I Don't Want to be a Preacher

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by not4saken

Lived in a preacher's home. Best friend was my pastor's daughter. Dated a pastor's son for years. You have just painted a true picture of a Pastor's mental war. Let me ask you one question, bro.

If you lose your wife, emotionally/spiritually/physically, would all of your sacrifices for the church be worth it? If you can say "yes", then continue pastoring the way you have been. If the answer is "No", then maybe you need to step back and take a looong look at what you need to change.
God bless you, Pastor. No amount of money in the world could persuade me to do what you folks do everyday.

Thanks. I have changed and I'm changing. Since last summer there's been an attitudinal shift in my faith and mind and spirit. I love my wife now more than ever. I tell her everyday. She has just slipped into a defensive/protective mode b/c she's tired of being let down. Time is on my side. Even though I've been tempted to quit, I'm not a quitter. God has given me a vision for the future that is brighter and better. And each day I see it more. I might be weary right now, but I know in due season there's a reaping coming. I've had drreams I believe from God that give me hope. As I read through the Scriptures, what I see God doing for others, when I pray the good Lord comforts me. Its all a part of my journey and I have great peace. I just need a 2 week cruise or something Lol.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

Thanks. I have changed and I'm changing. Since last summer there's been an attitudinal shift in my faith and mind and spirit. I love my wife now more than ever. I tell her everyday. She has just slipped into a defensive/protective mode b/c she's tired of being let down. Time is on my side. Even though I've been tempted to quit, I'm not a quitter. God has given me a vision for the future that is brighter and better. And each day I see it more. I might be weary right now, but I know in due season there's a reaping coming. I've had drreams I believe from God that give me hope. As I read through the Scriptures, what I see God doing for others, when I pray the good Lord comforts me. Its all a part of my journey and I have great peace. I just need a 2 week cruise or something Lol.

A honeymoon. Not, a cruise!!!! She should not have to share you with anyone.

[AreYouReady?]

Wow! A cruise! That's a great idea!

[AreYouReady?]

Or rent a cabin up in Gatlinburg for 2 weeks and just get up in the morning and point in any direction and go sightseeing.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

Or rent a cabin up in Gatlinburg for 2 weeks and just get up in the morning and point in any direction and go sightseeing.

[not4saken]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

Thanks. I have changed and I'm changing. Since last summer there's been an attitudinal shift in my faith and mind and spirit. I love my wife now more than ever. I tell her everyday. She has just slipped into a defensive/protective mode b/c she's tired of being let down. Time is on my side. Even though I've been tempted to quit, I'm not a quitter. God has given me a vision for the future that is brighter and better. And each day I see it more. I might be weary right now, but I know in due season there's a reaping coming. I've had drreams I believe from God that give me hope. As I read through the Scriptures, what I see God doing for others, when I pray the good Lord comforts me. Its all a part of my journey and I have great peace. I just need a 2 week cruise or something Lol.

I believe that it's possible to do both, Bro. My Pastor of over 30 years, raised two generations of children. His first boy and girl were raised by the pastor that was all in all to his saints- he felt it was what God expected of him. His second set of kids are 20 years younger than the first set. They were raised by a different dad. He had learned, at the point when they were born, that his family deserved a dad and husband- full time. The older set of kids are bitter, and angry about their lives..the younger kids are awesome, giving saints in their home churches...the father regretted his choices for the first 20 years or so of pastoring. He always blamed himself for the bitterness his oldest felt towards the church. He apologized hundreds of times. He lived to be 90+ years of age. He retired from pastoring at 70 sumthin.

Your wife is afraid. She is afraid that her dream life will disappear, and she will lose you to the saints. Walls are built. But, you can tear down those walls, with each kept promise...each date...each afternoon of 'just being with her'...and each Holiday spent with your family, with no interruptions.

You and yours are in my prayers- but, I have to tell ya...I'm not sure God listens to me at this point in my life. That doesn't stop me from talking to him, tho...

Carry on, Bro!! Carry on...

[not4saken]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

Or rent a cabin up in Gatlinburg for 2 weeks and just get up in the morning and point in any direction and go sightseeing.

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by Nitehawk013

I was thinking the same as not4saken.

