How do you know if you have forgiven someone?

[Bro-Larry]

If you can give them a gift, then you can rest assured you have forgiven them.

(Bill Gothard- Institute in Basic Life Principles)

[GodsBabyGirl]

That is a very good question...

I have had people hurt me and I won't go around them too much or allow my children around them.

And I have been accused of being unforgiving and judgmental.

I am with most of you guys...I have forgiven, but I haven't forgotten. I think that is man made garbage.

I believe God gives us common sense and discernment. Wise.

I won't allow toxic relationships to stay in my life or the lives of my kids. Especially if the other parties haven't been converted, repentant, or saved.

They can do the same thing all over again.

I love God so because He does vindicate His own. I don't wish ill will on them; I just know my God's track record.

And when they do me wrong, God always vindicates me.

And I won't realize it. I'd gone on bout my business and one day God would allow me to see vengeance on those who hurt me.

Not that I am sitting waiting for it to happen. It just does. Reaping and sowing. Karma. Call it what you want...

I just am thankful for a just God!

To the originator of this thread...I believe God will let you know when you have forgiven that person.

We all have our barometers we try to gauge when we have forgiven those who wronged us. But that barometer doesn't belong to us....it belongs to God!

And so does vengeance....

Relax, love God, and ask Him to heal you.

In time, in due season, God rights all wrongs....I have seen it done time and time again....He is faithful like that...

Sis Wenona

[simplyme]

Originally Posted by Adra

I don't wish them ill will, I just don't wish to associate with them. My mom has always been a harsh woman called me stupid and ugly and fat when I was young, beat me with belts, and her fists. I am glad she is a Christian now, I am glad she has the Lord to lean on just like I lean on Him.

However I have no desire to have mother daughter relationship with her. I am respectful to her, I call her and check on her, I pray for her, I just do not wnat to get close because of how she treated me. She is still harsh with me at times. Only differance is she knows that now I will just leave, I have someplace else to go. Even when when she is harsh I am still respectful. As soon as I can i go pray and then I call my husband cause he has the ability to sooth my wounds. My brother is just like my mom, he is so sharp with his tongue, and has no idea that his harshness causes hurt feelings.
When he comes down I just keep my distance.

So, with all I have been told I know in my heart that I have forgiven. Just common sense not to want to be around someone that is hurtful.

Thank you all for your comments.

Wow I can relate! Glad to know I'm not the only one with this type dilemna (bolded above) and I know how hard it is; but there is not much we can do to change ANYone, we can change only our reactions and that in itself is quite a challenge. It can take a lifetime of trying.

Good morning, Christmas is tomorrow and I have come a long way in how i feel. I still do not want to put myself in the path of anyone who cannot be kind so I still keep an emotional and physical distance.

To Big-Larry-

I did buy mom and my dad a gift last year, with Christian love I gave it to them and expected nothing in return. I did it because they are my parents.
My mom waited a few days then she handed me an envelope, in it was the exact amount of money that I had put into her and my dad's Christmas gift. No thank you -no merry Christmas no nothing but the money.

This year I did not bother.

May each of you have a Merry Christmas and may God bless you all in the coming year.

[Truly Blessed]

Originally Posted by Adra

Thank you Ferd, I read and I learned.

I know that I do not want harm to come to those that have hurt me. I pray for those that have abused me. Some of those wounds -those roots you talk about go deep from when I was just a 6 yr. old child. Those roots are deep. I think I need to do a lot of praying for myself and for those that hurt me.

Does the fact that I hurt mean that I am not a Christian, that I am not saved.
Does the fact that I want to keep a distance between me and them mean I am not saved?

Forgiving someone doesn't mean you trust that person. When someone we loved and trusted in hurts us, we tend to turn on ourselves and question our own worth. Sometimes we even question whether God sees our deep hurt. Yet, God knows us and loves us and comes along side us to help us overcome those hurts.

Forgiveness is the first thing we do for ourselves in the healing process. Forgiveness isn't for the other person so much as it is for us. When we have truly forgiven we are able to move on without constantly reliving the hurts. When we forgive, we are making a statement that we will not be a victim for the rest of our life, but rather live as an overcomer.

You are saved! The anger one feels because of a past hurt is not sin in itself. It's how we deal with that anger that matters. Praying for that person is a great way of dealing with the anger.