Headship in the Home - Page 2

Angel48 · #11 11-20-2011, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

This was one of those churches who taught that all people, both men and women should "obey those who have rule over you". Indoctrination for all new saints and that is how they grew.

When this man and his wife married, they couldn't even have a proper honeymoon because he wanted to get back in time for services at his church. She still has in her heart anguish over the way she was treated both by that church and her husband allowing her to be mistreated because he did not stand up for her when others were critical of her.

There is the saddest part. The damage that is done can not healed when it was done by those most trusted.

RandyWayne · #12 11-20-2011, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

For all Bible-believing Christians out there, here's a question for you.

I keep thinking of that thread about rules and the Pastor forbidding married couples the marriage bed before and on Sunday, among other things. Who has the final say in the home Biblically? Does what the Pastor rule take precedence over what the husband wants in his own home?

I am wondering what people are thinking as this is not just a UPC problem. I know of a Pastor who the wife went to regarding her healthcare when she found out she had breast cancer. She went over her husband's head to the Pastor. The Pastor made the decision for her on what kind of treatment she was to have. By the time she got around to telling her husband about her breast cancer, the Pastor had already made the decision for her and the husband had no say.

I know what my husband would say to all of this, but what say you?

Actually I started a thread (or two) about this subject and even posted some scanned images of the study guide he passed out. The church was not UPC, it was Assemblies of God, and we WERE out as fast as it took us to walk upstairs from the basement classroom and go to our car before the regular Sunday morning service started.

MOST disagreed with what he taught initially but only a few people besides us left. A little over a year later most came around to his way of thinking and believed in the "no sex on Sundays" rule as well as the concept of "sex for procreation ONLY".

RandyWayne · #13 11-20-2011, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

Maybe so...but how many men are guilty of not rocking the boat?

I know of one case where the wife was unhappy at her husband's church after they married. They were a critical bunch towards her. When the wife quit going, those folks rallied around the husband and continually patted him on the back...like "you poor saint having to put up with a "rebellious wife". He was eating it up. After she left, they gave him positions in the church that he wasn't given despite having been a faithful member of that church for over 10 years.

The Pastor told him that he should put his foot down and make his wife go to church.

I've actually seen this from the other side more often where the wife refuses to leave the church and the husband refuses to go. Funny how the concept of the husband being the head of the household is never taught when it comes to church attendance. Endless long hours of "always there when the doors are open" church.

AreYouReady? · #14 11-20-2011, 11:40 PM

Ok, I knew I read it from somewhere on here. It was also on that "church rules" thread.

RandyWayne, did not any of the men in the church give the Pastor scripture as to his boundaries in other men's homes?

I am trying to understand why some men will not stand up to the dictator...er ... I mean Pastor by giving scripture where the man is granted headship in his home by God.

AreYouReady? · #15 11-20-2011, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I've actually seen this from the other side more often where the wife refuses to leave the church and the husband refuses to go. Funny how the concept of the husband being the head of the household is never taught when it comes to church attendance. Endless long hours of "always there when the doors are open" church.

Yep. And I wonder why the husband refuses to go. Could it be more than the usual cracks about the husband being "backslidden"? Could it be that the Pastor "pulls rank" and emasculates him in his own home by telling wife to keep coming even if he doesn't want her to? Should she listen to Pastor or to her husband?

Hoovie · #16 11-20-2011, 11:46 PM

Standing up to him is not even the issue... But actually even taking him seriously is kooky IMO.

Hoovie · #17 11-20-2011, 11:50 PM

Stuff like this would roll off me like water off a duck's back. I would treat it like a friend of mine was telling me about her alien abduction.

MissBrattified · #18 11-20-2011, 11:53 PM

My husband has more authority than my pastor, except in two places (which really have nothing to do with my pastor):

1. My personal convictions, which are inherent to my relationship with God and between Him and me.

2. If he tells me to do something that goes against God's Word.

Now, I do realize there are some crazy people out there, but here's where it gets fuzzy:

1. Some men ask their wives to go against their personal convictions, and the woman (perhaps lacking backbone) will blame the church or the pastor, leading to unnecessary resentment between the pastor and husband.

Or

2. Women feel that it is a sin to disobey their pastor but don't feel it's a sin to disobey a non-believing husband. (For whatever reason, usually due to poor teaching). So in that case, they're choosing "God" over their husband; not necessarily "pastor" over husband, even though it comes across that way.

Some churches simply put too much emphasis on pastoral authority and not enough on a man's authority in his own home. Additionally, when the husband is an unbeliever, his authority is compromised anyway, since the whole idea of submission is wrapped up in a biblical concept in which the husband has his own part to play. If his half is missing, the submission part is VERY difficult. (Loving his wife as Christ loved the church) It isn't impossible, and Christian women should submit to their husbands whether they are Christians or not, but it's short sighted to pretend that it isn't difficult.

All that said: NO ONE tells my husband and me when we can use our bed, save God Himself (and He hasn't said anything).

I will never comprehend why pastors involve themselves in stuff like that. Stick to the Word. There's plenty of material there.

AreYouReady? · #19 11-20-2011, 11:54 PM

I guess it goes back to the woman who said she wanted to make it to heaven.

Pastor's have a lot of power in what they say to the people especially when it comes to making it to heaven. When you find one who goes into extra biblical doctrine and new saints don't know any different, it is a big deal to them.

MissBrattified · #20 11-20-2011, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I've actually seen this from the other side more often where the wife refuses to leave the church and the husband refuses to go. Funny how the concept of the husband being the head of the household is never taught when it comes to church attendance. Endless long hours of "always there when the doors are open" church.

See, this would be a problem for me, though. I believe that being faithful to assemble is obedience to God and has nothing at all to do with my pastor. If my husband told me I couldn't attend church, I would attend anyway because I believe it's disobedience to GOD to not attend. It's a deal breaker.

Obviously it's better if we attend together, so if it were just a matter of which church to attend, we should try to find one we both agree on.