More Yucks

[Sam]

A man goes out golfing.

He is on the second hole when.. he notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone... Again, he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron."..He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club.. away, and grabs a 9 iron...

Boom!

He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, yes?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit. Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with.. him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks...
..
"Ribbit. 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!..Hole in one...
..
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say...
..
By the end of the day, the man golfed.. the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit... Las Vegas ."

They go to.. Las Vegas..and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"..
..
The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette."..

Upon approaching the roulette table,..the man asks, "What do you think I..
Should bet?"..
..
The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6."..

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom!..Tons of cash comes sliding back across..The table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel...
..
He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."..

The frog replies, "Ribbit. Kiss Me. "

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it...With a kiss, the frog turns into a Gorgeous..girl...
.
.
.
.
.


"And that is how the girl ended up in.. my room, Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."..
..
..

[Sam]

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that.. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened! No beating, no abuse."

Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"

[missourimary]

hmmm... Sam needs to gargle with sweet tea sometimes, too, maybe? Like right when he's about to tell that last joke?


j/k Sam

The one about the lucky frog... I thought maybe the guy's luck was about to run out! Guess Tiger's did, though... but that wasn't what I was expecting! LOL

[tamor]

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral."

[tamor]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven. Don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on....very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

[missourimary]

[Sam]

Snow White and the Seven Dorks

[Sam]

a few older computer cartoons

[Sam]

some more

[Sam]

some re-releases of old movies.....