For those that left the UPC...

[Mirth1981]

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

Would he respond positively if you asked him to show you from the Bible where these things are true? To show you, biblically, why what you're feeling is wrong? Or would that just make him angry?

He has been getting very angry and defensive with me. I don't think anything I say is going change anything.

[*AQuietPlace*]

Originally Posted by Mirth1981

He has been getting very angry and defensive with me. I don't think anything I say is going change anything.

Then I'd just work on the meek and quiet spirit for a while. Let God work in him. He's very fearful right now.

I know very well what a tough place you're in.

[StillStanding]

Originally Posted by Mirth1981

I totally agree with what you said. And yes, I think my husband does have a fear of seeing something besides what he's been taught and possibly falling into error.

He has also been talking to his preacher friends about how I've been feeling and what I've had to say...and what they've told him has only made him more intent on keeping the old paths, no matter what his rebel of a wife wants to do.

Here's my advice. Be patient with your husband!

If he sees that your attitude is right and that you still have a great relationship with God, he'll change a little at a time. It will just take time.

I changed my views before my wife did. I told her how I felt about standards, but told her that I wouldn't require her to change a thing. She was free to dress and look how she chose as far as I was concerned. It took a year or so before she changed anything. She feared God's wrath for changing anything how she was raised. (That's what she heard in numerous sermons!)

Before my wife changed, I went and offered to step down from playing the organ for our church because of my beliefs. I was told to continue because both my wife and I still looked just fine! How I believed didn't matter, it was how I looked! How I believed on standards didn't effect me at all, but it sure effected my wife when she finally made changes.

Save your marriage! That is more important than cutting your hair or wearing pants.

[*AQuietPlace*]

Originally Posted by Mr. Steinway

Save your marriage! That is more important than cutting your hair or wearing pants.

This is very true.

But, it's more than her possible desire to wear pants or makeup that's involved here. It's the very eating away at your soul that happens when you have to continue to be in an environment where you don't believe what is preached. You have such a range of emotions that rock through you that it can nearly destroy you. I've literally felt like I was going to lose my mind at times. Anyone in this position needs a LOT of prayer.... for their own well-being while they try to walk through this carefully.

[POWERUP]

Originally Posted by Mirth1981

He has been getting very angry and defensive with me. I don't think anything I say is going change anything.

Mirth1981,

I would definitly say be very meek and sweet. He is no doubt Terrified!! To
say the least.

I am the man in my house and also the minister. I left the UPC about 3
years ago.

I have never been what you would call conservative. My family is pretty
conservative. My parents are not, but my grand-parents are!!

They are all still in the UPC. My dad doesn't pastor anymore, but still
helps my uncle.

I guess I am trying to choose my words wisely...........But it's a shame that
man-made doctrines are causing strain on your marriage!!

God trully knows your heart. If you and your husband have a great marriage
then I know in time he will understand.

Just as some have allready stated..................Keep God First!!!!

[Mirth1981]

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

This is very true.

But, it's more than her possible desire to wear pants or makeup that's involved here. It's the very eating away at your soul that happens when you have to continue to be in an environment where you don't believe what is preached. You have such a range of emotions that rock through you that it can nearly destroy you. I've literally felt like I was going to lose my mind at times. Anyone in this position needs a LOT of prayer.... for their own well-being while they try to walk through this carefully.

Exactly.

[StillStanding]

Originally Posted by Mirth1981

Exactly.

My prayers are with you, Mirth!

[POWERUP]

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

This is very true.

But, it's more than her possible desire to wear pants or makeup that's involved here. It's the very eating away at your soul that happens when you have to continue to be in an environment where you don't believe what is preached. You have such a range of emotions that rock through you that it can nearly destroy you. I've literally felt like I was going to lose my mind at times. Anyone in this position needs a LOT of prayer.... for their own well-being while they try to walk through this carefully.

My Thoughts Also!!!

[Mirth1981]

Originally Posted by Mr. Steinway

My prayers are with you, Mirth!

Thank you. I appreciate that very much.

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by mfblume

Ever notice the FAMILY aspect of the Higher-ups in the UPC. All related. May have changed now since Bro Bernard is GS.

There was some of that of course, but I in fact was probably able to get the job I had at Hazelwood because I had no family connections at WEC. The other candidate for the job was the nephew of a "high official" and frankly, he had a better presentation and was better with people. I was shy, nervous and awkward. I think the tipping point in my favor was that no one could say I got in because of nepotism.

That was probably unfair to the other guy who happened to have family connections. Those things work both ways.