The Village idioT - Page 11

Esther · #**101** 02-04-2008, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cneasttx

I did however once corner a copperhead snake in my kitchen and try to kill it with a pickle jar. Took about 5 minutes for it to die.

Why so long? He didn't like pickle juice?

Nahum · #**102** 02-04-2008, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephen Hoover

OK, This is the place to share something stupid you have done.

This is a chance to laugh at yourself a bit - AND - allow others to join in!

ME FIRST

Well... we had this ice storm about a month ago... major ice!

The stuff was about 1/2" thick! All my cars are parked outside in the drive, and I was trying to figure the best method for removing the ice...

So, I get my rubber mallet...

Just thump the ice a couple times and it pops right off! I really got into it. In about 30 minutes I had cleared three vehicles.

So..... about a week later I started noticing what appeared to be hail damage on the minivan...

Closer inspection shows the hailstorm got ALL THREE VEHICLES!!

WHAT AN IDIOT!!!

After review, I have come to the conclusion that you might be a redneck.

Esther · #**103** 02-04-2008, 02:58 PM

I took my then 8 year old niece with me to Walmart and when we came out I was going to my brand new red Mountaineer. I kept hitting the remote unlock and it wasn't working.

I then tried the key and it wouldn't work either.

I looked inside and didn't remember leaving anything in my new car. But my husband has many caps and thought maybe he left it.

My niece ask me whats wrong with my keys? I dont' know.

I look up and over and there is another red car "like" mine. I get to looking at the one I am trying to open and discover it was an Explorer.

So we go to the next one and it is mine.

A couple of weeks later she is with me and as we are walking to MY car she says "Mimi are you going to try and open someone's else like you did the other day?"

Oh, they never forget anything~!

Esther · #**104** 02-05-2008, 11:21 AM

I didn't mean to overwhelm you good folks and shut this thread down.

Carry on...

dizzyde · #**105** 02-05-2008, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esther

I took my then 8 year old niece with me to Walmart and when we came out I was going to my brand new red Mountaineer. I kept hitting the remote unlock and it wasn't working.

I then tried the key and it wouldn't work either.

I looked inside and didn't remember leaving anything in my new car. But my husband has many caps and thought maybe he left it.

My niece ask me whats wrong with my keys? I dont' know.

I look up and over and there is another red car "like" mine. I get to looking at the one I am trying to open and discover it was an Explorer.

So we go to the next one and it is mine.

A couple of weeks later she is with me and as we are walking to MY car she says "Mimi are you going to try and open someone's else like you did the other day?"

Oh, they never forget anything~!

Kids are the greatest for embarrassing us!!! If you ever do anything silly and you have a child with you, you can be sure that everyone else you know is going to find out about it!!

LadyChocolate · #**106** 02-05-2008, 11:39 AM

Okay, time for me to tell how cool and stunning I am:

As a 17 year old senior in high school, I had the privilege of going out for lunch. I had to run by the bank and here is where it took place.

There I was, in a Mercury Marquis, similiar to the 1990 model. (totally not cool)! Well, I happen to look over and there were a couple of guys in a truck next to me. Oh, they were so cute! I noticed they were looking my way! Well, I figured I would let them no that I thought they were cute. I received my money and looked over at these adorably, cute guys......slowly put on my sunglasses......put my car in drive and looked over my shoulder one more time at these hunks....and then I drove right over the curb with not just my front tire, but my back tire also! I could not get out of there fast enough! Was my face ever red!!!!!!!!!!!! *gasp* woe to them who think they are something! LOL

LadyChocolate · #**107** 02-05-2008, 12:58 PM

Ok! My husband and I were preaching for a friend and I always get nervous around people I dont' know... Okay? Picture it:

I was trying to show myself friendly and meet new people. I hate standing alone at a visiting church and I have noticed that people around here have a hard time going out of their way to include visitors. Well, I began talking to another minister's wife. She was young and we had talked on two other occasions...but that was it. Well, we were talking about a specific place. I went to tell her we were passing through Fort Ripley... My mind was elsewhere, I was looking for my children and I became tongue tied.... So I told her, "Yeah, we were passing through FART Ripley" Oh my word... I was so embarrassed! The sad thing was that I kept trying to correct myself and kept saying Fart Ripley.... She acted as if she didn't even notice!

I shut up and moved along to find my children!

y'all must know you are special.... since I shared that with you! (another reason my identity will remain a mystery

)

Esther · #**108** 02-05-2008, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyChocolate

Okay, time for me to tell how cool and stunning I am:

As a 17 year old senior in high school, I had the privilege of going out for lunch. I had to run by the bank and here is where it took place.

There I was, in a Mercury Marquis, similiar to the 1990 model. (totally not cool)! Well, I happen to look over and there were a couple of guys in a truck next to me. Oh, they were so cute! I noticed they were looking my way! Well, I figured I would let them no that I thought they were cute. I received my money and looked over at these adorably, cute guys......slowly put on my sunglasses......put my car in drive and looked over my shoulder one more time at these hunks....and then I drove right over the curb with not just my front tire, but my back tire also! I could not get out of there fast enough! Was my face ever red!!!!!!!!!!!! *gasp* woe to them who think they are something! LOL

I fully understand.

My Mom was one for going from one grocery store to the next to get all the sales. Well Kroger had their sugar on sale and she wanted me to go get it while she and my sister picked up a few other things.

I was 17 and the boy filling the shelves with sugar was maybe 18 or 19 and without thinking I told him I needed some sugar.

After I realize what I said AFTER he turned red we both were red, and I took the sugar and left.

Guess who decided to take our groceries out?

My Mom laughed about that everytime we went to that store!

dizzyde · #**109** 02-05-2008, 01:14 PM

This isn't my "idiot story" but it is still pretty funny.

Years ago we had a young evangelist and his wife come through, after service one night they came back to our house.

We were all sitting around joking and laughing, and we got to talking about funny names. My mother has a very distinctive name, which apparently neither the young preacher or his wife had ever heard.

Just for meanness sake, my dad threw out my moms name into the mix. They laughed a lot and then the wife really started going off about my moms name, saying lots of very funny things about it.

All the while, my family was laughing so hard we were choking, I thought my dad was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. It slowly began to dawn on the young couple that we were laughing a bit harder than necessary for the situation.

The preacher said, slowly, to my mother, "that is your name, isn't it"?

They eventually forgave us.

dizzyde · #**110** 02-05-2008, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyChocolate

Ok! My husband and I were preaching for a friend and I always get nervous around people I dont' know... Okay? Picture it:

I was trying to show myself friendly and meet new people. I hate standing alone at a visiting church and I have noticed that people around here have a hard time going out of their way to include visitors. Well, I began talking to another minister's wife. She was young and we had talked on two other occasions...but that was it. Well, we were talking about a specific place. I went to tell her we were passing through Fort Ripley... My mind was elsewhere, I was looking for my children and I became tongue tied.... So I told her, "Yeah, we were passing through FART Ripley" Oh my word... I was so embarrassed! The sad thing was that I kept trying to correct myself and kept saying Fart Ripley.... She acted as if she didn't even notice!

I shut up and moved along to find my children!

y'all must know you are special.... since I shared that with you! (another reason my identity will remain a mystery

)

That is hilarious, I hate it when you get stuck in a situation that keeps going from bad to worse!! Sometimes you just have to stop and laugh at yourself!