I Love the UPCI

[ILG]

Red Paragraph: This is EXACTLY what I've been talking about but so far, you're just not hearing me. You're opposed to it. As a faithful, attending, tithe-paying, enthusiastic support of your local assembly, you are allowed to oppose it. But I wasn't!!! THIS is the side of the UPC that many of us have been crying out about and this is the systematic problem of which I speak. You see, after spending a lifetime in the fellowship, I also was opposed to the Affirmation Statement. You know what it got me??? Lifetime banishment!! As a result of that I and my family LOST EVERYTHING!!!! I even ended up homeless and had to find various people to live with. For you, it's a moral objection. For me??? It was life. And it was the result of a systematic dogma that was WAY out of bounds! Again, you get to stick your head in the sand, occasionally voice your concerns. Me? I also voiced my concerns by not signing something I morally, ethically, and spiritually couldn't sign. And it cost me everything I had.

Mr. Smith,

I'm sorry you went through so much. I can relate. But! You still have your family, your most precious thing.....and I have mine. I gave my whole adult life to the UPC from the time I was 19 to the time I was 38. We gave everything we had to it and poured money into every church we were at. Finally, we decided we needed to make some money pastoring so we went to an "established" work, only to be accused of taking money that was not there when we got there. When we told the district board of all the missing records etc. (AS SOON AS WE ARRIVED WE TOLD THEM) it was we were held at arms length. You see, the previous pastor and his wife were big shots and nobody wanted to hear what we had to say. I don't know why they didn't even just look at what we had. But they didn't even want to SEE it. They just wanted status quo.....go on as normal.

So, after our reputation and our health from stress was completely trashed, we finally left everything we had worked 19 years for. It was VERY hard. The first couple of years were a blur and then my husband got cancer and that too was a blur. It takes time to heal, for sure.

I posted out here quite a bit while I was in a great deal of pain. It helped in some small ways, but mostly, I had to walk away and heal alone, because everytime I posted out here about any pain, any sorrow, any trouble, I got lambasted and told things like I needed to stop whining etc. It's the equivalent of "Let them eat cake" which means "I don't have a clue what you are talking about".

And if they don't have a clue, great! But, the most defensive probably do have a clue, they are defending against something.

You will heal in time.....and you have your most precious thing....your family.

The UPC stole a lot from you and from me. But, in the future they will not steal anymore. Take calculated risks and only post what you are ready to defend. Then, walk away and enjoy the sunshine in the freedom you have. You will never again have to take it like that again.

[Mr. Smith]

Originally Posted by ILG

Mr. Smith,

I'm sorry you went through so much. I can relate. But! You still have your family, your most precious thing.....and I have mine. I gave my whole adult life to the UPC from the time I was 19 to the time I was 38. We gave everything we had to it and poured money into every church we were at. Finally, we decided we needed to make some money pastoring so we went to an "established" work, only to be accused of taking money that was not there when we got there. When we told the district board of all the missing records etc. (AS SOON AS WE ARRIVED WE TOLD THEM) it was we were held at arms length. You see, the previous pastor and his wife were big shots and nobody wanted to hear what we had to say. I don't know why they didn't even just look at what we had. But they didn't even want to SEE it. They just wanted status quo.....go on as normal.

So, after our reputation and our health from stress was completely trashed, we finally left everything we had worked 19 years for. It was VERY hard. The first couple of years were a blur and then my husband got cancer and that too was a blur. It takes time to heal, for sure.

I posted out here quite a bit while I was in a great deal of pain. It helped in some small ways, but mostly, I had to walk away and heal alone, because everytime I posted out here about any pain, any sorrow, any trouble, I got lambasted and told things like I needed to stop whining etc. It's the equivalent of "Let them eat cake" which means "I don't have a clue what you are talking about".

And if they don't have a clue, great! But, the most defensive probably do have a clue, they are defending against something.

You will heal in time.....and you have your most precious thing....your family.

The UPC stole a lot from you and from me. But, in the future they will not steal anymore. Take calculated risks and only post what you are ready to defend. Then, walk away and enjoy the sunshine in the freedom you have. You will never again have to take it like that again.

Hello ILG. Your story is a familiar one, one which takes place frequently. I think this is what I've been saying is the systematic problem. Heck, if it were all up to the good, faithful people of the UPC, I don't think there'd be much of a problem. I maintain there is s dysfunction, a deep one, within the system and it's been passed from generation to generation. From a distance, I really thought the most recent occupant of the highest office would bring a change to that tenor. I think it may actually have gotten worse. I've concluded, again from a distance, that it won't change.

But I'm MANY years past all this. Healing happened long ago and to be honest, I'm not even sure there was "healing" needed. As painful as some of the symptoms were (no one likes being broke), it was actually a monumental relief. It felt as if I could finally breathe and the pressure to satisfy people before God is long gone. After the initial shock of it all, I think within days it was the greatest feeling in the world. Sure, the social circle was chaotic for a while (yes Ferd, if one leaves he/she is CUT OFF) but that didn't take long to change. Fortunately, I was never one to only hang out with "preacher-friends" so making new friends was not a big deal, even though it seemed impossible for a while.

But the bottom line is this: I'm not bitter, I'm grateful; not angry, I'm joyful beyond belief; not hurt or wounded, I'm healed beyond measure. I'm fully aware that any time I, or others, speak out or point out certain issues, I/we will be viewed as "Bitter" or whatever. It's not the case. I'm over it, but I will not suddenly ignore the facts. There still needs to be a voice that says, "This is wrong!" I'll say it and take whatever heat comes my way.

