More Yucks

[OilCityCajun]

Originally Posted by n david

Oh c'mon Timmy! Have you no sense of humor?! I mean, if Christians don't smile, we're criticised and if we do it's the same.... we can't win.

God definitely had a sense of humor ... He created Unregistered!

and this before I've even posted my pic!

Originally Posted by notofworks

...It's exasperating to imagine a Christian Culture that thinks it's funny to laugh AT Tiger rather than intercede for his soul. Shame on you who think any of this is funny.

[OilCityCajun]

Originally Posted by notofworks

Whatever you feel you should do, that's fine. I'm disagreeing with the jokes that are posted. When they're as disgusting and tasteless as these, I'll continue to do that.

I'm afraid he has a point. At the time that the scandal was the lead in every news story, I did indeed pray for both of them, and yet I too found those jokes slightly humorous.

Maybe that's proof that God isnt done with me yet, but we're working together in the right direction.

Originally Posted by ManOfWord

...What's horrible is what these leaders have done. Many people will be crushed because of their indiscretions. Leaders like David who still had to pay the price for their sin and it cost everyone. There are some things which leaders should not be failing and falling into. Minor struggles, people can deal with. Major moral failings are unacceptable...

You too have a valid point. but I would hope that anyone making jokes about Uriah's murder, Tamar's rape, Absolom's demise, or any other situation connected to your analogy would in the very least be promptly informed in the very least by private message from some admin that such jokes are equally unacceptable.

Originally Posted by notofworks

...I'm bewildered, though, why sincere, biblical, and thoughtful dialogue can't take place about this...

Off topic?

[RandyWayne]

"Why do people say they want to sleep like a baby when babies never sleep thru the night? I wanna sleep like an old man in a Southern Baptist Church on Sunday!"

[Sam]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

"Why do people say they want to sleep like a baby when babies never sleep thru the night? I wanna sleep like an old man in a Southern Baptist Church on Sunday!"

Someone said,
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did..
.
.
.
.
not yelling and screaming like the passengers did in the car he was driving."

[Sam]

The Blame Game


If a man cuts his finger off while..
Slicing salami at work,..
he..blames the restaurant...

If you smoke three packs a day..
For..40 years and die of lung cancer,..
your..family blames the..
Tobacco..company...

If your neighbor crashes..
Into..a tree while driving home drunk,..
He..blames the bartender...

If your grandchildren are..
Brats without manners,..
You..blame television...

We have a President
blames a former President
for any and all problems
in our country.

If your friend is shot by a..
Deranged madman,..
You..blame the gun manufacturer....

And if a crazed person breaks..
Into..the cockpit and..
Tries..to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,..
And..the passengers..
Kill..him instead,..
The..mother of the crazed deceased..
Blames..the airline...

I must have lived too long to..
Understand..the world..
As..it is anymore...

So, if I die while my..old wrinkled butt..
is parked..in front of this computer,..
I want all of you to....
Blame Bill Gates.

[Sam]

New Super Market

A new Supermarket opened near here. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
..
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of freshly cut hay.
..
..In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats.
..
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of ..bacon and eggs frying.
..
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
..
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.......

[Sam]

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting' me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me. I'm collecting disability."

[Sam]

WARNING

BEWARE OF TERRORIST GROUPS INFILTRATING CHURCHES.



Latest news reports are that five terrorist cell groups have infiltrated and have been operating in many of our churches. They have been identified as: Bin Sleepin, Bin Arguin, Bin Fightin, Bin Complainin, and Bin Missin.

Their leader, Lucifer Bin Workin, trained these groups to destroy the Body of Christ. The plan is to come into the church disguised as Christians and to work within the church to discourage, disrupt, and destroy.

However, there have been reports of a sixth group. A tiny cell known by the name Bin Prayin is actually the only effective counter terrorism force in the church. Unlike other terrorist cells, the Bin Prayin team does not blend in with whoever and whatever comes along.

Bin Prayin does whatever is needed to uplift and encourage the Body of Christ. We have noticed that the Bin Prayin cell group has different characteristics than the others. They have Bin Watchin, Bin Waitin, Bin Fastin, and Bin Longin for their Master, Jesus Christ to return.

NO CHURCH IS EXEMPT!
(However, you can spot them if you bin lookin and bin goin.)

[Sam]

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND:..

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger... When you notice this, try not to yell at them... Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Jim... Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Terri... When I retired a few..years ago, it became necessary for Terri to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed... Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age... I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner... I don't yell at her... Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table... I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable... I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner... I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves... I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining... I.. think.......For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour... But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement... I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three..days... That way she won't have to rush so much... I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any -- if you know what I mean... I like to think tact is one of my..strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods... She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard... I try not to make a scene... I'm a fair man... I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while... And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Terri... I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy... Many men will find it difficult... Some will find it impossible!.. Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older... However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will.. consider that writing it was well worthwhile... After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,..
Jim......
.................................................. ................

EDITOR'S NOTE:..
Jim died suddenly on February 7 of a..perforated rectum... The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby... His wife, Terri, was arrested and charged with murder... The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

[Sam]

I received this email today from a pastor of an independent Apostolic/Pentecostal Church:

New American Symbol

The Skunk a.k.a. the Polecat

The skunk has replaced the eagle as the symbol of America's presidency.
It is half black and half white and everything it does stinks.