How close should a pastor get to the members? - Page 4

Coffee99 · #31 12-11-2008, 11:13 AM

Perhaps I've seen too much and maybe I'm too "old school" when it comes to this. But, I don't believe a pastor OR HIS WIFE can be too chummy with saints. From observations over the years, it appears that the problems often come because the pastor's wife is too buddy buddy with a few women or the pastor is always going places with a couple of the men who are his good friends. Others start feeling resentment when it appears that the only ones used are those who are the close friends. Now, often, there is nothing inappropriate and there is not favoritism, but perception is powerful.

Pastors would do well to study how c-level management approach those who work for them. I think pastors and wives should be warm and friendly to everyone in the congregation. I think there is nothing wrong with going to different church members homes for a meal. Pastors should never eat in a separate area at dinners and should never give off the air of "I'm better". Pastors should be involved in activities that are church activities. Play basketball, go fishing with the group, enjoy and help prepare the taco dinner, etc. There is nothing wrong with interacting frequently and closely with the congregation. There is nothing wrong with calling the Pastor "Pastor Jim Bob or Joe".

But, there does need to be a bit of space - for the pastor's protection. I grew up in a pastor's home. But, I did not marry a pastor. I don't feel comfortable having the pastor as my "best buddy" nor would I be comfortable under a pastor who wants to be "best buddy" to certain church members. I want him to care and love us all, be a respected part of our lives, and know that he is someone I can talk to in confidence and not worry that he or his wife will accidently let something slip when they are hanging with my fellow church member who happens to be a good buddy.

scotty · #32 12-11-2008, 11:18 AM

They should be like family. Of course our pastor has been in our church since he was born. His father built the church, so most in the church either grew up with the pastor or helped raise him. Our whole congregation is very close. Thats the way it should be.

RandyWayne · #33 12-11-2008, 11:19 AM

And to think I always wondered growing up why it is was expected for a young man to go to bible college and become a minister and for a young lady to marry said minister..... It was about esteem, power, and "position".

But to the degree of having a roped off dining area? I haven't seen quite that extreme but have no doubt it exists in more conservative districts.

He's My Friend · #34 12-11-2008, 11:34 AM

I respect the pastor.

I want a pastor to be friendly, kind, and outgoing....but I also think all church members should be the same.

My ideal situation concerning a pastor and his family is for them to know we are there for them.
I want the pastor to know that we pray for them, support them, that we are their friends, and will try to do everything we can to help.

I do not want a lot of mingling with my pastor or his family.
I am willing to go to lunch (at times) on Sunday with them. I do not require a seat with them, nor do I wish to be entertained by them.
I do not wish to go every Sunday for lunch with them.

Here's my reasons, and remember everyone is different.

If I am in need of something, I want the pastor to know from God, not through association.
I do not wish to be so familiar with the pastor or his family, that I will lose respect for them.

I really like to keep a healthy distance.

RandyWayne · #35 12-11-2008, 11:36 AM

By the way, I do stand on the side that says the pastor should not (or best that he isn't) "best buds" with church members........ Otherwise you face the same social dynamics that you see in an office where a manager is best friends with co-workers or worse, promoted over friends.

Coffee99 · #36 12-11-2008, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

By the way, I do stand on the side that says the pastor should not (or best that he isn't) "best buds" with church members........ Otherwise you face the same social dynamics that you see in an office where a manager is best friends with co-workers or worse, promoted over friends.

You are correct --- and that never works out well.

Ron · #37 12-11-2008, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blubayou

There was a roped off seperate area for the ministers to eat together. I was taken aback that they would be seperated from the saints.

I do not agree with that.

Pressing-On · #38 12-11-2008, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

By the way, I do stand on the side that says the pastor should not (or best that he isn't) "best buds" with church members........ Otherwise you face the same social dynamics that you see in an office where a manager is best friends with co-workers or worse, promoted over friends.

I agree with this, Randy.

LadyCoonskinner · #39 12-11-2008, 12:06 PM

It's hard to "reprove, rebuke, and exhort" your buddy.

You can be a friend, but there is a certain line that must be maintained if you aregoing to be an effective leader.

mizpeh · #40 12-11-2008, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam

did they eat the same food as the rest of the people?
were they served and the rest of the people served themselves cafetria style?
did the ministers get china and silver but the others got paper and plastic?

Isn't it enough to know that saints and the saints who minister the word were segregated instead of intermingled in order to make you wonder?