Sleeping with Uncle Jeff - Page 24

JaneEyre · #**231** 10-19-2007, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhoni

My brother was molested from ages 9-11, during church by men in the church while church was going on. My mother has issues with God for allowing it to happen while she was serving God with all her heart, and with the leadership for covering it up.

My brother has never been the same. He is an alcoholic and loves God but cries at the altar for hours asking God to forgive him and let him speak in tongues. Molestation leads to sexual and gender identity issues as well as self-esteem issues. One of the reasons I can't deal with/counsel perpetrators is because I would like to line the perpetrators up and shoot them for all they have done to destroy so many lives, especially my only brother, my baby brother who will never quite be the same again.

I know of one prominent minister whom many of you know who prosecuted the man/youth leader who molested his sons and I say the man was a good father and Pastor for exposing and prosecuting and not allowing it to be covered up.

I know of just as many ministry people who harbor known felons in their churches without proper boundaries and accountability people in place.

Rhoni, I've felt that way, too. I believe all of us feel that animosity, repulsion, and hatred more intensely the closer it is to us. However, I've had a perpetrator look at me and say, "I'm worthless" (and I thought - yes, you are) and he continued, "I deserve to die and I've already tried to take my life and it didn't work"...I've seen others self-mutilate and have severe eating disorders, emotional problems, etc. etc. I've often thought if someone harmed my child that way, I could kill that person and never blink. - That's not Christlike and I don't know if I were faced with it personally how I would feel or what I would do...But, I do know that the best thing we can do for a perpetrator is lock him up and there tell him about Jesus Christ. Don't give him a slap on the wrist and then send him back to perpetrate his actions again. Those inordinate desires are like cravings for food and they will be fulfilled - unless God takes control of the person's life.

Rhoni · #**232** 10-19-2007, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneEyre

Rhoni, I've felt that way, too. I believe all of us feel that animosity, repulsion, and hatred more intensely the closer it is to us. However, I've had a perpetrator look at me and say, "I'm worthless" (and I thought - yes, you are) and he continued, "I deserve to die and I've already tried to take my life and it didn't work"...I've seen others self-mutilate and have severe eating disorders, emotional problems, etc. etc. I've often thought if someone harmed my child that way, I could kill that person and never blink. - That's not the Christlike way to do it and I don't know if I were faced with it personally how I would feel...But, I do know that the best thing we can do for a perpetrator is lock him up and there tell him about Jesus Christ. Don't give him a slap on the wrist and then send him back to perpetrate his actions again.

Dear Jane,

As you can tell I am conflicted in this matter...the counselor & Christian in me would like to forgive, counsel, and lead the perpetrator to repentance but the woman/mother/sister in me would like to make a Eunich out of perpetrators.

I hope that if/when I am ever in a position of dealing with the issue in my family that I will choose mercy and forgiveness, but at times I can't be sure.

Just being honest here.

Rhoni

MrsMcD · #**233** 10-19-2007, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhoni

My brother was molested from ages 9-11, during church by men in the church while church was going on. My mother has issues with God for allowing it to happen while she was serving God with all her heart, and with the leadership for covering it up.

My brother has never been the same. He is an alcoholic and loves God but cries at the altar for hours asking God to forgive him and let him speak in tongues. Molestation leads to sexual and gender identity issues as well as self-esteem issues. One of the reasons I can't deal with/counsel perpetrators is because I would like to line the perpetrators up and shoot them for all they have done to destroy so many lives, especially my only brother, my baby brother who will never quite be the same again.

I know of one prominent minister whom many of you know who prosecuted the man/youth leader who molested his sons and I say the man was a good father and Pastor for exposing and prosecuting and not allowing it to be covered up.

I know of just as many ministry people who harbor known felons in their churches without proper boundaries and accountability people in place.

In our case, the man wasn't prosecuted or exposed. My dad thought he was doing the right thing for our family. I think in hindsight it hurt my family more. The whole truth should have come out and been exposed so that this man couldn't hurt anyone else. I look back and think how could we have been so stupid as to think we were protecting our family by not letting everyone know what had happened. That's messed up thinking. It was my sister that it happened to. Her life has never been the same. She is in the church and loves God but she isn't the sanguine person she once was.

