Pastors, how do you handle it when...

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by Old Paths

I have witnessed the pastor, family members and the police intervene only to watch the wife go right back into the same situation.

Why?

I have no idea.

Love is blind... and dumb sometimes...

[Nahum]

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

This is a very serious issue.

1. Provision:
In I Timothy 5:8 is one of the strongest statements in the Bible: "If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (infidel)," (RSV).

I believe a man who is lazy and will not provide for his family is lost and headed to Hell. He is as lost as two boys kissing. The perversion stems from the same root of homosexuality - selfishness.

What is an infidel? The Greek word translated "infidel" is apistos, meaning "faithless, unbelieving, without faith."

2. Care
Providing for one's family involves more than just monetary support. It involves providing a safe and secure emotional "home" as well. Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse would destroy any hope of the home as a safe haven.

3. Pastoral response to dead-beats.
I have publicly rebuked twenty-something males in the church I pastor who refused to get a real job. I have told them not to offer any advice as to the direction of the church if they were not even providing for themselves. I have told them they were not eligible to be in any leadership position because of their lack of initiative.

Domestic abuse is not something I wade into. I have a certified Christian counselor that I refer those issues to. Our church tries to cover a portion of the associated fees for such services to hurting families.

I will say that I would call the authorities if I knew any man or woman was beating their spouse. I wouldn't think twice about it. Any male that would hit a woman is a despicable excuse for a human life form.

BTW, I teach biblical family structure on a consistent basis.

bump for Miss B

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

This is a very serious issue.

1. Provision:
In I Timothy 5:8 is one of the strongest statements in the Bible: "If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (infidel)," (RSV).

I believe a man who is lazy and will not provide for his family is lost and headed to Hell. He is as lost as two boys kissing. The perversion stems from the same root of homosexuality - selfishness.

What is an infidel? The Greek word translated "infidel" is apistos, meaning "faithless, unbelieving, without faith."

2. Care
Providing for one's family involves more than just monetary support. It involves providing a safe and secure emotional "home" as well. Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse would destroy any hope of the home as a safe haven.

3. Pastoral response to dead-beats.
I have publicly rebuked twenty-something males in the church I pastor who refused to get a real job. I have told them not to offer any advice as to the direction of the church if they were not even providing for themselves. I have told them they were not eligible to be in any leadership position because of their lack of initiative.

Domestic abuse is not something I wade into. I have a certified Christian counselor that I refer those issues to. Our church tries to cover a portion of the associated fees for such services to hurting families.

I will say that I would call the authorities if I knew any man or woman was beating their spouse. I wouldn't think twice about it. Any male that would hit a woman is a despicable excuse for a human life form.

BTW, I teach biblical family structure on a consistent basis.

I would also rebuke their parents... imo...

They are a product of their enviroment...until they recieve the word that things must change and there will be a line drawn for them and the Line actually means something...good luck..

This is a lazy generation that expects they must be served... because most that I know lack for nothing concerning their wants...but can't pay for their needs...

Originally Posted by Old Paths

I have witnessed the pastor, family members and the police intervene only to watch the wife go right back into the same situation.

Why?

I have no idea.

I do. There are a myriad of reason a wife/spouse would reenter or stay in an abusive enviornment. Some of the following reasons may or may not be applicable due to the age of the abused and how long they have been in this situation.

The first trick of an abuser is to isolate his spouse from any outside influence, thus removing any threat of intervention.

If the wife was raised in an abusive enviornment and witnessed this behavior during her developmental years from her parents, she would consider this love/hate relationship to be normal and would continue in it until it became ingrained in her personality and would continue to embrace it. Any intervention would be perceived by her as an intrusion into her lifestyle and would be threatened by it. Thus defending the abuser.

If the wife was not raised in an abusive/dysfunctional enviornment, she would be more prone to seek help, albeit there may be children involved/finances, etc. and she would make sacrifices for her children based upon her perception of her own self-worth and whether or not the risk of leaving the abuser is justified in her own mind depending on the varied degrees of abuse and how much the home can withstand.

Many times a spouse becomes an "enabler" by working against the situation and her behavior precipitates more abuse. I would recommend for any spouse to seek professional counseling from a well trained caring christian counselor.

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

...you have a man in your church who is not supporting his family, or at least attempting it, or,

...you have a man in your church who is verbally/physically abusive to his wife and/or children?

Do you rebuke them? Are you heavy handed about these issues? Do you try to handle abusive situations on your own, or do you involve the authorities?

Do you regularly teach/preach to men about how to provide and care for their wives and children?

Just curious...sometimes I wonder if the reason there seems to be a weaker presence of men in some churches because they aren't taught or prompted to be stronger men at home....?

Thanks for the thread, however you left our last counseling session mad. I'm still waiting for my $150.00!!!

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by crazyhomie

I do. There are a myriad of reason a wife/spouse would reenter or stay in an abusive enviornment. Some of the following reasons may or may not be applicable due to the age of the abused and how long they have been in this situation.

The first trick of an abuser is to isolate his spouse from any outside influence, thus removing any threat of intervention.

If the wife was raised in an abusive enviornment and witnessed this behavior during her developmental years from her parents, she would consider this love/hate relationship to be normal and would continue in it until it became ingrained in her personality and would continue to embrace it. Any intervention would be perceived by her as an intrusion into her lifestyle and would be threatened by it. Thus defending the abuser.

If the wife was not raised in an abusive/dysfunctional enviornment, she would be more prone to seek help, albeit there may be children involved/finances, etc. and she would make sacrifices for her children based upon her perception of her own self-worth and whether or not the risk of leaving the abuser is justified in her own mind depending on the varied degrees of abuse and how much the home can withstand.

Many times a spouse becomes an "enabler" by working against the situation and her behavior precipitates more abuse. I would recommend for any spouse to seek professional counseling from a well trained caring christian counselor.

A learned Behavior is often impossible to break... unless the Holy Ghost is allowed to release them from it..

I too am a Big proponent of Professional Counseling...

[Old Paths]

ONE SOLUTION

I knew a lady that was constantly being abused by her husband, until one day when her two brothers stopped him on a back road and told him "that if he ever laid a hand on her again they would take him out in the woods and rework his plumbing".

Amazing change in that fella.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by crazyhomie

Thanks for the thread, however you left our last counseling session mad. I'm still waiting for my $150.00!!!

PP...you publically rebuke twenty something men who refuse to get a job?

As a pastor I do not openly, publically or privately rebuke anyone. Not even the devil. Not even the ark angel would bring a railing accusation againt Satan, but said "the Lord rebuke thee" contending for the body of Moses. Why? Because because Satan is the accuser of the brethren. I would seriously ask you reconsider how you treat the flock.

Just because that's they way you were taught, doesn't make it right. By publically humiliating people you are offending their spirit, the spirit of Christ that dwells in them.

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Cute, I really like you. Maybe we can get together for a cappucino sometime...