lives.