How to get over the Greatest Hurt

[Sinatra]

Originally Posted by Trouvere

For many the wounds went on day after day and year after year and they were
powerless to change the situation. I find that when I people have been afflicted for
a long time only a miracle from Jesus can heal them. We can pray for them and encourage them but its going to take the power of a surrendered life coupled with the Holy Ghost
and much prayer. Many times these are the people that are hardest to get along with
due to the root of bitterness being so deep. Its especially bad when it happens to someone being raised in the church or married to an abusive partner.
When a child lives with someone who is in the pulpits of our churches and is a hypocrite at home the wounds are harder to uproot. I don't buy the don't keep picking at the scab theory. When I was a hospital nurse working pediatrics I had to give a lot of baths to badly burned children. I would have to give them pain killers and then go back and scrub the scabs off. Some wounds don't heal well with a scab on. The scab will cause them to be bound in one position and they will not be able to use a part of their body as it will be frozen in position. The scab has to be scrubbed off and its very painful and requires someone to do it who knows that the end result will be a good one and though he or she feels empathetic not so sympathetic to the point of not getting the job done.
Many times people need deliverance so badly and don't find it in our churches because the programs are in place and the Holy Ghost is not allowed to
do His job. People are not taught spiritual warfare and how to close doors and be delivered from the vexations that have kept them bound. Its not always the Pastor or elders fault as he or she may not know themselves having not been taught. It gives those who have been taught a greater responsibility to the Church as a whole.
Its a sad thing to have a form of Godliness and deny the power thereof.
The Bible speaks of this. When all we see is a religious spirit in the churches its a sad
day for everyone. Religion is not enough. People need genuine deliverance not another social experience. Many come to Jesus carrying deep hurts and wounds and need deliverance from spirits that have a hold on their minds, bodies and emotions. They keep fighting the same temptations over and over and losing out. We can write them off so easily rather than realizing we are the ones missing something. We need to learn how to help people get delivered and keep delivered. It takes the gifts of the Spirit to identify the problems and if our churches that claim to be Apostolic keep taking the lead and not allowing Jesus to lead then healing will not come.
I travel all over the U.S. and many churches are great praying and soul winning stations but also I have seen many churches don't allow Jesus to have His way. Some just want a small amount of the Spirit of Jesus to do a work and then they shut Him down because they want it to be a one man show or don't allow the gifts to be in operation out of fear or lack of knowledge. Jesus help us all. Its more of a mess than a blessing.
No wonder so many are full of hurts. Some of these things can be removed or sent packing by Jesus using the Church in the gifts.
Lately this has been a cry of my heart. I see so many who need freedom living in bondage claiming they are free but have no joy. I admit that when I preach I have reminded my husband to remind me to smile because I hate the enemy so much and when I see what he is doing to the saints it aggravates me a lot. I want to see joy in
the churches. I want to see the sisters smiling and happy and loving life not weighing
three hundred pounds with a pony tail and not feeling like even being there. We have
to have the joy of Jesus. It should be beaming out of us. Jesus help us all.

Wow........This is really good. Thank you.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by missourimary

I'm not sure we ever detach from a past hurt, but we do have a choice to either learn from it and grow through it, turning it into a positive experience, or grow bitter and angry over it, making it a negative experience. And, even if we start out negatively, after time the experience can be used for growth-and vice versa.
Some hurts are so deep only God can reach them.

Another thing-I've heard people comfort someone saying 'time heals all wounds.' Does it? I don't think so. Time doesn't. God can. But don't expect him to always remove the scars. He is our healer, but oftentimes our scars remind us of lessons learned and victories won if we let them.

Originally Posted by ILG

The greatest hurt of my life happened a number of years ago, which culminated in my husband and I leaving the United Pentecostal Church. We had fought a tremendous battle, were falsely accused repeatedly but continued to fight for those we knew were being abused. In the end, I questioned many times if it were worth it and I would not choose to do it again.



The Lord of the Rings is a tremendous story and when I was quite sick here a little while ago, I watched the whole thing. Sam and Frodo and the others fight a tremendous battle and they are a unique fellowship, one that cannot be understood except by those inside it. They share a unique bond.

In the end, Frodo leaves the shire, telling Sam "We set out to save the shire Sam, and we did.....but not for me".

