More Yucks

[Sam]

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"


The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday paper was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,
"Well, rats, so that's why no one was at church today."

[Sam]

a blonde joke

A blonde said, I was worried that my Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.


some more gems of wisdom from Maxine

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.


My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.


I hate sex in the movies.
I tried it once.
The seat folded up,
the drink spilled and
that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.



My mind works like lightning,
one brilliant flash and it is gone.


The difference between the Pope and your boss,
the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.


Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.
It's called ........
"Ministers Do More Than Lay People"

[Sam]

NEW SUPERMARKET
A new supermarket opened in Tucson, Arizona. It has an automatic water
mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound
of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the
scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with
onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air
is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and
cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more...

[RandyWayne]

Tiger shark spotted off the coast!

(Warning: Typical beach apparel on display in picture)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pi...0176918&ref=nf

[Sam]

Nervous first time visitors ......

[RandyWayne]

Wise man say:
"Before criticizing your wife's faults, realize that had they not been there she probably would have ended up with a better husband."

[Ferd]

Joke:

Nancy Pelosi had a thought.

[RandyWayne]

TRAGEDY. FEAR! The Horror!!!

What IF...... Nancy Pelosi received THIS warning on Facebook?

URGENT! FACEBOOK VIRUS ALERT.
An email recently went out to women asking them to post the color of their bra in support of breast cancer awareness.
THIS IS A VIRUS.
To fix it, you must remove your bra, then go to Settings>Enable Webcam>Record Movie>Upload to Facebook.




(It would not be unlike the visual based virus designed to infiltrate the Borg collective and wipe them out.)

[BeenThinkin]

Mule - Check this out.


Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.


The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."


Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."


The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."


They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."


The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"


Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."


The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"


Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.

"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."

Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."

The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

They're overseeing the Bailout Program.

[Ferd]

America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs another facelift