We have a family that are very good friends of ours that have been serving the Lord and in church for around 15 years. They have 5 children, a couple of them girls. We also have a couple young daughters who are very close with theirs. The mother just recently decided she is done with church and done with trying to serve the Lord. She say’s she is tired of being judged for being different. Her husband is a minister and obviously has been put in an awkward position. Thank the Lord he say’s he loves her no matter what, whether she is in church or not.
My family has been praying for wisdom on how to handle this situation and how we can be most supportive yet not to condone our friend’s action.
Any suggestions?
My suggestion: let her work it out for herself. There is no need to panic and fret, thinking "Oh, we must do something, this is terrible!" Just be a friend. Love her. Give her advice if she asks for it. But respect her decision.
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Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
We have a family that are very good friends of ours that have been serving the Lord and in church for around 15 years. They have 5 children, a couple of them girls. We also have a couple young daughters who are very close with theirs. The mother just recently decided she is done with church and done with trying to serve the Lord. She say’s she is tired of being judged for being different. Her husband is a minister and obviously has been put in an awkward position. Thank the Lord he say’s he loves her no matter what, whether she is in church or not.
My family has been praying for wisdom on how to handle this situation and how we can be most supportive yet not to condone our friend’s action.
Any suggestions?
DONT shut her out...keep fellowshipping and loving her...DONT shut her out.......
When you are continuing to love her, to fellowship with her, to pray for her...
Don't have an agenda.
People know when we are doing what we are doing for the purpose of getting them to come back to church and that is not construed as love.
That is construed as us doing what we have to do to get them back to church.
You can't hide it if it is your agenda. It will show like a spotlight in the night.
Let God have the agenda. We are just to be Him to them where they are.
When Jesus met people where they were he healed them, he ministered to them, he even told them to go their way... he never asked them to follow him. He only did that to the apostles and they weren't in need of healing etc.
I believe those Jesus ministered to DID follow him in the end. But it wasn't his agenda. His agenda was to minister. What He did was motivated by a true love for minstering and a true faith that real ministry will, if given the chance, change peoples lives.
With ministry comes healing, with healing comes strength, with strength comes a new clarity, with clarity comes good direction.
Minister.
Agenda-less ministry.
Give it away.
When you show this love to her... let it be free.... no strings attached.
God will do the rest.
All you have to do is BE Him to her and LET Him do the rest.
The way to deal with her is subject to whether her reasons are legitimate or not. Was she treated wrongly? Was she judged wrongly? Is she 'different' for Jesus or 'different' for self-serving reasons?
Her husband is a minister there, so she is doing more than just not attending any longer, she is jeopardizing his calling. If she loves him, she would not do this unless there is something quit severe going on. The answers to the above questions (and probably those from other questions) will determine the proper course.
Prayer is good, but being a ‘peace MAKER’ requires doing more than just prayer. She is your friend so she shouldn’t be surprised that you want to get involved. That’s what friends do…. It may take a while for her to open up. But she must before the healing she and her family needs can come. She may have good reason for why she left. If she does, then her family needs to make a decision. They may need to deal with those there that are abusive, or she may need to be shown how suffering wrongful offenses is an expected part of being a disciple of Jesus Christ. If the situation is too abusive, they should move to a church that is not prone to such mistreatment. If she does not have good reasons, then there are some deep issues that must be dealt with, for her, and for her husband and children. For this healing she will need to be loved to repentance and matured in God’s Word.
Above all, let Jesus be your guide and let His love be your motive. I had this occur in my own life with a close friend. We talked many times about his departure. Then one day the Lord gave me a scripture that I left at his house. Later he came back to church and stayed. He told me that this scripture made him fall to his knees in sobbing repentance. He told me that he was involved in much more than he told me concerning the reason why he left. But Jesus knows all things. That lone passage was: “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death” (Pro 14:12). That is what Jesus knew would work for him. I am sure He has a plan for your friend as well.
Be encouraged. Jesus is on His throne!
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The Bible is open to those that want Truth, and if they want Truth, they find Truth. They watch individuals squabble over Bible symbolism on the Internet, and leave the Message boards to enter into the real world where live people dwell, and they find Truth. The World Wide Web is full of Internet Ayatollahs who speak their mind. There is only one Truth, and it is not hidden. No matter what anyone says, Truth still converts the sincere. -DD Benincasa, 12/06/03
The mother just recently decided she is done with church and done with trying to serve the Lord.
Did she actually say that or is that just assumed, If her husband is a minister, could be she is burnt out an all the responsibilities that come with being a ministers wife. It seems to me at my church, alot of the stuff gets laid on the family of the pastor.
It just seems when someone quits it is assumed they are done with trying to serve the Lord but maybe they are just tired of trying to please people
I know many may not agree with me but I just putting my thoughts in
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John 5:39 Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.
Did she actually say that or is that just assumed, If her husband is a minister, could be she is burnt out an all the responsibilities that come with being a ministers wife. It seems to me at my church, alot of the stuff gets laid on the family of the pastor.
It just seems when someone quits it is assumed they are done with trying to serve the Lord but maybe they are just tired of trying to please people
I know many may not agree with me but I just putting my thoughts in
I agree with you, NightOwl. You've made a good point.
There really is nothing that you can do except to continue to love her.
DO NOT WRITE HER OFF OR TELL HER THAT SHE IS NOW HEADED FOR THE BAD PLACE!!!!! I have a friend who did that to me. As soon as I said I was going to attend a non-UPC church, she told me how terrible I was and how I would never make it to heaven. And then she went on to say that she could not talk to me anymore until I came to my senses and came back to church. It's been almost 20 years now and we haven't talked since. I don't even know where she is. Do you think that's how Jesus would have handled things? Nope. me neither.
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Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of a battle ! ! ! !
Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement. A number of things really do concern me. Lost and Found really hit on a couple things. My friend is affecting her husbands ministry and left her walk with the Lord for very selfish reasons. Her husband unfortunately doesn't stand up for himself and he is so concerned for thier marriage that he lets her head the family. My wife and I are afraid she may try pulling him away from the Lord also.
Thank you all so much again for your advise.
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