Help Me Help My Uncle

[RevDWW]

Praying for you! Sounds like you need to have him committed so that he does not hurt himself or anyone else. There comes a time when you just can not do it all on your own and need help from professionals.

[Esther]

Originally Posted by Fiyahstarter

So 11 months ago I started this thread. Thanks for your help before. Maybe someone can help me again.

My uncle has Alzheimer's and Parkinsons Disease. His dementia continues to increase. Sometimes it's bad; other times it's worse. It's always AWFUL when he drinks alcohol (which he does often).

I would stop the alchol consumption if at all possible.

My one sister and I have taken care of him over the past year as best as we can. We live fairly close to my uncle. We have another sister, but she is a distance away.

My uncle's doctors revoked his driving license last spring, but it didn't matter. My uncle would still drive. My sister and I took his keys away from him (for his protection and for the protection of others on the road). We also took his guns away from him because he has such extreme anger.

Also, take his knives. My FIL pulled his pocket knife on his son. Remember they are not themselves.

He blames us for his illness. He hates us for "trying to take over his life". He thinks we are "out to get him." He explodes at us all of the time. He is mean and unmanageable. (Case in point. He had a friend take him to the SPCA to get a dog. Within two weeks he was trying to shoot the dog because it chewed something.)

I think I would give the "friend" the dog. You don't need more care to be dishing out.

Caring for this man is the worse thing I've had to go through. The nightmare is never-ending. I almost hate to answer the telephone these days. We have hired an agency to send in caregivers to give us some relief but we are still involved everyday. He has turned the family upside-down.

WE NEED ADVICE: My uncle has "friends" (drinking buddies) who continue to provide my uncle with rides to the liquor store and other unhealthy outings. He had one of the neighbors take him to the hardware store to get 10 keys made to his home. He has handed them out to people all over the neighborhood so they will have "easy access to his home." Scary.

I would have a private conversation with his "friends" explaining he is not able to make decisions any more. Maybe they don't realize he has alzheimers.

Second, I would change the locks and not let him know. If he is really that far gone he may not figure that out. It is a security concern when you don't know who has access to your home. I would not be comfortable with that in any way.


One of my uncle's "neighbors" came over and sold him two guns in the past year. He has another neighbor who is trying to "buy" one of his tractors. My uncle is not of a frame of mind that he should be owning guns or transacting business.

I would be a stop to that. Folks are taking advantage of him. If you have a power of attorney, if it is not a limited power of attorney then I "think" you can legally do that.

My uncle insists he doesn't need us... Yet he can't take his own medication. He can't make his own meals. He can't open his mail. He can't pay his bills. He can't bathe or anything.

He just informed us the other day that he was disinheriting me and my one sister (you know, we are the two that have being taking care of him all year)... and is going to leave it all to my long-distance sister whose involvement is that she sees him once or twice a year. (Because she is NOT the bad guy... we are.)

I have POWER OF ATTORNEY, as he had that made up many years ago when he did his will. I'm not sure if that means anything. I always thought that a power of attorney came into play if one was in the hospital and physically unable to sign checks and things. I don't understand if it comes into play in a situation like this.

If the power of attorney is a limited power of attorney, like for medical decisions only, then I would pursue getting a letter from his doctor having him declared incompetent and getting a broader POA.

We are trying to allow him to live at home as long as he can (we don't want to have to send him to a nursing home)... And we would GLADLY take care of him... BUT HE FIGHTS US. HE WON'T LET US TAKE CARE OF HIM. He swears he can take care of himself, but he cannot.

They usually do better in familiar surroundings. But you have to do what you have to do.

If we were to "give him control of his life" as he wants . . . he would surely die or hurt someone (or both) probably within weeks. He has very little thinking/reasoning skills left.

You have to ignore his ramblings. He can't reason if he really has alzheimers.

And the neighbor "friends" are not helping. Actually, some of them are like buzzards waiting for the kill.

Another reason I would get POA, and if they will not cooperate with you, simply don't open the door or the phone for them.

I know some of you out there have gone through similar situations. ANY advice would be most helpful (legal or otherwise).

The holidays are at hand and "magically" 3 quarts of whiskey and two 30-packs of beer have appeared in my uncle's garage.

Dispose of them without his knowledge.

GOD HELP ME.

God is helping you, keep your faith in Him. He will give you the wisdom you need. Just hang on to your patience. It is a very hard thing. When they escape from you it is very trying as well.

[Fiyahstarter]

Sometimes it is as if he is possessed. It is scary.

Thanks for advice... Thanks too for your prayers guys...

[Fiyahstarter]

So it's been about 8 months since I last posted. My Uncle has 24-hour around the clock care in his home. It is expensive, but we are swinging it. The best news is that all four of his caretakers are spirit-filled Christians! How's that for "happen-stance". The drinking has been put to a stop, and my uncle is so much more docile these days. Ha! In your face, devil.

