It's not a money issue, Brother. None of us really want to get on an airplane. lol With my beard, and my wife's and two of our children's darker skin, we just know they'd confuse us for terrorists, I'd have to set them straight, they'd end up tazing me, and we'd never make it to California!
Seriously though, we're all scared to death of getting on an airplane, so Amtrak is the way to go.
OK.. NOW I AM LAUGHING.... I can see it now... then you would definitly do the SHOCKAMOO
OK.. NOW I AM LAUGHING.... I can see it now... then you would definitly do the SHOCKAMOO
It would probly end up on the news, then youtube, and then you could post the video here on AFF as more proof of how out of control us Pentecostals really are!
Sister, don't take it the wrong way. What I meant was that I know people who are on the other end of adoption don't always deal with being adopted very well. Sometimes they feel rejected by their natural parents and end up with very low self esteem and a host of other problems. It's plain to see DV survived that kind of turmoil. Believe me when I tell you that I know adoptive parents are very loving people and nothing I said was meant to slam them. I am sorry if I gave you that impression.
Sorry if I took it the wrong way. It just sounded as if you were saying that he was lucky he had survived being an adopted child.
Can I also be honest with you about something else? I have not posted this on your thread because I didn't want to rain on your parade. But I want you to consider this from another point of view, so that's why I need to share this with you.........
We are also going thru this same thing right now with our Justin. We are very glad for him to get to meet his biological family. I think that for him it is very important. But he and I had a big discussion the other day because he was talking to one of his friends and kept referring to his biological father as his "real dad". I finally, calmly and kindly, pointed out to him that his DAD was the man who had been there for him the last 18 years. The one who had provided for his needs, given him shelter, cleaned up after he puked all over his bed, coached his Little League ballteam, taught him how to run the computerized sounds and lights at the school, worked with the Marching Band on all of their shows because he (Justin) was in them, had been there for all 3 of his kidney stone episodes, comforted him when his Grandpa died (even tho that same grandpa was also his dad's father!), rejoiced with him when he took his first girlfriend to the prom, etc., etc., etc.
I'm not saying that these boys should reject their birth families. By no means! I just wanted Justin to understand that even putting him in contact with this birth family is a gift we are giving him out of our love for him. We are and always will be his REAL parents.
You did a very generous and extremely loving thing when you gave your son a chance at a better life than you could have given him 19 years ago. Be very careful that you don't undo all of the good that you did back then. You can and should have a place in this young man's life. But not as his DAD. He has one already.
Thanks for letting me spout off about this.
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Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of a battle ! ! ! !
Sorry if I took it the wrong way. It just sounded as if you were saying that he was lucky he had survived being an adopted child.
Can I also be honest with you about something else? I have not posted this on your thread because I didn't want to rain on your parade. But I want you to consider this from another point of view, so that's why I need to share this with you.........
We are also going thru this same thing right now with our Justin. We are very glad for him to get to meet his biological family. I think that for him it is very important. But he and I had a big discussion the other day because he was talking to one of his friends and kept referring to his biological father as his "real dad". I finally, calmly and kindly, pointed out to him that his DAD was the man who had been there for him the last 18 years. The one who had provided for his needs, given him shelter, cleaned up after he puked all over his bed, coached his Little League ballteam, taught him how to run the computerized sounds and lights at the school, worked with the Marching Band on all of their shows because he (Justin) was in them, had been there for all 3 of his kidney stone episodes, comforted him when his Grandpa died (even tho that same grandpa was also his dad's father!), rejoiced with him when he took his first girlfriend to the prom, etc., etc., etc.
I'm not saying that these boys should reject their birth families. By no means! I just wanted Justin to understand that even putting him in contact with this birth family is a gift we are giving him out of our love for him. We are and always will be his REAL parents.
You did a very generous and extremely loving thing when you gave your son a chance at a better life than you could have given him 19 years ago. Be very careful that you don't undo all of the good that you did back then. You can and should have a place in this young man's life. But not as his DAD. He has one already.
Thanks for letting me spout off about this.
Wonderful insight to 'the other side', Margie. Being an adoptive parent can be somewhat unsettling, even in the best of circumstances. But you are truly one of a kind. I'm not sure I'd want my adopted child to find their birth parents because I'd be feeling quite selfish about that situation.
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I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
By the way, since someone brought up Christmas, I realize I could make a killing during that time of year playing Santa Clause. I wouldn't have to use a fake beard, a fake belly, or anything of the sort. I look like a younger version of Santa, before his hair went all white. If I ever backslide on celebrating Christmas (not that I think I ever will), I have every intention on capitalizing on the fact that I could play him every year and make some money at it.
Sorry if I took it the wrong way. It just sounded as if you were saying that he was lucky he had survived being an adopted child.