Nothing at all in life can make up for a broken relationship with ones spouse. And no offense at all menat by this, but honestly...if your own relationship with your wife is damaged and crippled due to Pastoring, then if I were your saint I would wonder just how out of whack your life is. The "pastor" shoud epitomize Godliness and Christlikeness as much as possible. They are the most visible example to the saints. If they see a Pastor who desperately loves God, but who has allowed his marriage to be hurt by his "duty" then FOR ME I would lose some respect for that minister. I would question "how can he preach and teach and tell me how to live my life and have a godly family if his own is broken".

NEVER forget, like many Pastors do unfortunately, that your FIRST and PRIMARY ministry is to your wife and family. Your wife is flesh of your flesh, your jewel, the most important person in your life. A Pastor's wife likely understands that sometimes the church must be taken care of instead of minor things, but she should never be neglected and treated as second fiddle.

I'm sure there are some people that think like this. There are others however that see us as human beings with the same struggles and challenges as they have and they don't place any unfair expectations on us. Most of the members of our church are amazing. They love and pray and dont judge and believe in us. I feel what we've been through the past few years gives us more empathy for those who struggle themselves. I've had people tell us they see us as real, not out of touch. I'm all for being good examples and my wife is sweet to the church folks and they love her. But ultimately Jesus is who we should be looking to. There are a lot of problems with hero worship. We've seen it happen over the years and it has a devastating effect on the church. And we never came into this situation projecting ourselves as prima donnas. My wife wasn't a diva. I wasn't the hot shot preacher. We paid for our meals at church dinners and got in line like everyone else. We don't throw parties at the church for our anniversay or pastoral anniversary or for our birthdays or whatever. I always made it clear I was the pastor and my wife was not the assistant pastor. She was my wife the mother of my kids. That's all I've ever wanted her to be.

Thanks for your advice.

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by Amanah

I'm looking for eloquent and kind words to express what I want to say and I'm not finding them, so I'm just going to share my heart.

I spent 20 years of my life in a church hearing that if you "save others God will save your family." I now believe that your spouse and children are the most precious people and you need to nurture and invest in them because if you lose them all other accomplishments will be bitter fruit.

The Pastor who preached those words 20 years ago now has grown children and grand children who he dotes on, and he will tell you straight up that his family is the joy of his later years. The people you minister to will come and go. Some of them will live for God, some will break your heart. Maybe even most of them will break your heart.

Do what it takes to make things right with your family because in the end that will matter most of all. I've seen some give themselves wholeheartedly to ministry and lose their spouses and children in the process, possibly because they took for granted the relationships they had. Some have become wounded at the loss to the point that they are broken and ineffective in ministry.

I want to turn this around and make it a positive post, to offer encouraging words, not depressing ones. Maybe this is what I can say to you: you still have time to make sure that your most important relationships are preserved. Take the time to romance your wife and embrace your family and secure what is most important in your life.

Thank you. I am working on it daily. That's why my post ended with hope as well. I know for some here it's an uncomfortable thought that a preacher and his wife might have issues but believe me it's there more than people think. But many would rather not hear about it. It doesn't necessarily remove a pastors ability to preach what the Word says as he is trying to apply it to his own life.

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by The Lemon

Deacon,

I appreciate your transparency and your heart. I am praying for you brother! I feel how sincere you are and it is so refreshing. I would to God that pastors would share as you have here. As hard as it is to hear, I feel I needed to read this this morning. I have said more then once that I do not want to be a preacher...in prayer, in confidence, and even among certain folks...I meant what I said when I said it, not bitter, or ungrateful, but just tired.

I can't tell you how many pastors I have heard say, after 20 or more years in the ministry, that if they could do it all over again, the one thing they would do different is spend more time with their families...WOW! The sad point is, that the time, at that point is already gone....one of those preachers broke down and cried while he was saying these things.

It may possibly be time to re-structure your ministry, not necessarily stop. I believe God will give you the direction you seek Him for. Keep in mind, however, that there will come a day that it is time to get off the bus, and alot of preachers struggle with that pivitol step in their lives and ministries. Love your family, and love your wife like Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it....that my brother is not an option.

Thank you again for your post, it was a blessing this morning.

Thanks Lemon, I appreciate it.