My wife was at a lady's retreat a couple of years ago and the main speaker told a story about Bill Gaither (of the Gaithers). I don't know if anyone here ever heard THAT one. But my wife still starts blowing whatever she was drinking out of her nose when she thinks of it......
This is horrible - the very FIRST time I brought my oldest sister to church! It was a home mission work in her town. I had never met the pastor or his wife.
Well, he is preaching on out of Hosea and mentions, "Gomer"!!!! Oh my Lord, we couldn't stop laughing. The pastor even started laughing - Mayberry RFD.
Steadfast has told this story before and it's a hoot!
Story by Steadfast:
Kind of like the Youth Camp I preached a few years ago in a super duper ultra conservative environment when the 55 (or so) year old 'Principle' of the camp got up right before I preached and was giving them the 'campground conduct code'. He said, (and, yes, I'm serious) "We're going to respect the House of God by utilizing a proper dress code to these night services. For example, I want every girl in the building wearing thongs to stand up right now...."
Obviously he meant what we call 'flip flops' but he insisted one progressing in that vein by saying, "Come on now, I've been looking closely at some of you and there are more thongs still sitting in those pews!"
My youngest son, who was sitting beside me on the front row, said, "Oh Lord, Dad! What in the world is he doing!" I said, "Son, he's talking about 'flip flops'." My son - MUCH younger at the time - leaned down like he was picking up his Bible and said, "They aren't wearing flip flops, Dad!"
Ironically, just as I wanted to kill my son, the man in the pulpit said, "There will be NO thongs in the evening services! If you have to wear thongs then stop on your way in, pull them off and leave them in a pile at the front door!"
The pastor brought a little girl to the platform once for an illustration. Gave her a spoonful of flour or something like that, and she spat it out in big puff of dust! I couldn't stop laughing!
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Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
The pastor brought a little girl to the platform once for an illustration. Gave her a spoonful of flour or something like that, and she spat it out in big puff of dust! I couldn't stop laughing!
I remember a spider causing quite a disturbance once.
While my pastor was preaching, a spider started slowly descending from the ceiling right above a young couple sitting on the front pew.
Some of the saints noticed it and pointed it out to other saints and thus it spread.
The spider would descend a few feet, then go back up, descend and go back up and occasionally the descents were sudden instead of slow drops. Every time it dropped suddenly, those watching would gasp and snicker, anticipating this spider landing on or very close to the young lady.
The young couple was unaware of the spider or what was going on behind them.
This went on for about 15 minutes with saints snickering, pointing and gasping on occasion. All while my pastor was preaching.
He finally had enough of it and angrily asked what everyone was finding so entertaining?
The young couple turned around looking confused as someone pointed and explained that there was a spider coming down from the ceiling. My pastor couldn't see it, and clearly annoyed said "A what? Where?" And as several people pointed the young couple looked up just as the spider DROPPED completely to the floor at the feet of the young lady.
I've never seen anyone jump pews like that girl! She set a record getting off the floor and safely onto the pew away from that spider. Her husband squished it, the whole place was in stitches and the pastor had a very hard time getting everyone back to his message.
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"The only thing worse than murder in the desert is to know where the water is and not tell it!"
On Mothers day Sunday, our Pastor ask all the Mothers to stand. My husband who is hearing impaired stood too, but I was interested to know what the Pastor had to say to us so I hadn't noticed him standing up. Then my husband leaned into my shoulder and lowly said " what are we standing up for"? I said it's only for the Mothers to stand and he sat down. Then I got the sniggers, the shoulder shakes, then the sputtering, and then had to step into the foyer for a moment. Needless it say when I came back to my seat and looked at the ladies sitting across the aisle from us that had witnessed it all, I actually sputtered again. You always get the most tickled when it is not appropriate to laugh. I was embarrased, because everyone didn't know what had taken place.
Many years ago at my home church a dear elderly lady brought her grown, yet not quite right in the head son to church for some special occasion like Easter or something where we were having a large attendance push….LOTS of visitors.
As the service progressed, he kept looking around with this wild eyed silly grin that got most peoples attention.
Well, as normally happens in Pentecostal services things are noisy up unit the preaching starts and then there are lulls in the action.
So the pastor starts preaching and when he paused the first time, this guy stretches his abnormally long neck, pats himself on the head and exclaims in a VERY loud thickly accented southern/redneck draw “WANT A DRANK!”
Mind you because of his actions during the prelims of the service, and his odd actions, many people were already watching him.
So “WANT A DRANK!” became even MORE of a distraction.
Now everyone realized this guy wasn’t right so most were trying to keep their composure but after the fifth or sixth time, this one deal lady (and good friend of my mothers) who weighed at least 350 pounds got to laughing. I don’t mean, giggling, I mean really uncontrollably laughing! She almost broke the bench. The preacher got distracted, lost his place, repeated himself and generally stuttered. They almost had to just dismiss church.
Even to this day, and it has been 30 odd years, you can say “WANT A DRANK” and people back home will break out in laughter.
That was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in church.
__________________ If I do something stupid blame the Lortab!
oh my gahhhhhhh!!!
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