What is Adultery?

[*AQuietPlace*]

Originally Posted by Aquila

It is a complicated subject. Perhaps this is where we should depend on the elders over him. They know him, we don't. They know things about his circumstances, we don't. They know his first wife and his new wife, we don't. They know the tears shed in counseling sessions, we don't. Maybe we should allow his elders to restore him as they feel led of the Holy Ghost and consume ourselves for praying for him and his new family.

Just a thought. What are your thoughts?

You also have to take into consideration the feelings of the people he would be leading. People need to be able to have confidence in their leaders.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

I don't think that's practical, or necessary.

Say my best friend decides my husband is fair game, and makes a serious play for him. I may forgive her, but our friendship will NEVER be restored to the place it was.

Leadership (or close friendship) is not a right, it is a privilege.

I would put it in even more practical terms. I could see you eventually restoring a semblance of friendship -perhaps even become near best friends again BUT it would be foolish to ever let her alone for any length of time with your husband again. No matter HOW "restored" your friendship becomes.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

You also have to take into consideration the feelings of the people he would be leading. People need to be able to have confidence in their leaders.

Confidence/trust AND forgiveness are VERY different things.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I always ask, why is it so important that a person always be restored to a leadership position? Or why do they have to do the exact same thing that got them in trouble in the first place? I would NEVER let my kids (and do my best to not let other kids) be with someone who had previously been a pedophile no matter how repentant they were. Likewise they shouldn't be in a position of dealing with money if they were guilty of serious mismanagement (aka, embezzlement) in the past. Why would said person insist on being "restored" to such a position if it is directly related to their past crimes?

All good points.

I think part of it has to do with our church structure. In the early church their meetings were home based and they held open meetings where everyone prophesied and everyone contributed. So most functioned in their gifts though there weren't any official "offices of leadership". However, in today's structure if this man isn't in what we'd call "leadership" his giftings and what he has to contribute to the body of Christ go unoffered. We relegate him to being an observer. For a man with a powerful gift and perhaps a powerful anointing burning inside him, that can be crushing. If he's repented, been sat down for restoration, is now married, openly counseled with his leadership, and they wish to restore him to full capacity... why not offer that second chance? Ministry, functioning as God intended him to function, may be what he needs to stand. Send him to the bull pin for the rest of his life... it might result in him loosing his soul and might bring him to the point of hopelessness over his failure that his new family suffers unnecessarily.

I vote we give a man a chance. None of us are perfect. And some of you reading my post know that you could be in his shoes... you simply weren't caught or the effects of your own sin weren't openly obvious.

We do well to administer both justice and mercy. If the man falls again... I vote we assign him a place on the pew. But I think it's fair to give him a second chance after he's satisfied his elder's requirements for restoration.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

You also have to take into consideration the feelings of the people he would be leading. People need to be able to have confidence in their leaders.

You're right. How does his church feel? They know him. They might truly desire to see him back on his feet in ministry. Not everyone feels like they can't fallow a man who has made mistakes.

While in the midst of my own divorce I'd given up ALL expectations of ever ministering again simply because I was getting a divorce. You wouldn't believe how many people laid hands on me and prayed for me that I be restored to my calling and place in ministry. In my case most would rejoice and support me whole heartedly if I was fully restored. What keeps me from pursuing is my own conviction that I have no right to minister in an official capacity in a traditional church. It's a heart wrenching struggle.

[*AQuietPlace*]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I would put it in even more practical terms. I could see you eventually restoring a semblance of friendship -perhaps even become near best friends again BUT it would be foolish to ever let her alone for any length of time with your husband again. No matter HOW "restored" your friendship becomes.

Friendly maybe, but a best friend has to be someone you trust. There might be circumstances in which the former relationship could be restored, but they are rare.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Confidence/trust AND forgiveness are VERY different things.

When you're forgiven do you strive to regain their confidence and trust in you? Just asking.

[*AQuietPlace*]

Originally Posted by Aquila

I think part of it has to do with our church structure. In the early church their meetings were home based and they held open meetings where everyone prophesied and everyone contributed. So most functioned in their gifts though there weren't any official "offices of leadership". However, in today's structure if this man isn't in what we'd call "leadership" his giftings and what he has to contribute to the body of Christ go unoffered. We relegate him to being an observer. For a man with a powerful gift and perhaps a powerful anointing burning inside him, that can be crushing. If he's repented, been sat down for restoration, is now married, openly counseled with his leadership, and they wish to restore him to full capacity... why not offer that second chance? Ministry, functioning as God intended him to function, may be what he needs to stand. Send him to the bull pin for the rest of his life... it might result in him loosing his soul and might bring him to the point of hopelessness over his failure that his new family suffers unnecessarily.

This is all true. The current church structure needs a lot of tweaks I think.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by Aquila

When you're forgiven do you strive to regain their confidence and trust in you? Just asking.

From my perspective, yes. I would want people to "trust" me in the area's that I have failed them. I may even want my old position in the church back -but that is what "I" would want. Under this hypothetical, I would be wrong and the church members would be wrong to accept me, at least not without a LOT of baby steps of incrementally proving myself along the way.

[notofworks]

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

I don't think that's practical, or necessary.

Say my best friend decides my husband is fair game, and makes a serious play for him. I may forgive her, but our friendship will NEVER be restored to the place it was.

Leadership (or close friendship) is not a right, it is a privilege.

But grace isn't practical. Or necessary for that matter. God doesn't have to give it.

I've actually seen very similar circumstances to that which you mentioned and seen complete restoration. Sometimes it can be awkward for a bit, but grace can be awkward for a bit. Grace is complete and amazing. It leaps every hurdle and overcomes every obstacle. Grace removes the scarlet letter and I believe it should also remove the emotion of the scarlet letter that can easily settle in us.