I, too, am sorry for your journey. None of these things should happen in the name of Christ. But it does. But the mission of the cross of Christ is greater than any dysfunctional system (and I've learned the UPC does NOT have a monopoly on dysfunction) and the gospel will prevail!

[aegsm76]

"About a year ago there was a pastor who told his congregation he'd like to be able to grow a beard. The district destroyed him. Literally. "

There was a lot more too this story, than this. I don't think it does anyone a service to use this as a reference point.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Mr. Smith

Hello ILG. Your story is a familiar one, one which takes place frequently. I think this is what I've been saying is the systematic problem. Heck, if it were all up to the good, faithful people of the UPC, I don't think there'd be much of a problem. I maintain there is s dysfunction, a deep one, within the system and it's been passed from generation to generation. From a distance, I really thought the most recent occupant of the highest office would bring a change to that tenor. I think it may actually have gotten worse. I've concluded, again from a distance, that it won't change.
l!

I definately believe it is a systematic problem and that is why I left. I also believe all systems have problems. It's not the problems that is the issue. It is the denial of the problems that is the issue.

[Sam]

Originally Posted by ILG

No. I didn't post it. Must've been someone else. I do remember Renda posting some huge panties for, I think her daughter's wedding?

we had a picture on this forum of ladies underwear?

I hope it wasn't bifurcated!

[Mr. Smith]

Originally Posted by aegsm76

"About a year ago there was a pastor who told his congregation he'd like to be able to grow a beard. The district destroyed him. Literally. "

There was a lot more too this story, than this. I don't think it does anyone a service to use this as a reference point.

Of course there's more but the last two sentences stand as they are.

[Praxeas]

Mr Smith's story is one reason I am glad a lot of UC's left and the Western District split in 2

[Mr. Smith]

Originally Posted by Praxeas

Mr Smith's story is one reason I am glad a lot of UC's left and the Western District split in 2

I never said I was from the Western District.

But what difference has the districts split made and how would it apply to my story?

[Praxeas]

Originally Posted by Mr. Smith

I never said I was from the Western District.

But what difference has the districts split made and how would it apply to my story?

I didn't say you were. I am or was in the WD. In splitting we left most of the UCs up north

[NotforSale]

Originally Posted by ILG

Mr. Smith,

I'm sorry you went through so much. I can relate. But! You still have your family, your most precious thing.....and I have mine. I gave my whole adult life to the UPC from the time I was 19 to the time I was 38. We gave everything we had to it and poured money into every church we were at. Finally, we decided we needed to make some money pastoring so we went to an "established" work, only to be accused of taking money that was not there when we got there. When we told the district board of all the missing records etc. (AS SOON AS WE ARRIVED WE TOLD THEM) it was we were held at arms length. You see, the previous pastor and his wife were big shots and nobody wanted to hear what we had to say. I don't know why they didn't even just look at what we had. But they didn't even want to SEE it. They just wanted status quo.....go on as normal.

So, after our reputation and our health from stress was completely trashed, we finally left everything we had worked 19 years for. It was VERY hard. The first couple of years were a blur and then my husband got cancer and that too was a blur. It takes time to heal, for sure.

I posted out here quite a bit while I was in a great deal of pain. It helped in some small ways, but mostly, I had to walk away and heal alone, because everytime I posted out here about any pain, any sorrow, any trouble, I got lambasted and told things like I needed to stop whining etc. It's the equivalent of "Let them eat cake" which means "I don't have a clue what you are talking about".

And if they don't have a clue, great! But, the most defensive probably do have a clue, they are defending against something.

You will heal in time.....and you have your most precious thing....your family.

The UPC stole a lot from you and from me. But, in the future they will not steal anymore. Take calculated risks and only post what you are ready to defend. Then, walk away and enjoy the sunshine in the freedom you have. You will never again have to take it like that again.

ILG, your transparency on this Forum is such a blessing. Those of us, who step out on that limb, take chances.

People try to blend everyone into one pot, saying we all suffer in basically the same way. This is so untrue. I honestly believe that most people within the UPC, and may I reiterate, most, not all, have no idea what goes on in the political realm of our "Religion". This keeps people ignorant and unlearned to the Truth. There are studies that claim the Ministry as the most stressful occupation in this Nation, but people sitting on the pew don't know or understand this.

One time a good friend of mine was stunned when I told him what my wife and I had been through. He said, "I thought the Ministry would be such a peaceful job." I about fell out of my chair. I realized that the mainstay of Church folks have a galvanized view of those who sit on platforms. In fact, this has caused me to be very candid to our Church of who I am and how I suffer. I have made it an absolute conviction to remind the people I am human, and to stop thinking otherwise.

Another big problem is, when a Minister "Falls", or "Backslides", congregations are led to believe things that are smothered with saving the FACE of the UPCI. I have never once heard the UPCI admit error in judgment when dealing with falling brethren. They just kick them while they are down and label them as Heretics, just like the Catholic Church has done throughout the Centuries. It's the only way to keep the "Sheep" calm. If error is admitted, the bottom would fall out, and those in power know this.

We claim we love people, but when Ministers or congregants go through a dark time in their life, the Witch Hunt begins and the innocent are sent to the gallows. Like I've said countless times on this Forum, the UPCI is just another Religion. That's where the buck stops, period. We are no different than any of them. We kill the weak and fail to remember that forgiveness is a far deeper concept with God than what we give Him credit for.

The birthing of our Religious downfall starts here: "We have the TRUTH!" When this becomes the forthright dogma of any Faith, and a great following develops, those in control will do anything but admit "We now know". Just like what happened to Galileo.