I just wish that everyone that has issues like this would be exposed. I also think that if this man had been prosecuted, my sister would have some closure. It wouldn't change what happened but at least, she wouldn't feel as if he got off free.

Scott Hutchinson · #**234** 10-19-2007, 08:01 PM

If someome messed with my girls,I hate to say it but I would proably shoot the one who messed with my girls.

RandyWayne · #**235** 10-19-2007, 08:02 PM

Quote:

In our case, the man wasn't prosecuted or exposed. My dad thought he was doing the right thing for our family. I think in hindsight it hurt my family more. The whole truth should have come out and been exposed so that this man couldn't hurt anyone else. I look back and think how could we have been so stupid as to think we were protecting our family by not letting everyone know what had happened.

When justice is not served it also hurts those in the know because I am sure there are people who see this bozo and constantly think of popping a cap in his you know what.

JaneEyre · #**236** 10-19-2007, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott Hutchinson

If someome messed with my girls,I hate to say it but I would proably shoot them.

No, no, Bro. H, you would feel like shooting someone - but you'd get control of yourself. What good would you be to your family locked up in jail? You'd probably miss or not get a clear shot. The other guy would go free and you'd be doing time.

MrsMcD · #**237** 10-19-2007, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

When justice is not served it also hurts those in the know because I am sure there are people who see this bozo and don't think of popping a cap in his you know what.

You are so right!

Scott Hutchinson · #**238** 10-19-2007, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneEyre

No, no, Bro. H, you would feel like shooting someone - but you'd get control of yourself. What good would you be to your family locked up in jail? You'd probably miss or not get a clear shot. The other guy would go free and you'd be doing time.

Woe to the person that ever harms my girls.Yes I'd proably control myself, but I pray I'm never in this position.

Rhoni · #**239** 10-19-2007, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsMcD

In our case, the man wasn't prosecuted or exposed. My dad thought he was doing the right thing for our family. I think in hindsight it hurt my family more. The whole truth should have come out and been exposed so that this man couldn't hurt anyone else. I look back and think how could we have been so stupid as to think we were protecting our family by not letting everyone know what had happened. That's messed up thinking. It was my sister that it happened to. Her life has never been the same. She is in the church and loves God but she isn't the sanguine person she once was.

I just wish that everyone that has issues like this would be exposed. I also think that if this man had been prosecuted, my sister would have some closure. It wouldn't change what happened but at least, she wouldn't feel as if he got off free.

There is a statute of limitations about this and maybe your sister can find out what it is...but I think it might be better for your parents to apologize to her and let her know they didn't know what to do and just wanted to protect her reputation.

My brother does not wish any ill toward his perpetators. I think, he thinks, he has forgiven them. He may well have but the effects last a lifetime. There are support groups which have perpetrators and victims in the same group [not the perpetrators of those victims]. It sometimes helps heal when a victim confronts someone else who is a perpetrator even if not theirs and ask why. Then tell them what they think of them and how their actions have hurt them.

The one thing that keeps me/my heart focused is that I know most of the perpetrators have once been the victim. You would think that they would not want anyone to feel like they felt when they were being victimized but many times this is the only way they have been modeled about what "love" is, especially if the molestation came from a family member who told them they were 'special' and they "loved them the most."

If counselors can catch the victims and reparent/retrain them as to what good and healthy love is then we can stop the victims from becoming the perpetrators. There is a point where perpetrators become reprobate and cannot determine between right and wrong and they are very dangerous people.

Mrs....all I can say is that I am where you are and I wish I could make things right for my brother, like you wish you could make things right for your sister...but we can't. We have to trust that God can take what the devil meant to destroy them and make them an instrument of peace for another who may have been in the same situation.

Many ask..."Where was God while this was going on?" He was crying and holding the person so they would not die. He does not take away the will of another to not do these things but be not deceived...there is a day of accountability and God will repay.

Sincerely, Rhoni

pelathais · #**240** 10-19-2007, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneEyre

No, no, Bro. H, you would feel like shooting someone - but you'd get control of yourself. What good would you be to your family locked up in jail? You'd probably miss or not get a clear shot. The other guy would go free and you'd be doing time.

Excellent thoughts, JE. Revenge is a powerful and compelling force.

But just from my observations of life, when someone who was denied justice sought to take matters into their own hands, more likely than not an innocent by-stander or even another loved one ended up getting hurt instead of the original perp.