Those words resonate in my heart. Frodo left with pain, yes, but with a peace and a smile that he knew he was going the right direction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mApx-001wRY

Originally Posted by SeekingOne

I am finding some wounds take a loooong time to heal. I sometimes feel like the pain is getting greater with time instead of better. If it were as simple as forgiving those who inflict the hurt, the pain would end immediately.

If someone could take away the memories of the people I love and can't call or hug, then maybe the hurt would heal. If someone could take away the family members who keep stabbing us again and again, maybe the wounds would heal.

Sometimes I feel like Paul, I prayed several times for the thorn to be removed, but God keeps saying His Grace is sufficient. Some pain we won't understand ever on this earth. Death looks really good sometimes, but God has a call on our lives and we must continue on and fulfill His purpose.

Originally Posted by RevDWW

There comes a time when we have to become responsible for our selves. Not taking blame for hurts inflicted on us by others, but maturing to the point we know we are able to respond to the things that come into our lives.

I must decide if I turn the other cheek or strike back.

Ah, the terrible power of choice.......

Originally Posted by Sister Alvear

However in the power of choice sometimes we all wonder if we made the right choice...While we all must chose to forgive sometimes those that hurt us stare us in the face day after day...

Originally Posted by Trouvere

Sadly I have a friend who after having seen a Christian Counselor was told to go and confront her abuser, who was her father. It did more damage than good. Her father could have cared less that he abused her for years. It just brought up more frustration and emotional problems for the sister. Some will never repent it seems. I also know of someone who went to meet their birth parent. It all but destroyed them. The birth was the result of rape and the person hated meeting them.
Some things only Jesus can take care of.

A good counselor would never tell anyone to confront an abuser except in a controlled and safe environment [preferably with a counselor and a witness] and only if it was necessary for healing.

[DividedThigh]

i have pondered hurt so many times in my life, even recently i was hurt by some folks i trusted for most of my life, i have found the only thing i can do is forgive and shield myself from being hurt by them again, unfortunate but that is my story, dt

[Sinatra]

You know, it's easy to tell someone, you've just got to choose to be better. Come on, how do you "choose" to be better. WHY on earth if it was in your power to be better, wouldn't you choose to be? Believe it or not some things are not in our power. There are things that only the Power of the Holy Ghost can overcome. Not everything is simply a matter of just forgiving. After you forgive, there is still a need for healing.

I've mentioned vagely before about being a child abuse survivor. I told how forgiveness took place between my Mom and me; and praise God my Mom came back to HIM. My Dad passed away before we could mend things...

Yes, Mom asked for and found forgiveness; from Jesus and from me. However, that didn't erase the emotional wounds and damage that a childhood of physical and verbal abuse caused...

I received the Holy Ghost when I was 10 years old. I grew up in church, w/ the exception of a few of my teen years...

Even as an adult today, there are times that I struggle in my relationship w/ God. There are still times that the words from my childhood come back to haunt me. And yes even after all these years, the things that were said and done in my childhood at times come back and hinder my faith and my walk w/ God. It is difficult to relate to God as a loving Father, if you've never had that as an example. It is sometimes difficult to accept that God loves me as I am, especially when I spent my childhood hearing how unloveable and unworthy I am. Patterns and mindsets once established are difficult to overcome. NOT impossible, but it's difficult. It takes the Power of God. I don't think it's just a choice. I would love to wake up tomorrow and say, all the beatings and words will never affect me again; because I choose not to let them. But in all honesty it doesn't work that way. It seems like I make progress and then the battle begins again. Still, I press on, and one day there will be victory!

If nothing else comes from my childhood; my children know daily that they are loved, they know daily that they are special and wanted, They know that God loves them unconditionally and that their parents do also. Because of this, we have children who love God, who know God and what His word says, and that have a relationship with God. And we have children who I pray will never have to question if they are good enough for Jesus to love.


Sinatra

[simplyme]

I'm sorry that for some the pain will never diminish, I really hurt for others too.
I can relate for when I first ever heard of such a thing, I too wondered HOW?

I live with my husband whom was abused in degrees that a human mind/heart cannot
fathom.
YET, his demeanor is so KIND, so nice to everyone. People are drawn to him., he
NEVER says an unkind word about anyone, no one would EVER know anything bad
had been done to him., he would give anyone the shirt off of his back., and wouldn't
hurt a fly.

