CHRISTIAN PICK-UP LINES
by Craig Martinosky
1. Nice bible"
2. "I would like to pray with you"
3. "You know Jesus? Me too!"
4. "God told me to come talk to you"
5. "I know a church where we could go and talk"
6. "How about a hug, sister?"
7. "Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy."
8. "Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug!"
9. "Oh, you're cold? Maybe we should read Ecclesiastes 4:11"
10. "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"
11. "What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?"
12. "I am here for you."
13. "The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry," So___how about dinner?"
14. "You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither."
15. "You want to come over and watch "The 10 Commandments" tonight?"
16. "Is it a sin that you stole my heart?"
17. "Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?"
18. "Nice bracelet. 'What would Jesus date? Uh, I mean *do*'"
19. "Do you believe in Divine appointment?"
20. "Have you ever tried praying at a drive in before?"
21. "Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me."
22. "My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah that's his name."
23. "You know, they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a Christian."
24. "Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath."
25. "What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace by candle light."
I'm new on FB, but have been lurking here awhile. I enjoy the jokes, (as I pray for NotofWorks). But, I am having a problem with why people keep sending me jokes about old folks, senior citizen jokes.
The following is not a joke, (for real) but thought you "older folks" might enjoy or at least relate..... I knew too many of these.
NO Cheating - don't look at the answers until you take the test!
History Exam...
Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this exam. If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.
This is a History Exam for those who don't mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life.
*** Get paper & pencil & number from 1 to 20.
****Write the letter of each answer & score at the end.
Send to friends so everyone can HAVE FUN!
1. In the 1940s, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
a. On the floor shift knob.
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch.
c. Next to the horn.
2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs.
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing.
c. Large salt shaker.
3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk.
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled.
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and
pushing up the cardboard bottle top.
4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps
5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during WW II.
a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks
6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro
c. Tucker
7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
a. Strips of dried peanut butter.
b. Chocolate licorice bars.
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
8. How was Butch wax used?
a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up.
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing.
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust.
9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?
a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key.
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot.
c. Long pieces of twine.
10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?
a. Consider all the facts.
b. Ask Mom.
c. Eeny-meeny-miney-MO.
11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940s and 1950s?
a. Smallpox
b. AIDS
c. Polio
12. 'I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey'
a. SUV
b. Taxi
c. Streetcar
13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pony?
a. Old Blue
b. Paint
c. Macaroni
14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
a. Part of the game of hide and seek.
b. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores.
c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?
a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajawea
c. Princess Moonshadow
16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?
a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high.
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window.
c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid their failure.
17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum.
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items.
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos.
18. Praise the Lord, & pass the _________?
a. Meatballs
b. Dames
c. Ammunition
19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song 'Cabdriver' a hit?
a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires
20. Who left his heart in San Francisco ?
a. Tony Bennett
b. Xavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin
----------------------------- -------------------------------
ANSWERS
1. (b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe , took till the late '60's to catch on.
2. (b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?
3. (c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.
4 . (a) Blackjack Gum.
5. (b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.
9. (A) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your
neck.
10. (C) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.
11. (c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease.
12. (B) Taxi, Better be ready by half-past eight!
13. (C) Macaroni.
14. (C) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. (A) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet..
16. (a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.
17. (B) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store.
18. (C) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.
19. (A) The widely famous 50's group: The Inkspots.
20. (a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today..
SCORING
17- 20 correct: You are older than dirt, and obviously gifted with mental abilities. Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely someone who should share your wisdom!
12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but you're getting there.
0 -11 correct: You are not old enough to share the wisdom of your experiences.
I took that quiz once before, thinkin... and was told "I'm older than dirt." Nope, and no glasses, either!! just listened to a lot of stories as a kid.
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, government health care, real estate prices, the stock market, the federal deficit, Iraq, Afghanistan, global warming, my savings, my IRA, Social Security,the credit card debate, and my golf score, etc. that I called the Suicide Hotline .
I got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, Holy Cow!, my dog is a democrat!
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, Holy Cow!, my dog is a democrat!
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