You found your spouse looking at porn..again...

[crakjak]

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

It can be partially true that a woman can help by being 'ravishing'.... that is often part of the problem - a lack of sizzle between husband and wife. BUT, it's also not fair to place that burden on a woman's shoulders. A lot of men struggle with porn and it has NOTHING to do with any lack on their wife's part.

I think Crakjack said it well in one of his posts above..... "Usually there is baggage on both sides to make it difficult, this does not make the other spouse responsible". Personal responsibility is always vital, no matter what provocation there is, if any.

Agreed.

[crakjak]

Originally Posted by ILG

I like what you say here AQP. It is very hard for a woman to be ravishing when her husband is looking at porn! In a way, this seems like saying if a woman just gives her husband what he wants in the bedroom, he won't do such a thing. I think it goes way deeper than that. That may not be what was meant but it can make a woman feel more like a nursemaid in the bedroom than a lover.

Agreed, and well put. Yet, as scripture puts it, marriage partners are not to defraud one another, to cause one to sin. We are to complete each other, it is not either are, it is both. Most men find it difficult to fulfill all the emotive needs of the wife, most ladies find it difficult to fulfill all the physical needs of her husband. Herein, lies the challegene, life makes it harder for each to fulfill the other's needs, but increases the need for ones own needs to be met. It can be hard not to be selfish, such is the nature of fallen humanity.

The above is a very general statment because of course ladies have physicall needs and men have emotive needs.
Wisdom and understanding is desperately needed for all.

[staysharp]

Originally Posted by Edward Anglin

Get rid of the computer.

Seriously.

Replace it with prayer, Bible reading and smokin' hot smooches.

This isn't going to do anything. Porns been around since cavemen could draw on rocks. He'll just find another venue. The real issue should be dealt with. A good Christian counselor can lead him through forgiveness and repentance and give him the resources to heal. There is a wonderful series "every mans battle" that can really help him. Furthermore, u can pray till your eyeballs pop out, but until he is rooted and grounded in love and understands forgiveness, he will continue to struggle. Men are evolutionally hard wired for sex. That's Gods way if keeping the human race propetuated. We just need to understand Gods boundaries and fall in love with Christ.

[Michael The Disciple]

I understand that people are tempted to fantasize or to look at porn. To God its sin. Its something we must overcome.

How to overcome the sin of porn according to the Bible:

3: For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds
5: Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Cor. 10:3-5

While we can show compassion for someone in sin we should at the same time warn that they shall not enter the kingdom if they do not overcome.

If indeed they cannot overcome they should not be made to feel secure with Christ.

22: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23: Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24: And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. Gal. 5:22-24

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Edward Anglin

Get rid of the computer.

Seriously.

Replace it with prayer, Bible reading and smokin' hot smooches.

It isn't as simple as that. I have a relative who submitted himself to a counselor. It's a very intensive process. He first of all had to answer questions while strapped to a lie detector. He agreed to do it.

His first exercise was to write down everything throughout the day that got his attention in such a way. They go on from there. I don't know any other details.

This counselor used to be a Dentist and had affair after affair after affair - until he was caught. Lawsuits, jail time, etc. His wife felt that God told her to stick by his side and He would bring them out. He was in jail for 10 years.

They now counsel couples. I am amazed at what God can do!!

[Dordrecht]

Furthermore, u can pray till your eyeballs pop out..

Jesus is still in the healing business. You are putting a limit on what Christ can do.

... but until he is rooted and grounded in love and understands forgiveness, he will continue to struggle.

The Jesus I know still brings love, forgiveness and understanding.
That only comes through prayer and bringing these problems to the Lord

Everything else will fail. Only Christ is the answer through prayer.

[*AQuietPlace*]

Originally Posted by tstew

That's my point. Lust in and of itself can be a sin. The sin of fornication is seperate to me. Once again I say that lust is to fornication what covetousness is to theft. That's just my opinion. Fornication in the sense that we understand it is a very exact sin. I don't believe that one who has seen pornograph, while doing wrong, is no longer a virgin.

I agree with that.

[staysharp]

Originally Posted by Dordrecht

Jesus is still in the healing business. You are putting a limit on what Christ can do.



The Jesus I know still brings love, forgiveness and understanding.
That only comes through prayer and bringing these problems to the Lord

Everything else will fail. Only Christ is the answer through prayer.

So what you are saying is that God teaches us in prayer? This is the problem with typical OP culture. "Just go down to the alter and pray through"...The bible never tells us that we will get "what we need" in prayer.

The church has been given a five fold ministry for the maturing of the saints. Pastors, TEACHERS, etc. Faith comes by hearing...

Prayer is our communicative dialogue with God. It is vital and essential, however wisdom, understanding and faith comes through proper teaching. This is sorely lacking in the churches.

[Aquila]

Above it was asked, what kind of sin is pornography if not fornication? I think it might be a form of covetousness,

Exodus 20:17
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

Personally, I'd never put the use of pornography up next to actual fornication or adultery.

[Its All GODs]

Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

This sin is to be traced and condemned in its origin, a lack of chastity of mind and soul.

Jesus legislates against the thought which lies behind the act. He cuts off sin at its lowest root. The essence of all vice is intention. Those who indulge in unchaste imaginations, desires and intentions are guilty before God
(2Peter 2:14 Having eyes full of adultery, and that cannot cease from sin; beguiling unstable souls: an heart they have exercised with covetous practices; cursed children.

James 1:15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

1John 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

Proverbs 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?


Adultery, lust extends not only to unchaste actions and words, but even to looks and the very thoughts of the heart; for whosoever shall gaze on a woman to lust after her, and thus cherish and indulge the secret workings of irregular desire in his mind, has already committed that adultery with her in his heart which this commandment was designed to forbid, and thereby rendered himself; in the sight of God, guilty of the breach of it. – Phillip Doddridge

You shall not carnally lie with a woman that is not your wife; but there is a great deal more in it than so, for he that but secretly in his heart desireth such a thing, or taketh pleasure in such thoughts, and casts his eyes upon a woman in order to such a thing, is in the sight of God an adulterer. Hence we read of eyes full of adultery, to avoid which Job made a covenant with his eyes, Job 31:1, and would not suffer his heart to walk after his eyes, Job 31:7. We must so interpret the commandments of God, as not to extend them only to forbid or command those acts which are plainly mentioned in them, but the inward pleasing of our hearts with such things as are forbidden, the desires of our hearts after them, or whatsoever is a probable means to give us that sinful pleasure of our thoughts, or further inflame such unlawful desires in our souls. - Matthew Poole