Spiritual Abuse: Fact or Fiction

Originally Posted by Michlow

You can try to explain that until you are blue in the face Brad, but they will simply tell you to "get over it"

Nah, they don't even respond directly to me anymore... I am like that black guy in the movie, "Animal" with Rob Sneider. lol.

[Michlow]

Originally Posted by Sheltiedad

Nah, they don't even respond directly to me anymore... I am like that black guy in the movie, "Animal" with Rob Sneider. lol.

Is that why people don't respond to me as much anymore? I just thought it was because I've been getting mixed up with the wrong crowd

[Felicity]

Originally Posted by Sister Alvear

Now having said that I am a person that practices outward holiness standards and live by what I believe. My husband is our pastor of our churches here in Brazil and never one time have I ever seen him use "tatics" to get people to "line up".
A message lived is much more powerful than a message preached...My husband lives holiness standards he feels God wants us to uphold and we as a family and church stand behind him.
I have been married 35 years and have never heard him run down one person no matter how they believe. He is a christian. It is easy to follow a christian.
I would have a problem following some preachers that preach one thing and live another.

I would like to comment more on this later today if I have time...This is a very important subject...Sheep are lead not beat.

I know some people would say abuse to anything you preach...but there happen to be some preachers that like to "skin" their sheep...have you ever seen a skinned sheep?

There are people who cry abuse whether it's there or not for sure and there are those pastors that are abusive I guess although I've never experienced anything that could anywhere near even resemble abuse. My pastors have all been loving and kind.

There are times when pastors have to make decisions that aren't popular and there are times when pastors have to declare unequivocally what the Word of God says and stand for Truth and not back down and not put up with foolishness.

But you're absolutely right. God's people should not be beaten. They should be led the same way the Good Shepherd leads us. He is our example in all things.

How did Jesus deal with those who He led? Even the ones who disobeyed and didn't understand or comprehend what He was saying to them or what the will of God was? Look at it, read the scripture and see how patient and kind and loving He was with His own followers.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Steve Epley

Dan I will not puke my vomit on this forum but believe me my good wife and I know what it means to be abused by a pastor that we loved and trusted. We felt spiritually and mentally raped and it took years to heal. But as it has been said you can become bitter or better. But I also have been abused by unthoughtful, cold,mean, vicious church members. Yet I do not with cynicism view every good saint of God that could not help what some ingrate did. Every saint is not a nasty, ugly, vicious ignorant. Most are kind wonderful loving thoughtful people and every preacher is not on a ego trip trying to make saint's lives miserable and not living what he preaches. Allow me to do this I repent and publicly apologize for every sleaze that called himself a preacher that has abused and mistreated the saints in his care and turned out to be a fraud.
NOW will someone do the same for the church member who is a hell raiser?

Brother Epley,
I am working off of your post here which is excellently written!

I could have looked at everything that I have gone through and experienced in a negative way, but then I remember the scripture in Romans 8:28 "And we know that ALL things work together....."

We were in a service a number of years ago and the message was on Saul and David. Too much detail to include here. After the service my husband and I found out that the Lord had told us the same thing, "I have brought you through many things and am going to do a quick work. Through these things I will bring to your remembrance the things I don't want you to do."

Did I lose sight of that trapping along in life. Sure. I wish I could know exactly how Joseph felt through all his testing after his dreams and promises.

Nevertheless, at some point we have to understand that ALL things work together. We are being made ready. If you want patience, you have to suffer adversity. If you want to overcome, you have to be faced with temptation. If you want to win the prize, you have to keep running.

I Peter 5:10 "But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, settle you."

[Consapostolic1]

Originally Posted by Sister Alvear

Now having said that I am a person that practices outward holiness standards and live by what I believe. My husband is our pastor of our churches here in Brazil and never one time have I ever seen him use "tatics" to get people to "line up".
A message lived is much more powerful than a message preached...My husband lives holiness standards he feels God wants us to uphold and we as a family and church stand behind him.
I have been married 35 years and have never heard him run down one person no matter how they believe. He is a christian. It is easy to follow a christian.
I would have a problem following some preachers that preach one thing and live another.

I would like to comment more on this later today if I have time...This is a very important subject...Sheep are lead not beat.

I know some people would say abuse to anything you preach...but there happen to be some preachers that like to "skin" their sheep...have you ever seen a skinned sheep?

Amen to that!

[Steve Epley]

Originally Posted by Felicity

There are people who cry abuse whether it's there or not for sure and there are those pastors that are abusive I guess although I've never experienced anything that could anywhere near even resemble abuse. My pastors have all been loving and kind.

