How close should a pastor get to the members?

[Jermyn Davidson]

Stand offish Pastors are not what I like, but I understand the stand offishness.

Sometimes, some saints can become very needy-- looking to the Pastor to meet needs that God intended for God only to meet.


Sometimes, some saints have ulterior motives as to why they want to get "close". It has to be so tough to be so loving, so open and so on guard-- for your own good as well as theirs-- at the same time.


I don't envy Pastors, I pray for them.

[Praxeas]

Originally Posted by Sherri

I agree with this. I do think it's dangerous to get too close to your saints; there has to be some difference in the level of leadership. We have been burned also by getting too buddy-buddy with some. It just doesn't seem to work. We try to treat everyone as equals, rather than having special friends in the congregation.

Doesn't that happen though in life even when someone is not a Pastor? Maybe just the fact that they were not pastors is a co-incidence. Has any pastor made friends with another pastor and gotten "burned" or betrayed?

[Praxeas]

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

Stand offish Pastors are not what I like, but I understand the stand offishness.

Sometimes, some saints can become very needy-- looking to the Pastor to meet needs that God intended for God only to meet.


Sometimes, some saints have ulterior motives as to why they want to get "close". It has to be so tough to be so loving, so open and so on guard-- for your own good as well as theirs-- at the same time.


I don't envy Pastors, I pray for them.

that is true. Some saints are like giant syringes. Some are constantly confronting the pastor about one thing or another so that the Pastor feels like running away when they see that saint coming. Saints are by no means perfect either

[Amos]

Originally Posted by Praxeas

Doesn't that happen though in life even when someone is not a Pastor? Maybe just the fact that they were not pastors is a co-incidence. Has any pastor made friends with another pastor and gotten "burned" or betrayed?

Of course you can get burned in any friendship.

But when you enter the dynamic of a local church, getting "burned" by being too close to a saint doesn't just effect you; it can have a ripple effect that touches many.

Thus the reason for more caution in that case.

It is a bigger deal than just hrting your feelings. There can be ramifications that will hinder the progress of the part of the Kingdom God has called you to labor it.

If I get burned in a friendship with anyone outside the local church, it is np big deal to the church. I can take my lumps and go on.

Within the congregation, it is a much bigger deal that impacts a lot more people, or has the potential to.

[Rhoni]

I believe that true friendship and healthy boundaries is the key. Pastor's should not betray other member's confidences to even the closest of their friends and even their wives. If they are a true friend the boundaries will be established and their church won't split over a friendship gone sour.

[Pastor Keith]

Originally Posted by Amos

Of course you can get burned in any friendship.

But when you enter the dynamic of a local church, getting "burned" by being too close to a saint doesn't just effect you; it can have a ripple effect that touches many.

Thus the reason for more caution in that case.

It is a bigger deal than just hrting your feelings. There can be ramifications that will hinder the progress of the part of the Kingdom God has called you to labor it.

If I get burned in a friendship with anyone outside the local church, it is np big deal to the church. I can take my lumps and go on.

Within the congregation, it is a much bigger deal that impacts a lot more people, or has the potential to.

That is the truth, because they never keep to themselves, they will take that and spread it around, like a disease.

[mizpeh]

Originally Posted by keith4him

That is the truth, because they never keep to themselves, they will take that and spread it around, like a disease.

Are you saying preachers like to gossip or the saints like to gossip? Are you comparing the saints to the plague?




Here we go again!

[Pastor Keith]

Originally Posted by mizpeh

Are you saying preachers like to gossip or the saints like to gossip? Are you comparing the saints to the plague?




Here we go again!

I was speaking about a local church setting where a friendship with pastor goes bad, maybe my wording wasn't the best, but in some cases depending on the situation and saint, they will often share (a human trait) their let down, grievance, unmet expectation with others.

In a local church setting it can be devastating to a congregation. It has taken our church 6 months to deal with this situation, I wasn't involved until I came on the scene. But even 6 months later there still our issues regarding this thing that still pop up every now and then.

The plague is the bitterness that gets spread around, both preachers and saints need inoculation from it.

[Sherri]

Eddie compares it to Moses ( in fact, he used this in Keith4him's installation service) - Moses was WITH the people, then he had to go BEFORE the people and eventually he had to go ABOVE the people. I don't have all the verses here, but it's a good analogy. Sometimes you just have to separate yourself, especially as your church gets larger and larger.

[Pastor Keith]

Originally Posted by Sherri

Eddie compares it to Moses ( in fact, he used this in Keith4him's installation service) - Moses was WITH the people, then he had to go BEFORE the people and eventually he had to go ABOVE the people. I don't have all the verses here, but it's a good analogy. Sometimes you just have to separate yourself, especially as your church gets larger and larger.

A great message by the way!