Even I marvel at him.
I get more mad at those whom hurt him, than he does!
Amazing grace, is all I can say.

He was not privileged with a church going family either.
Only his minister grandpa took him, to a Church of Christ, for some
time when he had temporary custody of him, also just by being a
witness of GOD., that man showed
him the love that was soo lacking in his life., not even his mother
did enough (IMHO) to protect him, I still struggle with my feelings
about her, (my MIL) although I do love her;
for I know that as a mother, ANY mother, I would do, and have done,
whateve rit takes to protect her children.

Anyway to make a long story short, he CHOSE to forgive/forget., I only
know about some of these things as he has confided in me, over many
years; and its been
confirmed by others., I wish that I was more like him as He is a great
witness of how pain can be put aside for GOD's purposes/greater good., GOD
alone knew that one day he would reach this pinnacle of being baptized
in JESUSname, and become an even greater witness for JESUs!

Right now as we speak he is giving hospice care to that person whom
so brutally abused him all of his life, up until I met him., which person
has now asked him "where am I going-what will become of me" as he
is set to die any day now. *sigh* This person never believed in GOD.

It boggles my mind, I wonder if I could be so gracious?
I suspect so when it comes down to it, I can and will be, I too have
a similar upbringing, & into adulthood.
He has been a great example to me.
Whodda thunk it?

[Rhoni]

Physical, sexual, spiritual, and emotional abuse is forgiveable but the recipients need healing from it which is different from the forgiveness issue.

Many people think forgiveness is about walking way and acting like nothing happened and it brings homeostasis back. This is is not so.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by Sinatra

You know, it's easy to tell someone, you've just got to choose to be better. Come on, how do you "choose" to be better. WHY on earth if it was in your power to be better, wouldn't you choose to be? Believe it or not some things are not in our power. There are things that only the Power of the Holy Ghost can overcome. Not everything is simply a matter of just forgiving. After you forgive, there is still a need for healing.

I've mentioned vagely before about being a child abuse survivor. I told how forgiveness took place between my Mom and me; and praise God my Mom came back to HIM. My Dad passed away before we could mend things...

Yes, Mom asked for and found forgiveness; from Jesus and from me. However, that didn't erase the emotional wounds and damage that a childhood of physical and verbal abuse caused...

I received the Holy Ghost when I was 10 years old. I grew up in church, w/ the exception of a few of my teen years...

Even as an adult today, there are times that I struggle in my relationship w/ God. There are still times that the words from my childhood come back to haunt me. And yes even after all these years, the things that were said and done in my childhood at times come back and hinder my faith and my walk w/ God. It is difficult to relate to God as a loving Father, if you've never had that as an example. It is sometimes difficult to accept that God loves me as I am, especially when I spent my childhood hearing how unloveable and unworthy I am. Patterns and mindsets once established are difficult to overcome. NOT impossible, but it's difficult. It takes the Power of God. I don't think it's just a choice. I would love to wake up tomorrow and say, all the beatings and words will never affect me again; because I choose not to let them. But in all honesty it doesn't work that way. It seems like I make progress and then the battle begins again. Still, I press on, and one day there will be victory!

If nothing else comes from my childhood; my children know daily that they are loved, they know daily that they are special and wanted, They know that God loves them unconditionally and that their parents do also. Because of this, we have children who love God, who know God and what His word says, and that have a relationship with God. And we have children who I pray will never have to question if they are good enough for Jesus to love.


Sinatra

Sinatra,

It is good that you have purposed in your heart to let your children be the recipients of the knowledge you have gleaned through all your childhood trauma. This is right and as it should be.

Unfortunately, there are many people that continue the cycle of abuse and pass it down to their children and grandchildren. I am a firm believer that Jesus Christ came to break those chains of transgenerational sins/weights but all people involved have to want that also. Our sovereign Lord does not force healing on anyone...but if you desire it...it is there for you.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

I think that the hurt is sometimes like a grain of sand that irritates and causes pain. As you build layer upon layer of boundaries it eventually becomes a magnificent pearl of great price. There is nothing that is worth the pain incurred.

[Rhoni]

Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jer 29:12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. Jer 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

[Trouvere]

Rhoni
I was reading something this am that really made me think.
It was concerning women who have been abused and dissociative disorder if I am
spelling it correctly. So many times it was said that these people are confused with demonic possession when in reality it is not though the enemy caused it to begin with.