Funeral denied

[Real Realism]

I fail to see any circumstance where ministering to hurting people - who are asking for you to minister to them (in this case, the mother, who IS a member of the church) - is something God would tell someone "not" to do.

[Aquila]

When my mom died 6 years ago my pastor at the time not only allowed the funeral to be conducted within the building, but he also allowed me to officiate it. He attended. My wife and I put the entire thing together from start to finish.

My mother was filled with the Holy Ghost and baptized in that church. However, she didn't attend for very long. She had bouts with depression and deep emotional issues as a result of my father's physical/emotional abuse & abandonment... and the death of my brother that followed. She lived a very private and almost isolated life. She couldn't manage being around a lot of people.

Even though she wasn't a "member in good standing" as they say, my pastor graciously allowed use of the church for her funeral. He even spoke for a few moments (per my request). He acknowledged her deep emotional struggles... and her tender Christian spirituality. He believed that God was gracious and merciful to her and expressed it openly.

I don't know why a pastor would deny a funeral service in his building... and I don't entirely agree with denying a funeral service unless the person was of another faith entirely. However, it is within the pastor's rights to do so.

[Real Realism]

I just attended a funeral for my boss' brother who suffered from mental illness. It was a very touching service, and I know how difficult it can be to officiate in a service celebrating a life that exhibited such struggle. It reminded me of an in-law who passed away a few years back, after she, too, had struggled with a lifetime of mental illness. I'm glad you were able to have a service that you feel was respectful and comforting.

Originally Posted by Aquila

However, it is within the pastor's rights to do so.

This phrase always strikes me as amusing and strange. What do we mean by "rights"? We're so American, and we try to bring American/democratic principals into the church, when Christ and Paul were hardly "democratic" in their teachings. Democracy is about "what is best for ME". Christ is about "what is best for OTHERS".

No one is saying the man should be sued. Of course it's within his "rights" to not officiate. It's also within his "rights" to cancel all services during the summer and tell his congregation to take a few months off, while he goes on a Mediterranean cruise. That doesn't mean it's prudent or what Christ is calling him to.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by Real Realism

I just attended a funeral for my boss' brother who suffered from mental illness. It was a very touching service, and I know how difficult it can be to officiate in a service celebrating a life that exhibited such struggle. It reminded me of an in-law who passed away a few years back, after she, too, had struggled with a lifetime of mental illness. I'm glad you were able to have a service that you feel was respectful and comforting.

It was a blessing in our time of loss.

This phrase always strikes me as amusing and strange. What do we mean by "rights"? We're so American, and we try to bring American/democratic principals into the church, when Christ and Paul were hardly "democratic" in their teachings. Democracy is about "what is best for ME". Christ is about "what is best for OTHERS".

No one is saying the man should be sued. Of course it's within his "rights" to not officiate. It's also within his "rights" to cancel all services during the summer and tell his congregation to take a few months off, while he goes on a Mediterranean cruise. That doesn't mean it's prudent or what Christ is calling him to.

Amen. I'd like to see more democratic process within the church. However, as it stands the pastor does have the authority to make such judgment calls. I agree with you... this pastor's choice wasn't prudent and may actually cause deep emotional harm to the parishioner.

[n david]

Originally Posted by Real Realism

I fail to see any circumstance where ministering to hurting people - who are asking for you to minister to them (in this case, the mother, who IS a member of the church) - is something God would tell someone "not" to do.

I guess I missed this part of the story; or rather, the original post didn't say the Pastor said God told him not to do the funeral.

Personally, the Pastor could, and probably should, have done the funeral.

There is one thing to consider. One church I attended previously had bylaws written where the church would not allow either funerals or weddings of non-members. The way the original post is written, makes me think this church might have that kind of bylaw.

[Originalist]

Originally Posted by Sasha

A friend of mine attends a UPC church and did so prior to moving to her current state. When her father, who was Roman Catholic, recently passed away, there was nobody Catholic to perform services, as he didn't attend anything but Latin mass church services. His wife attends an AOG church but the pastor refused to do the service, even though he offered to have the service at his church.

My friend called her former UPC pastor, who lives about 4 hours from where her dad lived and told him the situation. He didn't hesitate to answer the need to perform the service. Him and his wife, who had been very sick and hospitalized almost all summer, both came and were hospitable.

Her mother's pastor, who did attend the funeral service but not the graveside service (which was an additional hour away that the UPC pastor also attended, even though it was further west), wasn't cordial at all. He spoke to her mother but addressed nobody else nor did he ask about any of the other family present.

It's an act of compassion I will never forget, and I'm sure she won't either. Her mother was so honored as well.

Great story. I have witnessed similar acts of compassion by UPCI ministers to total strangers who are not of the Apostolic faith.

[Steve Epley]

Funerals no problems Weddings are a horse of a different color.

[navygoat1998]

"Let the dead bury the dead" - Jesus

[Real Realism]

Originally Posted by n david

I guess I missed this part of the story; or rather, the original post didn't say the Pastor said God told him not to do the funeral.

I wrote that in response to:

Originally Posted by Aquila

I would say it's up to a given pastor and the convictions God has given him for that specific congregation.

[strait shooter]

Originally Posted by allstate1

So if one of your long time members child dies you would also deny funeral??

I would let them use the church....and i would be glad to officiate. However I would be very careful about who else officiated there.
A few years ago a man that had been a longtime Apostolic preacher passed...his wife came and wanted to have the service in our church (they had attended some years before).....however she wanted to have a Trinitarian preacher do the service. I was willing to let them use the church but not open up our pulpit to a trinny. I felt that she was doing dishonor to her late husband and our church.

Funny thing was the Trinitarian preacher did not show....and they ended up asking me to preach it (it had been changed to another church)....I preached on what the late preacher believed...truly enjoyed myself.

I am not hardhearted but there are certain things I don't allow....some of you are willing to let every theological Tom, Dick and Harry do their thing in your building? ....have at it.....but not me.

I actually agree more with Elder Epley....some flexibility in funerals.....very little on weddings.