From the Inbox - Page 13

AmazingGrace · #**121** 09-24-2007, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tina

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really ticked.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway
that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

HADDOCK · #**122** 09-24-2007, 01:16 PM

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

HADDOCK · #**123** 09-24-2007, 01:19 PM

Shake It Off
One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was too old and the well needed to be covered anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

tamor · #**124** 09-24-2007, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tina

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really ticked.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway
that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

BBBWWWAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Tina · #**125** 09-25-2007, 02:28 PM

Who Are You Attached To?
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
—Hebrews 12:1-3

In college, a group of us decided we would go sky diving. All we needed to do was show up in the morning, sign a stack of paperwork accepting responsibility for our actions, watch a 30-minute instructional video, go through a few safety rules with an instructor, and, we would be up in the air and jumping out of a plane within an hour.

Everything went as planned, and by the early afternoon, I was in a plane with a professional sky diver attached to me like a backpack. It is called a tandem jump. Our turn came and out of the plane we went. It was amazing. Never have I had a better view of the Rocky Mountains or a better flight. As we plummeted towards the ground, the time came to pull the parachute. The rip chord was pulled and we immediately went from falling fast to floating slowly to our landing.

There are times in our lives when we start feeling out of control, plummeting quicker and quicker into sin, temptation and trouble. The key is, when you get out of control in your life, make sure you have others around you who can pull your rip chord. It can be hard sometimes to see the red flags in our own lives. In the Old Testament, the Lord sent judges to remind the people to turn from their evil ways. In the New Testament, Jesus comes and tells us to slow down and focus on what is real and important. He then trains His disciples to share His message with the rest of the world. What a gift the Lord gave us in putting other people in our lives who can not only walk with us, but guide us.

Who are you attached to? When you start falling, do you have people around you who can help slow you down and pick you up? Or do you have people in your life who simply aid you in falling further and faster until you hit rock bottom? Your choice of who accompanies you in life’s journey can make all the difference in the world!

Tina · #**126** 09-27-2007, 12:26 PM

Planting Seeds
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden

Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop -- a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."—Matthew 13:3-8

During the summer, I spoke at a camp at which I have been both a camper and a staff member. Upon arrival, I was greeted by some old faces, one of which was a squirrelly 6th grader who was now going to be a sophomore in high school. One afternoon, a group of us were reminiscing about past years at camp when this young man mentioned that he remembered something I had said at a seminar four years prior. Expecting him to say something sarcastic, I asked him what it was. “You told a story about getting cut from a team and someone told you, ‘It is not how far you fall, but how high you bounce back up that matters.’ I’ll never forget that,” he said.

Rarely in our lives do we get an opportunity to know how we have affected another. I felt so encouraged to know that someone was actually paying attention four years before! But mostly, it was a reminder to me. Each one of us has the ability to plant seeds. We have the ability to plant positive seeds that can bear fruit for the kingdom and negative seeds that can crush spirits. There are times that I am sure I have missed opportunities, but this was a great reminder that you never know who is really listening.

Each one of us is an example to others around us and, as such, we must be conscious of what type of seeds we are planting. More often than not, you will not know whether you have affected someone positively or negatively or at all. We should never do anything looking for awards, praise or accolades. But as Tim encouraged me, I know it is my place now to encourage someone else: The person who originally shared that quote with me ten years ago.

Today, remember those people who have made a difference in your life. If possible, thank them for the legacy they have handed down to you.

