Headship in the Home

[AreYouReady?]

MsBrattified, that is sound advice to new saints.

I know of one man who was divorced from his first wife and remarried another. The Pastor told this man that he was living in sin. So this man divorced his second wife on the advice of his pastor because he was "committing adultery". I don't know the circumstances of his first divorce.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

Ok, I knew I read it from somewhere on here. It was also on that "church rules" thread.

RandyWayne, did not any of the men in the church give the Pastor scripture as to his boundaries in other men's homes?

I am trying to understand why some men will not stand up to the dictator...er ... I mean Pastor by giving scripture where the man is granted headship in his home by God.

This goes beyond the husband being the head..... When it comes to the family unit, the husband may be granted leadership status but in the order of things the wife has FAR more authority than the pastor as well.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

See, this would be a problem for me, though. I believe that being faithful to assemble is obedience to God and has nothing at all to do with my pastor. If my husband told me I couldn't attend church, I would attend anyway because I believe it's disobedience to GOD to not attend. It's a deal breaker.

Obviously it's better if we attend together, so if it were just a matter of which church to attend, we should try to find one we both agree on.

I guess I am not referring to a situation where the husband outright forbids the wife to go but situations where the church becomes the replacement family for the one she has at home. There was a message board where a woman went on about her unsaved husband and her marriage which was in a trouble. After she went into a bit more details it turned out that her husband was a long haul trucker and gone most of the time. In fact he was really only home weekends and maybe a couple of additional days a month, and yet she called her church family "Family" and REFUSED to give up attending ANY services. Her whole Sunday consisted of a couple of long church services and various practices in between. She thought she was WITNESSES to her husband by putting the church "Family" ahead of him. I suggested that she witness to him by actually staying home one Sunday and doing thins with him -an idea she thought was no better then selling her soul to satan.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

For all Bible-believing Christians out there, here's a question for you.


I keep thinking of that thread about rules and the Pastor forbidding married couples the marriage bed before and on Sunday, among other things. Who has the final say in the home Biblically? Does what the Pastor rule take precedence over what the husband wants in his own home?

I am wondering what people are thinking as this is not just a UPC problem. I know of a Pastor who the wife went to regarding her healthcare when she found out she had breast cancer. She went over her husband's head to the Pastor. The Pastor made the decision for her on what kind of treatment she was to have. By the time she got around to telling her husband about her breast cancer, the Pastor had already made the decision for her and the husband had no say.

I know what my husband would say to all of this, but what say you?

Such control is cultic.

With regards to the marriage bed... in Judaism making love on the Sabbath is considered a blessing and something sacred.

Too many Christians are just afraid of sex.

[Scott Hutchinson]

The marriage bed is the couple's business,as long as the marriage bed is undefiled what goes on there is the couple's business.

[BrotherEastman]

Where do some of these so called pastors come from????????

[AreYouReady?]

Why do some pastors want to make men to be little children? Not trying to bash pastors because I'm sure that there are many good ones. I just have not encountered any who were not controlling in this region.

[Angel48]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't your Pastor supposed to be your spiritual guide? The very words spoken during the wedding ceremony say "What God has brought together, let no MAN put asunder"

The pastor is only a man- even if an anointed one. He has no business discussing those issues or dictating a schedule for sex. Sounds like he has some personal demons IMO ....

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by Scott Hutchinson

The marriage bed is the couple's business,as long as the marriage bed is undefiled what goes on there is the couple's business.

The question that arises is... what defiles a marriage bed?

Lingerie
Varied Coitus Positioning
Lotions
Aides
Being rough
How to Guides
Baby talk
Dirty talk
Name calling
Fantasies
Dress-Up Fantasy
Erotica

... and the list goes on and on.

I know pastors who have forbidden all of the above.
I know other pastors who have the attitude that anything that doesn't offend one's partner and aides in mutual enjoyment is acceptable and to be kept private.

[Cindy]

Some wives with unsaved husbands get verbally abused and even beaten if they stay too long at church. Of course these women get the same for a multitude of other reasons. Do we tell them not to go to church? It's not always the Pastor's fault that people can't or won't take responsibility for themselves.