Can I also be honest with you about something else? I have not posted this on your thread because I didn't want to rain on your parade. But I want you to consider this from another point of view, so that's why I need to share this with you.........
We are also going thru this same thing right now with our Justin. We are very glad for him to get to meet his biological family. I think that for him it is very important. But he and I had a big discussion the other day because he was talking to one of his friends and kept referring to his biological father as his "real dad". I finally, calmly and kindly, pointed out to him that his DAD was the man who had been there for him the last 18 years. The one who had provided for his needs, given him shelter, cleaned up after he puked all over his bed, coached his Little League ballteam, taught him how to run the computerized sounds and lights at the school, worked with the Marching Band on all of their shows because he (Justin) was in them, had been there for all 3 of his kidney stone episodes, comforted him when his Grandpa died (even tho that same grandpa was also his dad's father!), rejoiced with him when he took his first girlfriend to the prom, etc., etc., etc.
I'm not saying that these boys should reject their birth families. By no means! I just wanted Justin to understand that even putting him in contact with this birth family is a gift we are giving him out of our love for him. We are and always will be his REAL parents.
You did a very generous and extremely loving thing when you gave your son a chance at a better life than you could have given him 19 years ago. Be very careful that you don't undo all of the good that you did back then. You can and should have a place in this young man's life. But not as his DAD. He has one already.
Thanks for letting me spout off about this.
Sister, you make a good point. The last thing we would want to happen would be for his adoptive parents to feel like they're being pushed out or replaced. That happening is the furthest thing from my mind with him. We are treading very lightly with this situation. I gave them my address and made a point of not asking them for theirs, for this very reason. When they are ready for me to have it, they will give it to me. That's how I look at it. I really think everything is going to be just fine. Thanks for responding. I was wondering what was taking you so long, and I thought maybe you were still upset.
Sister, you make a good point. The last thing we would want to happen would be for his adoptive parents to feel like they're being pushed out or replaced. That happening is the furthest thing from my mind with him. We are treading very lightly with this situation. I gave them my address and made a point of not asking them for theirs, for this very reason. When they are ready for me to have it, they will give it to me. That's how I look at it. I really think everything is going to be just fine. Thanks for responding. I was wondering what was taking you so long, and I thought maybe you were still upset.
Yall are both doing wonderful things here. Can I interject something here being on the adoptee front.. one who has met her biological parents... And I know Margie didnt mean anything by this but the one thing you have the hardest time with is what to call each other. Yep sounds very silly I know but the adoptee does not want to hurt the adoptive parents or birth parents family so it gets complicated at times. My parents who raised me will always be my parents and the real ones.. however I do occasionally still catch myself saying my real mom... about my bio mom... its just something its really a catch 22 because they are the real parent as in gave birth and yet at the same time you are the real parent because you raised them... so go gentle on the kids its very complicated especially the first few years. They will never replace those who raised or birthed them they just have to figure out where all these new people belong!
Rico you are doing wonderful at adapting all of this and can I say from your sons side of this... I would be so proud... taken steps like a real stepper Some push or some dont do anything... its the right time right stride and right approach!
Yall are both doing wonderful things here. Can I interject something here being on the adoptee front.. one who has met her biological parents... And I know Margie didnt mean anything by this but the one thing you have the hardest time with is what to call each other. Yep sounds very silly I know but the adoptee does not want to hurt the adoptive parents or birth parents family so it gets complicated at times. My parents who raised me will always be my parents and the real ones.. however I do occasionally still catch myself saying my real mom... about my bio mom... its just something its really a catch 22 because they are the real parent as in gave birth and yet at the same time you are the real parent because you raised them... so go gentle on the kids its very complicated especially the first few years. They will never replace those who raised or birthed them they just have to figure out where all these new people belong!
Rico you are doing wonderful at adapting all of this and can I say from your sons side of this... I would be so proud... taken steps like a real stepper Some push or some dont do anything... its the right time right stride and right approach!
Sister, I feel pretty good about the timing of this myself. There have been other times I have tracked them down, but it never felt like it was the right time to make any contact. Also, the other times I tracked them down I went through so much looking and ran into brick wall after brick wall. This time I did run into a few hurdles, but it was only a matter of a few days before I had found them. It's like a door to finding each other suddenly opened up for us.
Like I said in another post, I don't know what God has planned for all of this. I know his parents are both about 16 years older than me, and she told me that her husband has had a stroke and he is now paralyzed on the left side of his body. Because of my son's mental condition, he will never be able to live on his own. Maybe the Lord is putting things into place so he will have a place to come to when his mom and dad pass from this life. I don't know. All I know is I am glad God has made a way for us to connect with each other. I'm going to take things nice and easy with him and his family, and enjoy every phone call, every card, every letter, every picture, every email, every everything concerning him. He must really be a very special person to the Lord because He made sure he's got two families that love him very much and want the very best for him.
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