Little Johnny understands the program and will do well as a capitalist.
HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES
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The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
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Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
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"Very good," said the teacher.
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Little Jenny was next:
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"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
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"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..
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Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.
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The teacher held her breath ...
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Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.
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"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
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"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
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"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
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"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
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They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like doggy doo doo!"
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Then I would say,"It is doggy doo doo...Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
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"I used the governmental approach of giving you some doo doo for free, and then making you pay to get that taste out of your mouth."
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.
The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair...and there's even strong
evidence that Jesus had long hair.'
You're going to love the Dad's reply:
---- his father replied, 'Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.
It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car.Suddenly the car skids outof control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree...
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house.
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He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes.
A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty...We've been in a terrible accident, and..my wife has been seriously hurt...Can I please..use your phone?"..
"I'm sorry,"..replied the hunchback, "but we don't have..a phone...My master..is a..doctor;come in and I will get him!"..Bob brings his wife in...
An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant..may have misled you.
I am not a medical doctor; I..am a scientist.However, it is many miles..to the nearest clinic,..and I have had a basic medical training...I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."..
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table...
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried...“Things are serious,..Igor. "Prepare a..transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more...
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always..found solace...He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house...
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat!.. He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!..
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:..
"Master,..Master!....... The Hills are alive..with the..sound of music!"..
..
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.
It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car.Suddenly the car skids outof control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree...
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house.
..
He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes.
A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty...We've been in a terrible accident, and..my wife has been seriously hurt...Can I please..use your phone?"..
"I'm sorry,"..replied the hunchback, "but we don't have..a phone...My master..is a..doctor;come in and I will get him!"..Bob brings his wife in...
An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant..may have misled you.
I am not a medical doctor; I..am a scientist.However, it is many miles..to the nearest clinic,..and I have had a basic medical training...I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."..
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table...
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried...“Things are serious,..Igor. "Prepare a..transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more...
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always..found solace...He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house...
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat!.. He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!..
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:..
"Master,..Master!....... The Hills are alive..with the..sound of music!"..
..
If you're from a UPC background this video will mean more to you than to others. This is good for several yuck, yucks! Even includes a Lee Stoneking imitation!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4wAlCBcACU
Been Thinkin
__________________
"From the time you're born, 'til you ride in the hearse, there ain't nothing bad that couldn't be worse!"
LIFE: Some days you're the dog and some days you're the hydrant!
I have ... Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia! The fear of long words.
"Prediction is very hard, especially about the future." - Yogi Berra
"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave in reflection." - Thomas Paine
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
Pn Texas, there is a town called New Braunfels where there is a large German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man
using his right hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm!
Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." Which
means: "Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have defecated in
it."
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please
speak in English."
The rancher replied: "Use both hands. You'll get more."
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