Let me give you a little history into my back round. I was raised in a UPC church. Very strict! Pastor was my uncle. When we walked out of his door just like his kids we were examined as to skirt length sleeves and tops. My mother was a youth leader Sunday school teacher and bus ministry leader. Sounds like the perfect place to grow up huh?
on the other hand.
My dad was an alcoholic and drug addict/dealer. When my mom and dad split up my world split up. I had every chance to choose which lifestyle I was going to live. At my dads house you could get a can of coke or a tin of Coke out of his icebox. Under every bed and couch was a box of marijuana and any pills you could imagine. My momma (before church) would wake up to speed and go to sleep on downers and smoke a 1/2 bag a day and 3 pks of cigs.
When I was 5 my aunt started taking me to church. Momma actually was a backslider. She got tired of hearing what a wonderful woman my Sunday school teacher was and came to church to show her how much she didn't appreciate her taking her daughter away from her.
Needless to say she ended up in church.
Now my husband grew up in a family where there was never conflict. The loved the Lord worked in the church and spent alto of time together as a family. The church was a good place with people who loved them and they loved and worked as a complete unit together.
are you seeing the differences in the way we were raised? lol
Momma started dating when I was about in 4th grade and I was soon pushed off to the side while she raised his kids and fell in love. Tired of being alone and the struggle of making ends meet the got married when I was about 15Then that is where the real troubles began. I pretty much lived by myself from 16-18. My mother and my step father fought alot. Usually about the kids. Her kid and his blood. They would live together for about 3 months and then I would be awoken in the middle of the night of screams we have to get out of here he is going to kill me!!! so I would get up in my jammies and run to the car to the shelter of our house. Yes she still had her house from previous marriage. Eventually I got tired of the morning alarm clock and decided I'm just staying home. I didn't want to live there anyways. She couldn't spend a penny with out having to explain where it went even though she worked and made it herself. Money was ok to spend as long as it was what he had approved. They had separate accounts and what was his was his and she had nothing. (except her house and car.) I would live with them or with her and when I got in the way which was often...
then I would be shipped off to stay with my grandmother or my uncle who was a preacher. so I decided to live in my mothers house and raise myself. It seemed so much easier then moving every three months to move back in, in a month.
While I lived alone I wasn't allowed to have a car and she wasn't suppose to support me in any way. If I wouldn't live in his house then I could do it myself. 16 yrs old remember. Of course she did buy me food and help me and remember she was back every couple months anyways lol We had a tough life.
Then one day my cousin called and told me about these guys who were really in church. So to my Uncles (pastor) I went met D4T and we got married a year later.
There is so much I could tell you about my life... Soap Opera City man lol But if you looked at us on the outside we were NOT compatible!!! He had the perfect life with no conflict and my life was nothing but conflict.
I was very outgoing and spunky said what I thought an my most common phrases were I DON'T CARE!!! and WHATEVER!
My answer to most comments were I hate it!...
an my wonderful husband would tell me (when we were dating) with a smile on his face... then you don't have
IT. I would look at him at first and say what? then he would sing cause
IT makes ya wanna love everybody.... I would roll my eyes and smile and we would laugh together. There were alot of things in my personality that he has helped me to change. I'm not as pointed with my words and I have a tendency to think before I speak but it took years and lots of patience on both of our parts. There are aspects of my life that I have taught him to stand up for himself and not be run over cause "everyones out to get you" LOL
And aspects of his life that have taught me to sit down and be silent because "everyone isn't out to get me" Its a give and take thing and a daily learning of what is good and what is not.
He has given me peace, consistent love, and a wonderful home and family. When we were dating we went through a hard time when I had to leave TX and come back to Louisiana. He sold everything and come to La to be with me. I gave him a card that said thanx for not going away. I have to admit I still send him cards that say thanks for not going away. I had been tossed aside all my life for other things and people. No one ever really cared about me unless I was useful. And D4T was the first person in my life to believe in me an not throw me away for anyone or anything.
I said all this to say this that even if your not compatible you can make a marriage work and work well. You just have to get over your past hurts and stupid personality quirks. LOL
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