Thanks so much for the prayers!!!

AND I HAVE A VICTORY REPORT... You'll never believe...

My Uncle went to church with me last Sunday!!!!! And guess what... He Liked It!!!

[OilCityCajun]

And now you can share your experience with the next person who posts a similar problem, helping them to hang on to their faith and courage in their struggles. God bless you and all here who have prayed and offered words of encouragement.

[Falla39]

Originally Posted by Fiyahstarter

I've been caring for my 75-year old uncle now for about 6 months. He has a semi-mild case of Parkinsons disease. He also has a manageable case of prostate cancer (more pills). He also drinks heavily. BUT NOW, over the past month, he has developed some serious dementia.

In the beginning, I felt SURE the Lord wanted me here to help my uncle, to witness to my uncle... but day by day, he becomes more unruly and more unmanageable. He has bursts of ANGER and although I pray, and come up against spirits in his home, I feel helpless.

My grandmother (his mother) was a mighty woman of God... so I know my uncle has roots in the Lord ... but the more the days go by, the less and less he understands. I feel like I'm running out of time with him.

I am at my wits end and would love to hear any advice and would particularly welcome your prayers!

Thanks in advance!

In Psalm 107 there is a wonderful verse, "At their wit's end they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he bringeth them out ..." Based on that verse a wonderful poem has been written:

Are you standing at Wit's End Corner,
Christian, with troubled brow?
Are you thinking of what is before you
And all you are bearing now?
Does all the world seem against you
And you in the battle alone?
Remember -- at Wit's End Corner
Is just where God's power is shown.

Are you standing at Wit's End Corner,
Your work before you spread
All lying begun, unfinished
And pressing on heart and head
Longing for strength to do it,
Stretching out trembling hands?
Remember -- at Wit's End Corner
The Burden-Bearer stands.

Are you standing at Wit's End Corner?
Then you're just in the very spot
To learn the wondrous resources
Of him who faileth not;
No doubt to a brighter pathway
Your footsteps will soon be moved
But only at Wit's End Corner
Is the "God who is able" proved.

It is at Wit's End Corner, driven by the Spirit into the place where the pressure is so great that we have no other recourse but to cry out to God for help, that at last we begin to learn. It breaks upon our dull, slow minds that this help is not something intended for emergency situations only. This dependence on him is the principle upon which God expects us to meet every circumstance. It is thus we enter into rest.

Prayer:
Our Father, thank you that the Garden of Gethsemane was not mere play acting upon a stage. The Lord Jesus did not come into the world to perform a role, he fully entered into life. He went the whole way, he bore the full brunt. Help us, then, to obey these simple words of admonition: To come with confidence, with boldness, to the throne of grace that is within us from which all help comes, all light is streaming, all hope is flaming. Make these words real in our experience.
In Christ's name, Amen.
Ray C.Stedman


Hope this helps,

Falla39



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Sister Alvear]

thank you Jesus...

[Falla39]

Originally Posted by Fiyahstarter

So it's been about 8 months since I last posted. My Uncle has 24-hour around the clock care in his home. It is expensive, but we are swinging it. The best news is that all four of his caretakers are spirit-filled Christians! How's that for "happen-stance". The drinking has been put to a stop, and my uncle is so much more docile these days. Ha! In your face, devil.

Thanks so much for the prayers!!!

AND I HAVE A VICTORY REPORT... You'll never believe...

My Uncle went to church with me last Sunday!!!!! And guess what... He Liked It!!!

Thank you, Jesus!
When I posted above, had not noticed that this was an
old thread. Perhaps someone else could be at their wit's
end and be encouraged by the poem and prayer. It is not
original with me but I was blessed by it anyway!

Falla39

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Fiyahstarter

So it's been about 8 months since I last posted. My Uncle has 24-hour around the clock care in his home. It is expensive, but we are swinging it. The best news is that all four of his caretakers are spirit-filled Christians! How's that for "happen-stance". The drinking has been put to a stop, and my uncle is so much more docile these days. Ha! In your face, devil.

Thanks so much for the prayers!!!

AND I HAVE A VICTORY REPORT... You'll never believe...

My Uncle went to church with me last Sunday!!!!! And guess what... He Liked It!!!

Wonderful report!! So glad to hear it!!!

[Fiyahstarter]

You guys are the bestest! Your prayers are and have been beautiful. Thanks for your support!

And Falla, I loved your Wits-End poem. ALWAYS useful!

While reading through the threads lately, I've had a thought. I'm hijacking my own thread, but here goes anyway.

You know, it's funny... prayer threads, victory threads and praise threads never get much attention, do they? Nothing to criticize, is there? Not much fun, huh? (Well I have seen SOME "praise threads" get a lot of attention...those that criticized how others praised, that is.) Why aren't we talking more about God's goodness and less about men's faults?

The spirit of condemnation is a nasty one...and it's contagious.