And now for something completely different...

dizzyde · #1 10-26-2010, 03:53 PM

Huge questions for you all...

I have been single (very happily) for a long, long time. Like, 12 years long. It was a conscious choice, and I have never felt it lacking in any way, have been completely fulfilled in being a mother/auntie/friend/sister and daughter. After my previous relationship experiences it was actually pretty blissful.

Not to say that any of that has changed, but my life is getting ready to start shifting dramatically and I have some big plans for my future. At this point, a relationship would really complicate that.

Here is the rub; I have two questions, and they are sincere, because I really don't know.

#1: is it possible for a (single) man and woman to be "just friends?"

#2: Is it crazy to contemplate a relationship that I have no intention of letting become long term or permanent?

I am driving myself crazy, and I have no one to bounce this stuff off of, because everyone I know (in real life) would freak out to even hear me discuss it...

scotty · #2 10-26-2010, 03:57 PM

1. It is very much possible as long as the two can handle it. I have several friends of mixed gender who are single and have maintained healthy friendships for years now. (Matter a fact your self-decription made me do a double take as I have a female friend in our church who fits your social description perfectly, lol )

2. Its not crazy , but would generally be unproductive for either of you.

Cindy · #3 10-26-2010, 03:59 PM

#1. It is very rare, and takes very special people to make it work.

#2. Well, that one would take a lot of thought. Maybe if you told the person up front how you felt. Even if they agree, the possibilities of hurt feelings are there, on both sides. It's kind of like playing with fire.

dizzyde · #4 10-26-2010, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scotty

1. It is very much possible as long as the two can handle it. I have several friends of mixed gender who are single and have maintained healthy friendships for years now. (Matter a fact your self-decription made me do a double take as I have a female friend in our church who fits your social description perfectly, lol )

2. Its not crazy , but would generally be unproductive for either of you.

This is what I am thinking. I know that something could probably develop but I don't really want it to interfere with my plans. Of course I would never be dishonest about it. But on a completely selfish note, I have been alone a long time, and I sometimes wonder if I would even know how to be in a relationship at this point. I have become very selfish of my time, and very, very independent in my planning, and I wonder sometimes if it might not be to my benefit to at least try to be in a relationship... like I said, completely selfish reasons.

Praxeas · #5 10-26-2010, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzyde

Huge questions for you all...

I have been single (very happily) for a long, long time. Like, 12 years long. It was a conscious choice, and I have never felt it lacking in any way, have been completely fulfilled in being a mother/auntie/friend/sister and daughter. After my previous relationship experiences it was actually pretty blissful.

Not to say that any of that has changed, but my life is getting ready to start shifting dramatically and I have some big plans for my future. At this point, a relationship would really complicate that.

Here is the rub; I have two questions, and they are sincere, because I really don't know.

#1: is it possible for a (single) man and woman to be "just friends?"

#2: Is it crazy to contemplate a relationship that I have no intention of letting become long term or permanent?

I am driving myself crazy, and I have no one to bounce this stuff off of, because everyone I know (in real life) would freak out to even hear me discuss it...

I have female friends that are just friends. Some are married. Some are single.

However of some of the single there are some that physically I am attracted to but I choose not to pursue a relationship for various reasons. I can't see myself getting too close to them if I want to keep it strictly platonic

MissBrattified · #6 10-26-2010, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzyde

Huge questions for you all...

I have been single (very happily) for a long, long time. Like, 12 years long. It was a conscious choice, and I have never felt it lacking in any way, have been completely fulfilled in being a mother/auntie/friend/sister and daughter. After my previous relationship experiences it was actually pretty blissful.

Not to say that any of that has changed, but my life is getting ready to start shifting dramatically and I have some big plans for my future. At this point, a relationship would really complicate that.

Here is the rub; I have two questions, and they are sincere, because I really don't know.

#1: is it possible for a (single) man and woman to be "just friends?"

#2: Is it crazy to contemplate a relationship that I have no intention of letting become long term or permanent?

I am driving myself crazy, and I have no one to bounce this stuff off of, because everyone I know (in real life) would freak out to even hear me discuss it...

1. Yes. I have a couple of guy friends that are just that and will always be *just* that. My husband would say that they're girly men, and that's why they're not a threat, but we won't go there.

