Funny Twitter/ Facebook Status messages

[Pressing-On]

Kill a man with mercury poisoning and he'll never need fish again. - Anastasia

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Timmy

George Takei's comment: "Arachnophobia. Even in their neck of the woods."

Saw that on Pinterest.

[RandyWayne]

More quotes from Karl:

"That's the problem with them fables, they're putting animals together that wouldn't meet. I don't know where a scorpion is knockin' around with a frog."

"I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff."

"It's just easier to put stuff off once we've got this calendar, whereas if we didnt have a date you'd have to do everythin' straight away"

"Say if I was in charge and someone said that buildin' needs knockin' down, it's dangerous, if we didn't have a calendar we'd go 'erm let's do it now then.' Whereas cos we've got a calendar it's easy to say...'next Wednesday'"

"As long as you're rememberin' baby Jesus, does it matter when you're rememberin' 'im"[Karl on how he hates Christmas being the same date each year]

[On the Elephant Man]
“The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching.”

[RandyWayne]

"But hummus. When did that happen?...but there's a restaurant down the road that that's all they do. That is isn't a proper meal, that's a side-order innit? That's like having a restaurant just floggin' tomato ketchup. Hummus isn't a meal. They don't even try and kid ya to get you in to flog you just hummus, they actually say "Oh it's hummus today." Not gonna work, they shut down within a month."

"They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?"

"Any problem solved is a new problem made."

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

"But hummus. When did that happen?...but there's a restaurant down the road that that's all they do. That is isn't a proper meal, that's a side-order innit? That's like having a restaurant just floggin' tomato ketchup. Hummus isn't a meal. They don't even try and kid ya to get you in to flog you just hummus, they actually say "Oh it's hummus today." Not gonna work, they shut down within a month."

Too funny! My daughter and I were eating Garlic Hummus with Nut-Thins the other day for lunch.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Saw that on Pinterest.

Hilarious

[Pressing-On]

I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not from Oklahoma. - Texas Humor

[Pressing-On]

Cindy!

Another cold front? This is Texas. Not Alaska! It's almost May. It should be 103 degrees by 9 AM. - Texas Humor

Right?!

[OnTheFritz]

Pilkington is awesome. I have those podcasts and old XFM broadcasts practically memorized.

[Pressing-On]

Just read this today.

2 cars crashed in Mexico, 60 dead.