How to deal with cheating husband

[Nitehawk013]

He may have just used that example due to the Jim Baker and JImmy Swaggert examples which I am sure he was well aware of.

Hmm..I posted that and then thought" was it JIm Baker? Or was I thinking of someone else"?

[RandyWayne]

It is not wrong to forgive and still not trust. There is a reason that cheating is given as a legitimate reason to leave your spouse. The bible doesn't demand it but says it is a valid excuse. The advice to "get over it and move on" while not invalid per say is about the same as telling a mother or father who just lost their first born "you need to move on and have another baby".

That isn't to say there is NO hope for a couple where one or both have cheated but it is just not as easy to work through as some who have never experienced it think it is.

[OnTheFritz]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

It is not wrong to forgive and still not trust. There is a reason that cheating is given as a legitimate reason to leave your spouse. The bible doesn't demand it but says it is a valid excuse. The advice to "get over it and move on" while not invalid per say is about the same as telling a mother or father who just lost their first born "you need to move on and have another baby".

That isn't to say there is NO hope for a couple where one or both have cheated but it is just not as easy to work through as some who have never experienced it think it is.

Bingo.

[Sweet Pea]

I feel that he didn't deal with the crux of the issue. Yes, there are ways to restore a marriage broken by adultery. I've seen it happen several times and in those instances, the wife did NOT hold it over the husband. After much heartache and dealing with issues, it was forgiven and they moved on. However, if a spouse is unable to forgive, there is a heart issue that needs to be worked out between them and God. He should have dealt with that rather than saying that men have a "tendency to wander." THAT statement blew my mind. Too much responsibility was put on the wife for keeping him at home.

And RandyWayne - let me clarify something. You are TOTALLY correct! I have seen couples that trust was restored, but I have seen other couples where forgiveness was given but trust was never restored to a place of harmony.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation!

[Nitehawk013]

If this couple went to Pat when this first happened, and the first words he said were "get over it" I would agree with most of you.

However, this response form Pat is AFTER teh woman tells him that they have already done counselling, so the affair had to have happened some time ago. So after counselling, after some time, the wife is still refusing to let it go and move forward to make the marriage work.

At some point it is let it go and move on, or just file for the divorce. It's worse for everyone invovled to not divorce but instead hold onto that bitterness and anger and let that foul spirit take up residence in your home to infect your kids.

[OnTheFritz]

Originally Posted by ApostolicKitty

I have to wonder if this is part confession on Pat Robertson's part. I have issues with what he says about men. He acts as if men cannot control themselves and then turns around and talks about a prostitute in a hotel room. Why'd he pick that of all things? LOL I doubt most men who cheat do it with a prostitute.

Inclined to agree. Seemed to have some, ahem, intimate knowledge.

Back in the day, Robertson actually wasn't a loon, and didn't let random thoughts flow out of his mouth with no filter.

[OnTheFritz]

Originally Posted by Nitehawk013

At some point it is let it go and move on, or just file for the divorce. It's worse for everyone invovled to not divorce but instead hold onto that bitterness and anger and let that foul spirit take up residence in your home to infect your kids.

Now that I agree with.

[Sweet Pea]

Originally Posted by OnTheFritz

Inclined to agree. Seemed to have some, ahem, intimate knowledge.

Back in the day, Robertson actually wasn't a loon, and didn't let random thoughts flow out of his mouth with no filter.

Made me wonder also.

That was my first thought. He was just rambling.

Now - I'm wondering if it was REAL marital counseling or if it was a pastor telling her: "He has asked for forgiveness and is willing to make this marriage work. Do you want to make it work? If not, you have a Biblical right to divorce him; however, if you don't want a divorce, you need to forgive him and let's move on from here."

I'm paraphrasing what I know for a fact one "counselor" told a young couple after the husband confessed to an affair. There was no getting down to the nitty gritty and really working on things.

Now if it were a REAL counselor and they were able to get to the bottom of the issue, she most likely would be able to forgive. I still say that although it takes a lot of time and effort with LOTS of prayer, true forgiveness can come. If a person can't forgive another (for any transgression), there is something to be worked on in his or her own life. Jesus said we must forgive.

In this particular scenario, this could very well be the issue this woman has: "Withholding forgiveness is a refusal to let go of perceived power. We can feel powerful when the offender is in need of forgiveness and only we can give it. We may fear going back to being powerless if we forgive. "

This quote came from the following website:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marr...storation.aspx

In my opinion - Pat Robertson was way off base and out of line with his answer.

[Titus2woman]

Originally Posted by OnTheFritz

Back in the day, Robertson actually wasn't a loon, and didn't let random thoughts flow out of his mouth with no filter.

This was kind of my impression. He said a LOT for someone who had so little facts about a situation that could potentially impact lives of not only this man and woman but also their children and the rest of their families. '

The assumptions were huge and glaring and freaking stereotyping... He assumed that the man was the bread winner and provided everything for the wife who should have plenty of time to be a happy homemaker and sultry seductress... blech! How many women now must work to make bills and barely have time to get dinner on the table? In most families I know now if a man wants more or better sex he better be ready to do the dinner dishes and get the kids their baths.

Mostly my biggest issue is that we would even try to handle life's most trying problems, one's that stretch our faith to the limits, in a few minutes on a TV program, essentially for other's entertainment.... disgusting. When were the elders in our churches reduced to being sound-bites?

As far as adultry goes... forgive if you can, divorce if you can't, it's bible. I don't think counseling should have been over until they were at either one place or the other.

[Sweet Pea]

Originally Posted by Titus2woman

This was kind of my impression. He said a LOT for someone who had so little facts about a situation that could potentially impact lives of not only this man and woman but also their children and the rest of their families. '

The assumptions were huge and glaring and freaking stereotyping... He assumed that the man was the bread winner and provided everything for the wife who should have plenty of time to be a happy homemaker and sultry seductress... blech! How many women now must work to make bills and barely have time to get dinner on the table? In most families I know now if a man wants more or better sex he better be ready to do the dinner dishes and get the kids their baths.

Mostly my biggest issue is that we would even try to handle life's most trying problems, one's that stretch our faith to the limits, in a few minutes on a TV program, essentially for other's entertainment.... disgusting. When were the elders in our churches reduced to being sound-bites?

As far as adultry goes... forgive if you can, divorce if you can't, it's bible. I don't think counseling should have been over until they were at either one place or the other.