Tina · #**127** 10-02-2007, 07:53 AM

You know, you get things in your email sometimes that you wonder if they really happened. As I was reading this, I laughed till I had tears rolling down my face. This is just so believable... to anyone who's a MOM...

~~~~

Potty Stop

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does
it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the
library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.

People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a
just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the
volume. It's always fully cranked.

There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning
of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice,
but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with
me into the restroom.

If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom
that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second
to the last stall:
"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on
the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy,
what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the
bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we
could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this
stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a
good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the
potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh .. Mommy! I'm trying to see
in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna
get some candy!"

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This
was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time
before exiting.

Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and
see if you can find some candy We'll both have some!" "No, I'm trying to
see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh
oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me
frow up!! Dat is so gross!!"

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I
quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to
reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four
flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this
embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

"Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off.
Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet
outside my door.

"Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What
were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?"
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
situation.

"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy."
He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your
hands? I want to go out!!"

I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened
the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies
crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, "Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my
dignity and privacy?" But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while
he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

AmazingGrace · #**128** 10-02-2007, 07:58 AM

OH MY LORD!!! How totally embarrassing but funny! LOVE IT!!!!

Tina · #**129** 10-02-2007, 08:04 AM

The email that I received this in wouldn't let me copy the calendar page, it would only let me take the text from the email.

Prayer Calendar
1
SALVATION
Lord, I pray that I will obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.
2 Timothy 2:10

2
GOD'S GRACE
I pray that I may grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
2 Peter 3:18

3
LOVE
Father, grant that I will learn to live a life of love, through the Spirit who lives in me.
Ephesians 5:2

4
INTEGRITY
Lord, may integrity and uprightness protect me because my hope is in you.
Psalm 25:21

5
SELF-CONTROL
Father, help me not be like many others, but to be alert and self-controlled in all they do.
1 Thessalonians 5:6

6
LOVE FOR GOD'S WORD
Lord, may I regard your Word as more precious than gold and sweeter than honey.
Psalm 19:10

7
JUSTICE
God, help me to love justice as You do and act justly in all I do.
Psalm 11:7 & Micah 6:8

8
MERCY
Oh Father, grant that I would be full of mercy and compassion as you are, Lord.
James 5:11

9
RESPECT
Lord, help me to show proper respect to everyone, as your Word commands.
1 Peter 2:17

10
SELF-ESTEEM
God, help me develop a strong self-esteem rooted in the realization that I am Your workmanship.
Ephesians 2:10

11
FAITHFULNESS
Let faithfulness never leave me, but bind this virtue around my neck.
Proverbs 3:3

12
COURAGE
Lord, may I always be strong and courageous in my character and my actions.
Deuteronomy 31:6

13
PURITY
Create in me pure hearts, O God, and let that purity of heart be shown in my life.
Psalm 51:10

14
KINDNESS
Father, I pray that I would be kind to others and good to everyone.
1 Thessalonians 5:15

15
GENEROSITY
Lord, I pray I will be rich in good deeds, generous and willing to share.
1 Timothy 6:18

16
PEACE LOVING
Father God, help me make every effort to do what leads to peace.
Romans 14:19

17
JOY
Heavenly Father, grant that I will be filled with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.
1 Thessalonians 1:6

18
PERSEVERANCE
Lord, teach me to persevere in all I do, and help me to run with perseverance the race set before me.
Hebrews 12:1

19
HUMILITY
God, please cultivate in me the ability to show true humility toward all.
Titus 3:2

20
COMPASSION
Holy Father, I pray that You would clothe me with the virtue of compassion.
Colossians 3:12

21
RESPONSIBILITY
Lord grant that I would learn to be responsible, for each one of us should carry his own load.
Galatians 6:5

22
CONTENTMENT
Father, teach me the secret of being content in every situation, through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:12-13

23
FAITH
Lord, help me to fight the good fight of faith, taking hold of the eternal life to which I am called.
1 Timothy 6:12

24
A SERVANT'S HEART
God, help me develop a servant heart, that I may serve wholeheartedly.
Ephesians 6:7

25
HOPE
God of hope, grant that I may overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

26
PATIENCE
God, strengthen me with all power, so that I may have great endurance and patience.
Galatians 5:22

27
PASSION FOR THE LORD
Lord, I pray my soul would pant for you as the deer pants for streams of water.
Psalm 42:1

28
WISDOM
Father, I pray I would ask and that you would generously give wisdom to me as you promise.
James 1:5

29
PRAYERFULNESS
I ask that I will be committed to prayer, and not faint, lose heart or give up.
Luke 18:1

30
GRATITUDE
Lord, help me to live a life that over-flow with thankfulness, always giving thanks to You.
Ephesians 5:20

31
BOLDNESS
I pray that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel of Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 6:19 Prayer Changes Things!

Tina · #**130** 10-02-2007, 08:08 AM

To all fellow Mommy's this will make you think! Always remember to show loved ones that you do care and love them!

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
"What's wrong, are you well," she asked?
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded. "Just the two of us."
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her
House, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat
On. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last
Wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go
Out with my son, and they were impressed," she said,as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear
About our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only real large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation- -nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you" I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two
Plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

~~~

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby.... Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct .... Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring .... Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"....somebody thinks a child comes with
Directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices ... Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.... Somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first .... Somebody doesn't have two children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books.... Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery....somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten ... or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ...Somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married....somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home....somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her.... somebody isn't a mother.

Pass this along to all the "mothers" in your life and to everyone who ever had a mother. This isn't just about being a mother; it's about appreciating the people in your life while you have them....no matter who that person is.