More Yucks - Page 25

Sam · #**241** 01-21-2010, 05:43 PM

Term Limits

Advice from Curtis and Leroy

Limit all US Politicians to two terms.

One in office
one in prison

Illinois already does this

Sam · #**242** 01-21-2010, 05:45 PM

Catholic Coffee
..
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

..
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
..
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. ..When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

..
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. ..When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

..
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. ..When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

..
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips.

..
When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

p.s. A picture came with that joke but I thought it prudent not to include It in this forum.

Sam · #**243** 01-21-2010, 05:46 PM

Last Wish

In Washington , D.C. an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his nurse to come near.
............
.."Yes, Father?" said the nurse.
............
.."I would really like to see President Obama and Speaker Pelosi before I die", whispered the priest.
............
.."I'll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse.
............
..The nurse sent the request to The President and Congress and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Nancy Pelosi would be delighted to visit the priest.
............
..As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Pelosi, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me re-elected."
............
..Pelosi agreed that it was a good thing.
............
..When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Obama's hand in his right hand and Pelosi's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.
............
..Finally President Obama spoke.. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
............
..The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
............
.."Amen", said Obama.
............
.."Amen", said Pelosi.
............
..The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same."
..

Sam · #**244** 01-21-2010, 06:06 PM

The wheels of life

BeenThinkin · #**245** 01-21-2010, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam

The wheels of life

Now Sam that ain't even funny! Wait 'til you get old!

Sam · #**246** 01-21-2010, 06:15 PM

Quote:
"some days you're the dog and some days you're the hydrant>"

It got so cold here earlier this month I saw a dog stuck to a hydrant.

Just kidding,,

BeenThinkin · #**247** 01-21-2010, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam

Quote:
"some days you're the dog and some days you're the hydrant>"

It got so cold here earlier this month I saw a dog stuck to a hydrant.

Just kidding,,

Thanks, I needed that laugh!

BeenThinkin

BeenThinkin · #**248** 01-21-2010, 06:37 PM

"BAIL'EM OUT!!! ????
Hello,... back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now, we are trusting the economy of our country, our banking system, our auto industry and possibly our health plans to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a wh__e house and selling whiskey?!"
"What are we thinking?"

BeenThinkin · #**249** 01-21-2010, 06:42 PM

Sam..... You may have to bail me out after that last joke! Wait it wasn't a joke!!!! Maybe I won't get banned!

Shoulda' ..... BeenThinkin"

BeenThinkin · #**250** 01-21-2010, 07:20 PM

The economy is so bad that…

1) I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

2) I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

3) CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

4) If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

5) Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

6) McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

7) Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names..

8) A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

9) Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

10) Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

11) The Mafia is laying off judges.

12) Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

13) Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

14) I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

BeenThinkin