How can a person learn to trust again?

[mizpeh]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Dear Jane,

Rebuilding trust takes time. Have you went to those who offended you and discussed the situation with them to fully understand? If you have, with no resolution, then the best thing you can do is to detach from the assembly, make a conscious effort to forgive them, and then look for another place of worship.

What you must be careful about is placing blame on God for the humanness of individual saints or pastors. God has always loved you and forgiven you. God does not control other people's actions to make our lives more 'pleasant'. What he does is sustain us when we feel alone, mistreated, misunderstood, and abandoned.

You can choose to stay 'hurt' or you can take control back from them and live your life to the fullest. We are not in control of other's behaviors and feeling, but we must be of our own.

Trusting God is a given. Trusting man is as much our responsibility as the other person. You should learn healthy boundaries and who it is and isn't safe to trust. Just because a person has a place of authority or a title does not mean they are trustworthy...

Make a list of attributes you look for in a close friend and see how you can apply this to other relationships as a measure. Don't forget to look inward and see what you did or have done to contribute to the problem and resolve your own issues before making judgements about others.

Blessings, Rhoni

I'm emailing this to a friend! Thank you.

[JaneEyre]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Dear Jane,

Rebuilding trust takes time. Have you went to those who offended you and discussed the situation with them to fully understand? If you have, with no resolution, then the best thing you can do is to detach from the assembly, make a conscious effort to forgive them, and then look for another place of worship.

What you must be careful about is placing blame on God for the humanness of individual saints or pastors. God has always loved you and forgiven you. God does not control other people's actions to make our lives more 'pleasant'. What he does is sustain us when we feel alone, mistreated, misunderstood, and abandoned.

You can choose to stay 'hurt' or you can take control back from them and live your life to the fullest. We are not in control of other's behaviors and feeling, but we must be of our own.

Trusting God is a given. Trusting man is as much our responsibility as the other person. You should learn healthy boundaries and who it is and isn't safe to trust. Just because a person has a place of authority or a title does not mean they are trustworthy...

Make a list of attributes you look for in a close friend and see how you can apply this to other relationships as a measure. Don't forget to look inward and see what you did or have done to contribute to the problem and resolve your own issues before making judgements about others.

Blessings, Rhoni

Thanks, Rhoni ...I appreciate this very much. Also, thanks to others who've PMed me. I am taking a leave from the internet for awhile. That is #1 in my list of things that may help me.

[RandyWayne]

Confucius say: Trust is never given, it is earned.

Actually I have no idea if he ever said anything remotely like that, but it sounded good. It IS an important reality though. So many within the church think that trust (other than in God) is blindly given. It is not.

[LaVonne]

Originally Posted by JaneEyre

There are those who would tell me I am backslidden. I no longer attend church regularly. My last experience in church ended in my trust being violated by preachers. Don't ask for details. I'm not looking for pity or even empathy. I don't want to be viewed as a victim and I'm not wanting to discredit anyone. I would never relate specifics on a forum.

My desire for God and church is not gone. I still believe I have a relationship with God but I am afraid and reluctant to try to begin again with a group of believers.

Do I know Christ? Yes. Do I love Him? Yes. Do I want to serve Him? Yes.
This has continued for months. The only road home is back to Calvary - to look at the sacrifice and know it was personally for me but I can't live at the foot of Calvary. I am told I need to go back to church. Back to where the knives were placed into my back. Will someone please tell me that the wounds will someday heal?

You will heal...in time. I believe you when you say that you love Jesus and know him and want to serve HIM. Man will let us down, but Jesus won't. Give yourself some time and much prayer and Bible reading and someone to talk to and pray with you...this will all help.

I'm sorry you're hurting...I've been there.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by Coonskinner

Good post Sister.

A lot of truth here.

Thank-you Pastor CS! *Rhoni thinks as she becomes tearful* For Mizpeh & Jane...listen to Sis. Carey & even Randy Wayne. We have all been through similar feelings, although different circumstances. We're still standing as you will be. Randy Wayne is right that we need to learn who we should trust. Be careful about appropriate boundaries and who you share you hurts with.

Blessings,
Rhoni

[JaneEyre]

Rhoni, I've read your posts many times and identified with some of your pain. Thanks for taking time to give of your experience and knowledge.

I'm not here to rehash anything over and over. I come here for encouragement and the hope that maybe someone will actually see my need and pray for me. In a church service, when a person goes up for prayer over and over for physical needs, rarely does anyone condemn that person...But have someone have a spiritual wound that is still a need and it's a totally different story. Often it's something like: Don't bother me. Get a life. Get over it. Please realize it's not that easy.

Until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, you have no idea how much that person's feet can hurt from the obstacles that have been put in the pathway. With spiritual miles, it's not the feet but the heart that is aching.

As I said, I am trying to stay away from this board lately. God bless.

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

JaneEyre- if you are not comfortable in a local church, you can find some amazing online services and archives. This is not to discount time also spent in prayer and Bible reading on your own.

[ForeverBlessed]

Originally Posted by JaneEyre

Rhoni, I've read your posts many times and identified with some of your pain. Thanks for taking time to give of your experience and knowledge.

I'm not here to rehash anything over and over. I come here for encouragement and the hope that maybe someone will actually see my need and pray for me. In a church service, when a person goes up for prayer over and over for physical needs, rarely does anyone condemn that person...But have someone have a spiritual wound that is still a need and it's a totally different story. Often it's something like: Don't bother me. Get a life. Get over it. Please realize it's not that easy.

Until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, you have no idea how much that person's feet can hurt from the obstacles that have been put in the pathway. With spiritual miles, it's not the feet but the heart that is aching.

As I said, I am trying to stay away from this board lately. God bless.

This post is why I found myself trying to log onto the site to post tonight.. I was viewing as a guest. (couldn't remember my password) but your situation really touched my heart tonight and I've been praying for you... and will continue to do so.

[Scott Hutchinson]

Sister Jane man can and often will fail us,but there are loving Pastors out there,and you can be made whole again through the grace of God.
Trust in Christ and His grace and let Him put the broken pieces back together again.
God loves you and cares about your well being.

Originally Posted by JaneEyre

There are those who would tell me I am backslidden. I no longer attend church regularly. My last experience in church ended in my trust being violated by preachers. Don't ask for details. I'm not looking for pity or even empathy. I don't want to be viewed as a victim and I'm not wanting to discredit anyone. I would never relate specifics on a forum.

My desire for God and church is not gone. I still believe I have a relationship with God but I am afraid and reluctant to try to begin again with a group of believers.

Do I know Christ? Yes. Do I love Him? Yes. Do I want to serve Him? Yes.
This has continued for months. The only road home is back to Calvary - to look at the sacrifice and know it was personally for me but I can't live at the foot of Calvary. I am told I need to go back to church. Back to where the knives were placed into my back. Will someone please tell me that the wounds will someday heal?

Like any time our trust is broken, it takes time to heal, if your open to healing it will happen..........God is good and He loves and cares of us...blessedly and thankfully more than some people!