However, I agree with Cindy that those are rare situations, and it's my unprofessional, stereotypical opinion that a man won't give you the time of day unless he thinks at some point he can *get some.*

2. It's not crazy, as long as you're fair about it and you let people know up front that you're not interested in long term relationships or commitment. If you're wanting the relationship to be a romantic one, rather than just friendship, I think it's a little unfair to expect that of anyone. Also, for a Christian, what would be the benefits in the "friends with benefits" scenario? The point of romantic involvement for Christians is to eventually form a lasting bond, right?

Socialite · #7 10-26-2010, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzyde

Huge questions for you all...

I have been single (very happily) for a long, long time. Like, 12 years long. It was a conscious choice, and I have never felt it lacking in any way, have been completely fulfilled in being a mother/auntie/friend/sister and daughter. After my previous relationship experiences it was actually pretty blissful.

Not to say that any of that has changed, but my life is getting ready to start shifting dramatically and I have some big plans for my future. At this point, a relationship would really complicate that.

Here is the rub; I have two questions, and they are sincere, because I really don't know.

#1: is it possible for a (single) man and woman to be "just friends?"

#2: Is it crazy to contemplate a relationship that I have no intention of letting become long term or permanent?

I am driving myself crazy, and I have no one to bounce this stuff off of, because everyone I know (in real life) would freak out to even hear me discuss it...

#1) A close friendship is possible unless you find love, then it sort of complicates things. Every lady friendship I had (I had many) changed dramatically, and most survived, but were nowhere close to what they were before. The more I look back I can see how much flirtation was involved in those friendships.

#2) If you have no intention of being serious with the relationship (meaning long-term goals), then what's the point? Make it clear you just want a platonic guy pal.

scotty · #8 10-26-2010, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzyde

[/i][/u]

This is what I am thinking. I know that something could probably develop but I don't really want it to interfere with my plans. Of course I would never be dishonest about it. But on a completely selfish note, I have been alone a long time, and I sometimes wonder if I would even know how to be in a relationship at this point. I have become very selfish of my time, and very, very independent in my planning, and I wonder sometimes if it might not be to my benefit to at least try to be in a relationship... like I said, completely selfish reasons.

Selfish = Self = Happy

Take care of YOU. Its not a selfish mentality. The bottom line is this. Your afraid that if you give this a "temporary" chance that you will not be able to back out and thus screw up EVERYTHING !!!

If you even remotely feel like you couldn't handle the possibility being able to keep it "temporary" despite knowing thats whats best for you, then dont go there sista. (the real question is: are you SURE you KNOW thats whats best for you, I believe this is the root of your concerns) just my opinion.

dizzyde · #9 10-26-2010, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Praxeas

I have female friends that are just friends. Some are married. Some are single.

However of some of the single there are some that physically I am attracted to but I choose not to pursue a relationship for various reasons. I can't see myself getting too close to them if I want to keep it strictly platonic

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

1. Yes. I have a couple of guy friends that are just that and will always be *just* that. My husband would say that they're girly men, and that's why they're not a threat, but we won't go there.

However, I agree with Cindy that those are rare situations, and it's my unprofessional, stereotypical opinion that a man won't give you the time of day unless he thinks at some point he can *get some.*

2. It's not crazy, as long as you're fair about it and you let people know up front that you're not interested in long term relationships or commitment. If you're wanting the relationship to be a romantic one, rather than just friendship, I think it's a little unfair to expect that of anyone. Also, for a Christian, what would be the benefits in the "friends with benefits" scenario? The point of romantic involvement for Christians is to eventually form a lasting bond, right?

I guess that is where I am having the issue. I totally thought I was capable of the "friends" thing, especially since I am not looking to be in a relationship.

But it is not as easy as I thought it would be, just different emotions than I expected.

So, maybe not.

scotty · #10 10-26-2010, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

1. Yes. I have a couple of guy friends that are just that and will always be *just* that. My husband would say that they're girly men, and that's why they're not a threat, but we won't go there.

However, I agree with Cindy that those are rare situations, and it's my unprofessional, stereotypical opinion that a man won't give you the time of day unless he thinks at some point he can *get some.*

2. It's not crazy, as long as you're fair about it and you let people know up front that you're not interested in long term relationships or commitment. If you're wanting the relationship to be a romantic one, rather than just friendship, I think it's a little unfair to expect that of anyone. Also, for a Christian, what would be the benefits in the "friends with benefits" scenario? The point of romantic involvement for Christians is to eventually form a lasting bond, right?

very unprofessional and stereotypical.... and insulting to some.. tyvm