From the Inbox

[tamor]

THE BLONDE AND THE LORD

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut a hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, " IS THAT YOU LORD? "


The voice replied, "NO..... THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

[Tina]

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C. has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States. If nothing is there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice.

[Tina]

Fellowship: A Necessary Ingredient
This devotional was written by Jim Burns

Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
—Hebrews 10:24, 25

The Bible calls the church "the bride of Christ…" God loves the church even with all of her inconsistencies. I honestly believe that you cannot be all God intends you to be without experiencing the intimate fellowship that the church has to offer. The church is not a place for you to come, sit, and be entertained. You are a part of the church. You have a job. The church is like a lifesaving station, and this story helps me get a better perspective of what the church of Jesus Christ is all about and what my role in the church should be. On a dangerous seacoast where shipwrecks often occur there was once a crude little lifesaving station. The building was just a hut, and there was only one boat, but the few devoted members kept a constant watch over the sea, and with no thought for themselves, went out day and night tirelessly searching for the lost. Some of those who were saved, and various others in the surrounding area, wanted to become associated with the station and give of their time and money and effort for the support of its work. New boats were bought and new crews trained. The little lifesaving station grew.

Some of the members of the lifesaving station were unhappy that the building was so crude and poorly equipped. They felt that a more comfortable place should be provided as the first refuge of those saved from the sea. They replaced the emergency cots with beds and put better furniture in the enlarged building. Now the lifesaving station became a popular gathering place for its members, and they decorated it beautifully and furnished it exquisitely, because they used it as a sort of club. Fewer members were now interested in going to sea on lifesaving missions, so they hired lifeboat crews to do this work. The lifesaving motif still prevailed in this club's decoration, and there was a liturgical lifeboat in the room where the club initiations were held.

About this time a large ship was wrecked off the coast, and the hired crews brought in boatloads of cold, wet, and half drowned people. They were dirty and sick. The beautiful new club was in chaos. So the property committee immediately had a shower house built outside the club where victims of shipwreck could be cleaned up before coming inside.

At the next meeting, there was a split in the club membership. Most of the members wanted to stop the club's lifesaving activities as being unpleasant and a hindrance to the normal social life of the club. Some members insisted upon lifesaving as their primary purpose and pointed out that they were still called a lifesaving station. But they were finally voted down and told that if they wanted to save lives of all the various kinds of people who were shipwrecked in those waters, they could begin their own lifesaving station down the coast. They did.

As the years went by, the new station experienced the same changes that had occurred in the old. It evolved into a club, and yet another lifesaving station was founded. History continued to repeat itself, and if you visit that seacoast today, you will find a number of exclusive clubs along that shore. Shipwrecks are frequent in those waters, but most of the people drown.*

[tamor]

Originally Posted by Tina

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C. has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States. If nothing is there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice.

[Tina]

Stupid People....


I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I
Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the
money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back ..
same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.



I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon
for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a
little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already
buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free"
She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.




One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one
of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked Up at the
sky and said, "Where"?




While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate
agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't
want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the
sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun
rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head
and said, "Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."



I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One
day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call
center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open
24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern
or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."



My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.




I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went
to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags
never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now,"
she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"





While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza
to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked Him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces."



Yep, They Walk Among Us!

and they Reproduce,

and .......they Vote!

[Tina]

What Business Are You In - Construction or Demolition?
This devotional was written by Jim Liebelt

Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life.—Proverbs 18:21 NLT

Recently, I saw the video of an old stadium somewhere being demolished. It was the kind of demolition where a team of experts strategically place explosives and set them off in a quick series of explosions. The stadium collapses on itself in a matter of seconds. I’m sure you’ve seen video of buildings being destroyed in this way. It is pretty amazing that it takes only a moment to destroy what took months or years to plan and build.

These video scenes reminded me that people’s words have the ability to build or destroy. By the use of our words we can either be in the “construction” or “demolition” business. With our words, we can build up other people over a lifetime. Or, in a moment – using strategically placed verbal explosions – we can destroy others.

My wife works in a high-rise building in downtown Seattle called the Washington Mutual Tower. Some high-rise buildings are rather plain and unimpressive. Not this building. When I look at that building, I think about the careful planning that went into the design and how it took the patient and hard work of human hands to create one of the most recognizable buildings of the Seattle skyline. Although I’m not an expert on building architecture, I have to say this building is beautiful.

Obviously, God calls His people to be in the “construction” business. With careful planning, patience and intentional hard work, each of us has the opportunity through our words to encourage and build up others so that they can fulfill the potential of becoming all that God has designed them to be. The result is a person of inner quality and beauty.

So, which business are you in: construction or demolition? The words you use with others will reflect your choice.

[Tina]

1. Open a new file on the desktop of your PC .
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly ...
7. Feel better?

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've
used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it
was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even
better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine
on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring
husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and
generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led
to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new
white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach
alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the
stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the
detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests
on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and
said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the
disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without
being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having
a great product.

Well, gotta go... have to write to the Hefty bag people.

[tamor]

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the
disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go... have to write to the Hefty bag people.

LOL!! I've read this before, but it's a keeper. I love it!!

[Tina]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really ticked.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway
that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.