I think they're doing the right thing, difficult though it may be. What a terrible situation to be in...
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"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
Without reading the article and just going on what's said in this thread so far, I'd admit there is no way I could give up a child I was carrying, even after finding out that it wasn't mine.
Now, I might agree to sharing parenthood (not child support or anything like that), if they wanted to see the child, but there would be an understanding that I AM MOTHER and what I say, goes.
OTOH, if the situation was reversed, there is no way I could take my biological child away from someone due to a mistake such as that. I'd want to see the child if they'd allow, but I'd also understand that THEY ARE THE PARENTS and what they say, goes.
But then again, I'm speaking as a person not in this situation.
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I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
If it were my first, especially, it would be VERY difficult to give the child up. I would contend that the child is mine because, no matter whose genetic material was used, it was my body that provided nourishment and life. I say this even more so because IVF is probably a last effort in fertility treatments.
If it was my fourth and their first, I'd be more apt to give them the child, especially if it was their first.
In these couples' situations I'd make sure that clinic paid for all six kids' college-through masters degrees!
The couple carrying the child will not be able to have more. They will hire a surrogate to carry a child for themselves. The other couple didn't even necessarily want another child. This was a frozen embryo from a previous IVF. I would have fought to keep the child in those circumstances.
so I'm wondering, Kristian's Mom, what would you have done in these people shoes?
There is no wrong answer here, by the way. Cuz I have NO idea what I would have done.
Would it have made a difference if the baby you were carrying was going to be your FIRST child instead of your fourth??
We did one invitro attempt when we were trying to conceive. I know that I would have been devastated if I had been these people. But I don't honestly know if I could have given it back to them or not. I wonder how the court would rule in a case like this??
It's hard to know how I would feel unless it was me actually going through it, but I think it is the right thing to do, to give the baby to his biological parents. But I would want to somehow be involved in the child's life, known as an Aunt or something like that.
It definitely would be different if the kid was older. What if they had found out when he was like 2 years old? In that case, someone would have to kill me before they could take my kid away even if he wasn't mine biologically. The bond really does grow deeper over time.
I can't say how I would feel if it was my second or third kid, because I only have one son. I can say though, that I am glad I am not in their situation.
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Be content with what you have, for God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid." Hebrews 13:5,6
Love is patient, love is kind, Love does not insist on its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things,
Hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
- I Corinthians 13:4-8
I'd like to know how they plan to explain this to this child as he grows up? "Oh by the way, Johnny, I'm your mom, but I didn't give birth to you. And no, you weren't adopted. That wasn't necessary because you really are our child. Of course, we didn't plan to have you. But since you were implanted in another lady, we ended up with you. And now we're so glad you are here."
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???????????
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Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of a battle ! ! ! !
I'd like to know how they plan to explain this to this child as he grows up? "Oh by the way, Johnny, I'm your mom, but I didn't give birth to you. And no, you weren't adopted. That wasn't necessary because you really are our child. Of course, we didn't plan to have you. But since you were implanted in another lady, we ended up with you. And now we're so glad you are here."
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???????????
The child is still their biological child, cared for by them by birth, no matter who carried him to birth. No matter how the child is birthed, he is 100% the child of the second couple, biologically speaking, and from a parenting perspective.
It's no different than having a surrogate carry a child for a mother whose body isn't able to sustain a pregnancy. The child still belongs to the biological parents; someone else just helped out with the pregnancy.
Since these parents did have embryos set aside, I would say they were planning to have the baby, even though it wasn't right away. Lots of parents don't "plan" a pregnancy; that doesn't mean the child isn't welcomed and loved when it arrives.
__________________
"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
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