I love how we all want to tell people the fix though, instead of relating to their pain. I've been through this. I WAS a primary leader. I "knew." But I didn't really. I didn't realize how ugly the whole ordeal could be. I got plenty of crotch kicks by people like Ferd. Insensitive, skeptical remarks. For some reason, I had to have a full jury to explain my situation. It was ALL MY FAULT. I was given good advice on how to go forward, and I had to be reminded from time to time, because the pain of the situation was sometimes overwhelming. God had to remind me I wasn't alone. Everyone was so defensive for this church. Even those who were trying to help, there was always some slant and inquisition about things.
I just find it outrageous to start off a response to this brother with "You are silly. I don't believe you. Man up."
Yeah...Ferd isn't known for his sensitivity. You should read what he posted when I announced we had a litter of puppies born (of an abandoned stray) on our property!
__________________
"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
Feelings are involuntary--but you can plan your reaction in advance.
Feelings are NOT involuntary. My dad dies tomorrow and I'm sad. You tell me my feelings are just voluntary. Go ahead. Circumstances press our feelings often. What is controllable is how deep and long we let those feelings help us or hurt us. Often times feelings are a gift to us. They help us.
Yes... we all know this is RIGHT and makes sense. I could have given myself the counsel that some gave me. I knew the response, the rhetoric. The nice pats on the back to "well, just pray." That's all shallow and empty when you're in the throws of a fire bigger than you've ever faced.
Amazing. So plan your feelings in advance... Be careful which brother here you decide to tell. They will give you a crotch kick and tell you to man up, that is, if they even believe you.
I think the truth here Jeffery is that our friend got about 5 sides of his equasion to look at.
I suspect that if nineteentwentytwoeightyone (was that my old locker room combo?) is honest with himself the sum total of this thread (me being harsh included) helped!
dont ever forget that the fire that refines also burns.
__________________ If I do something stupid blame the Lortab!
Time works wonders, 192281. Ferd is right--you have to expect some measure of shock and dismay on their part. Especially if you've taught them the same things you may now be giving up.
Instead of dwelling on negative reactions, go out of your way to maintain positive relationships.
I know that if one of my friends left to go to another church, it wouldn't feel good to me. Even if I agreed with their reasons, it would still be upsetting. If I didn't agree with their reasons and felt they were on the wrong track, it would be devastating. So try not to take things so personally--and just be polite.
Feelings are NOT involuntary. My dad dies tomorrow and I'm sad. You tell me my feelings are just voluntary. Go ahead. Circumstances press our feelings often. What is controllable is how deep and long we let those feelings help us or hurt us. Often times feelings are a gift to us. They help us.
Huh? Most feelings ARE involuntary. We don't control our initial emotions, most of the time.
Quote:
Yes... we all know this is RIGHT and makes sense. I could have given myself the counsel that some gave me. I knew the response, the rhetoric. The nice pats on the back to "well, just pray." That's all shallow and empty when you're in the throws of a fire bigger than you've ever faced.
I've been in that same fire. What worked for me...eventually...was putting it all in God's hands and choosing to forgive the people who had wounded me. It was a long process (7-8 years), but eventually He worked it out, and I didn't have to. Does that mean I never felt hurt or angry? No--of course I felt those things. I did do my best to keep my own nose clean, and it paid off in the long run. Returning evil for evil is not the best salve for a broken heart.
__________________
"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
I think the truth here Jeffery is that our friend got about 5 sides of his equasion to look at.
I suspect that if nineteentwentytwoeightyone (was that my old locker room combo?) is honest with himself the sum total of this thread (me being harsh included) helped!
dont ever forget that the fire that refines also burns.
Oh yes. You are such a great help.
You be the fire and trial in everyone's life. We will all praise and thank you later.
Time works wonders, 192281. Ferd is right--you have to expect some measure of shock and dismay on their part. Especially if you've taught them the same things you may now be giving up.
Instead of dwelling on negative reactions, go out of your way to maintain positive relationships.
I know that if one of my friends left to go to another church, it wouldn't feel good to me. Even if I agreed with their reasons, it would still be upsetting. If I didn't agree with their reasons and felt they were on the wrong track, it would be devastating. So try not to take things so personally--and just be polite.
MissPalindrome, would you go another step and think that they are lost or even worse say it to others? I hope that you wouldn't. No one knows what is going on in a persons heart/mind. Sometimes one has to fake until they make it, but faking it can become reality if the fake is on too long. You can fake yourself into thinking things are great then one day you wake up and you are not the same authentic person you should have stayed.
I was a youth pastor and the leadership asked me to teach about standards and I told them that it wasn't my job but the parents job to do. My job as a youth pastor is to echo what the parents teach. The fact is that we should be forever learning and seeking God for answers in our lives. If God leads someone away who are we to argue with God, right?
__________________
"If we don't learn to live together we're gonna die alone"
Jack Shephard.
Huh? Most feelings ARE involuntary. We don't control our initial emotions, most of the time.
I've been in that same fire. What worked for me...eventually...was putting it all in God's hands and choosing to forgive the people who had wounded me. It was a long process (7-8 years), but eventually He worked it out, and I didn't have to. Does that mean I never felt hurt or angry? No--of course I felt those things. I did do my best to keep my own nose clean, and it paid off in the long run. Returning evil for evil is not the best salve for a broken heart.
Exactly! I know what worked. He helped me through it too! But I also know how helpless someone can feel in the moment. I've never said he should return anyting with evil, so where did you interject that from?
Regarding emotions, I guess I disagree. The whole "mood is a choice" has some truth, but read about color and music pyschology, there's plenty of subconcsious factors at work about our subconscious mood. It's a choice once I'm aware. Ever been angry and lashed out? A few moments into the lashing you realized you were being an idiot then you changed your approach? That's a choice.
But feeling shocked and bothered by people rejecting you isn't some negative mood. It's a reality. And we should be more than willing to bear one another's burdens.
Most feelings ARE involuntary. We don't control our initial emotions, most of the time. 
Linear Mode