There are times when pastors have to make decisions that aren't popular and there are times when pastors have to declare unequivocally what the Word of God says and stand for Truth and not back down and not put up with foolishness.

But you're absolutely right. God's people should not be beaten. They should be led the same way the Good Shepherd leads us. He is our example in all things.

How did Jesus deal with those who He led? Even the ones who disobeyed and didn't understand or comprehend what He was saying to them or what the will of God was? Look at it, read the scripture and see how patient and kind and loving He was with His own followers.

Some folks wear abuse like a badge it gives them an excuse to live lawless lives not accountable to anyone. And some no doubt have been abused we were in an abusive situation but you get over it and go on with life. Hurt is a horrible thing especially given by someone we loved and trusted but it does not have to become terminal. ALL bitterness starts with a real or percieved hurt. How you deal with will determine your life HERE and in the world to come. If you have been abused my advise forgive and get over it quit feeding and nourishing it. Life is too short to live an embittered life blaming someone else for all your failures and disappointments. We live in a day of victims God has never intended us to be victims but victors. Give your hurts to Jesus he heals the wound spirits and go on with God and life.

[Michlow]

I want to repost something that I shared in the "I Challenge Cooper" thread regarding spiritual abuse:

The truth is that those who have not experienced it, do not understand the depths of damage that can be done in the mind.

Though I long ago let of any bitterness or anger that I held and freely forgave those who injured me, even I did not completely understand the effect those past experiences had on my spiritual life.

Firstly, and most importantly, I was taught a distorted view of God. Secondly I was shown a distorted view of authority. This distortion continued to encompass the church/body. These were all tied together with a manipulation and distortion of the Word.

So what was I left with? A fear of the ministry, a lack of trust in other believers, a dislike, fear, mistrust and feelings of confusion towards God and His word.

How do you just "get over" something like that? What tools does one use? All the sources one would normally turn to, have in the past been sources of abuse.

Perhaps it is different when one has been taught and nuturted in a healthy spiritual environment and then has a "bad experience", but when one is "born" into an abusive church it is not that easy to overcome. Then you are equipped with a defective filter. Even when you hear "truth" it is filtered through the distorted and twisted foundation that was first built.

I have been out of the bad environment for over 3 years and it has only been in the past month that I have begun to make progress. Because I have only now gotten a clear picture of Jesus. My view of Him was so distorted that there was no peace or joy in my walk, for I was serving a God that I despised, feared and had so much anger towards. I found Him capricious, arbitrarily cruel, demanding, domineering and a spiritual blackmailer.

(Anyone interested in reading about how that change, it is posted here: http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...6&postcount=23 )

Now that I have rebuilt my foundation, I can begin to deal with the other things.

But to be honest, it's very much a two steps forward, one step back process. Especially when it comes to church, Pastors and the Bible. They were the things that were used to distort my image of God.

[Subdued]

Originally Posted by Steve Epley

Some folks wear abuse like a badge it gives them an excuse to live lawless lives not accountable to anyone. And some no doubt have been abused we were in an abusive situation but you get over it and go on with life. Hurt is a horrible thing especially given by someone we loved and trusted but it does not have to become terminal. ALL bitterness starts with a real or percieved hurt. How you deal with will determine your life HERE and in the world to come. If you have been abused my advise forgive and get over it quit feeding and nourishing it. Life is too short to live an embittered life blaming someone else for all your failures and disappointments. We live in a day of victims God has never intended us to be victims but victors. Give your hurts to Jesus he heals the wound spirits and go on with God and life.

True enough; but you, yourself, said it took you "years" to get over abuse. You had to go through a process of healing, I assume.

[Actaeon]

I wonder, is allowing a child to indulge himself in eating all and everything he so desires without trying to guide him into a healthy diet an abuse? Is his obesity a sign of abuse? And is the child that is given his way in everything in life because of the risk of a temper traumatic display if not allowed to do as he pleases. Is his, later in life, prison uniform a sign of past abuse? One wonders, can abuse be not just dis-allowance but can it also be allowance?

[Steve Epley]

Originally Posted by Subdued

True enough; but you, yourself, said it took you "years" to get over abuse. You had to go through a process of healing, I assume.

It did because I nursed and fed the stupid thing. I hope someone would learn from my stupidity.
Quit feeding the thing, refuse to discuss it, refuse to meditate on it, get up and go on with life it is too short to waste on folks who could care less they hurt you. The ones who hurt you are enjoying life they are not worrying how they hurt you.
Go get a banana split or chocolate sundae and find someone to laugh with.

Some said "life is to short to dance with an ugly woman."

Enjoy the people who love you and forget those who could care less.