I never thought I'd have the courage to say all that I have on this forum. I've honestly been afraid of what people would think. I've been afraid that someone from OR would see all this and...who knows...I'm so tired of being afraid of what others think. I'm tired of church leadership acting like God and ruining lives...This day has been good for me. Thanks for starting this thread STS.
I think this is the positive power of the INTERNET. It has opened up a world to us where we can exchange information and create relationships. I was afraid this thread would turn into bashing the church, but I think the spirit of the people on this thread has caused it not to turn into bashing. I have shuddered to read some of the oppression some of you have lived under. My first pastor was very authoritarian. There were times when I would come home from church and feel like the congregation was the "whipping boy". Soon, I stopped going to Wednesday night services, because that is when he would take out his frustrations on us and lay down the law. I do not think I could ever sit under a controlling pastor again. I appreciate the opportunity to share in your experiences.
I think this is the positive power of the INTERNET. It has opened up a world to us where we can exchange information and create relationships. I was afraid this thread would turn into bashing the church, but I think the spirit of the people on this thread has caused it not to turn into bashing. I have shuddered to read some of the oppression some of you have lived under. My first pastor was very authoritarian. There were times when I would come home from church and feel like the congregation was the "whipping boy". Soon, I stopped going to Wednesday night services, because that is when he would take out his frustrations on us and lay down the law. I do not think I could ever sit under a controlling pastor again. I appreciate the opportunity to share in your experiences.
While my teen experience wasn't quite as extreme as the various lists here, I did grow up in something similar except I had no choice but to go. To this day, I do NOT look at Sunday with great glee and joy because of "Church!!!". I still remember waking up early Sunday morning to the sound of blaring preaching on the radio and being forced to go to our 2 - 3 hour Sunday school services.
20 years later!
I think this is the positive power of the INTERNET. It has opened up a world to us where we can exchange information and create relationships. I was afraid this thread would turn into bashing the church, but I think the spirit of the people on this thread has caused it not to turn into bashing. I have shuddered to read some of the oppression some of you have lived under. My first pastor was very authoritarian. There were times when I would come home from church and feel like the congregation was the "whipping boy". Soon, I stopped going to Wednesday night services, because that is when he would take out his frustrations on us and lay down the law. I do not think I could ever sit under a controlling pastor again. I appreciate the opportunity to share in your experiences.
I had the same concerns as you, especially as we are still UPC. However, as I watched the thread, I was pleased to see that no one was bashing, but rather, sharing experiences...nothing wrong with that.
I'm sorry to hear that you once sat under a controlling pastor...I'm in total agreement with you...I'll never sit under one again either.
Our pastor has recently told us..."You've been delivered from Oregon!" WhooHoo!!!
I had the same concerns as you, especially as we are still UPC. However, as I watched the thread, I was pleased to see that no one was bashing, but rather, sharing experiences...nothing wrong with that.
I'm sorry to hear that you once sat under a controlling pastor...I'm in total agreement with you...I'll never sit under one again either.
Our pastor has recently told us..."You've been delivered from Oregon!" WhooHoo!!!
So were the most nutso pastors and churches truly confined to that state? After all the Contentions Contender WAS published there during the 80's....
I have been friends with The Mrs for 10 years now...hard to believe it has been that long...but she is one of my closest friends...she is the kind of friend that will drive alllll night to get to you if you need help...she is the first one I call when I am in need...and she is always there.....
I told you all that to tell you this...I pushed her away because of that pastor...they left the church....and we did not speak for almost or around 2 years...I thought she was so decieved...and had a bad spirit of rebellion on her(this was drummed into me over and over)...oh my goodness I am confessing here folks...it was really ugly...she and her family were hurt more than she will ever admit....I have cried many tears over what a beautiful and dear friend she is and how she still loves me in spite of what I did to her......the whole time we were separated I grieved more for her than I did anything in my life...God kept speaking to me, and giving me signs I would be close to her again....when we left that church they were the FIRST ones we called....they came and forgave and loved us all the more! God is so awesome and He gives us such wonderful friends! I love my friend
I know people who went out of their way to avoid speaking to people who left for another church, or those who remained at the church they left. I have to wonder, is that what Jesus would have done?
There is one person in my life that I know of that won't speak to me to this day. I don't live near her any longer, so I never run into her, but when I wasn't doing what she thought I should be doing in church (standards related), she wrote me off as not worthy of friendship. It hurt me, because I love this woman and we were close friends. I think of her often, and wish we could connect once again. I miss her more than she realizes.
I'm thankful, however, that she's the only one out of everyone I know. I hope that if I shunned anyone in my life that God would slap the snot out of me but good.
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I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
I know people who went out of their way to avoid speaking to people who left for another church, or those who remained at the church they left. I have to wonder, is that what Jesus would have done?
There is one person in my life that I know of that won't speak to me to this day. I don't live near her any longer, so I never run into her, but when I wasn't doing what she thought I should be doing in church (standards related), she wrote me off as not worthy of friendship. It hurt me, because I love this woman and we were close friends. I think of her often, and wish we could connect once again. I miss her more than she realizes.
I'm thankful, however, that she's the only one out of everyone I know. I hope that if I shunned anyone in my life that God would slap the snot out of me but good.
So sad HO. The church I left practiced Shunning. Anyone that left with or witout pastoral approval..(I can't hardly remember him approving of anybody leaving). they were not be fellowshipped with in any way.
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God has lavished his love upon me.
I've seen MANY dictators! It seems to be more prevelant in the west for some reason.
carey, you are right, many that have not been around it cannot comprehend it. People, trust me, they are out there!! even in the year 2007!!
We had one in our area (back in the 80s & 90s) who use to beat his members up physically if they disobeyed him.
I have a friend who told me about another one in his area who had a paddle in his office and would give grown Men and women a whipping for breaking the standards or rules
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Now that is as stupid as stupid gets. Sounds like David Koresh's bunch.
__________________ For it is written, "As I live, says the Lord every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall give praise to God. (Romans 14:11- NASB)
So sad HO. The church I left practiced Shunning. Anyone that left with or witout pastoral approval..(I can't hardly remember him approving of anybody leaving). they were not be fellowshipped with in any way.
I think you know the pastor I was raised under, and he was the same way. He even instructed people do not have contact with even ministers that he had leave because they weren't what he had in mind for the church. A friend of mine refused to follow that rule, and when she finally left, she was done the same way.
This pastor didn't stop there. He also instructed those who left to not have contact with his members, and he even notified their new pastors about his request. When my friend left, this pastor notified her new pastor and told him not to use them because they were troublemakers. They were forced to leave that church and attend another secretly. Their current pastor was well aware of the situation, as many former members of my pastor's church attended there, so they never had a problem, and they remain members to this day, and their children are involved in church as well.
I thought I was the only one raised in a church like that, but I see that I was pretty much in the norm. I will never attend a church with a pastor like that again.
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I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
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